I think I belong here now

Feelingalone · 10-12-2009, 05:04 PM

Lawyer's can be licensed in more than one state.

mls31 · 10-12-2009, 06:48 PM

Thanks for the help. I was wondering if it would be easier to find a lawyer since my H has already filed.

The celebs seem to be able to do this. They seem to use high power attorneys from all over to deal with their high stakes divorces.

mls31 · 10-14-2009, 08:45 PM

Today was the first day I didn't wear my wedding rings. It seems really weird to not have them on after constantly wearing them for 6 years. I don't even know what to do with them now. Do I give them back to my H? Do I get his? Can I pawn it?

I've started to tell close friends that I'm getting a divorce. For a long time I've felt totally ashamed of my situation. Now, I'm tired of putting on a fake smile and saying everything is okay. It's been good to tell people and realize all the friends that I have (even if I don't get to see them often).

The whole legal aspect is really driving me nuts. I don't want to deal with it but I want it over. Several times I've thought, "I wonder what D would do" and then I realize HE is the one causing all this crap. It sucks not have him to turn to when I need help. This will be an adjustment... one of many.

Corpuswife · 10-14-2009, 08:48 PM

Wow! You sound really strong...taking off rings and wanting it over.

I still wear my rings and plan on doing so until I feel like taking them off. I will save mine. I have a very expensive gorgeous 20 year anniversary band that will need to be dealt with...Maybe I will save them for my kids?

It's amazing how things move slowly but somehow fast. Hard to describe. Stay strong. You are amazing.

mls31 · 10-14-2009, 08:52 PM

All through our "separation" I would look at my rings and it only brought me pain. In fact, there were several times I caught myself staring at them for long periods of time. They were a constant reminder of the pain and hurt I'm going through. I'm going with the out of sight, out of mind theory. We'll see how that works.

I still miss him. Wait... I miss the H that I knew 4 months ago. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away?

Corpuswife · 10-14-2009, 09:01 PM

I agree. You miss the person that used to be. Me too! For me it was over a year ago....maybe 2. It's all a blurr right now.

I think we will have tender thoughts of our marriage (the good times) but as time goes by...the missing is less and less. Time is a healer I have found. Plus I pray ALOT!

Believe · 10-14-2009, 09:49 PM

UGH the rings. I had such a hard time taking them off. I now wear the original band on my left ring finger. I had it on a necklace but then moved it. It makes my stomach turn to see that the H has not worn his in a year and 1/2. There isn't even a line on his finger anymore.

knortoh · 10-14-2009, 10:02 PM

I took mine off in revenge when my H told me he hadn't been wearing it for 4 months -
I still feel naked but am noticing it less...

believer · 10-15-2009, 12:20 AM

"working on your friendship" per your counselors request sounds a bit strange at this stage of the game . . . . If your husband has readily admitted that he is not willing to continue to work on the marriage then unfortunately there is not much you can do on your own. It has to be both of you working together if you want to save your marriage & that doesn't seem to be the case.

Absolutely, things will be much easier if you can be civil to each other throughout this process but to work on "friendship" doesn't seem to make sense.
Try to keep the focus on you & what you want, what will make you happy & make decisions based on that.
good luck in the months ahead

Corpuswife · 10-15-2009, 11:16 AM

My H faithfully still wears his ring. He wants the divorce and has filed. Who knows why? I will feel naked without mine. My counselor told me before I take it off to find a replacement ring to put on.

mls31 · 10-15-2009, 09:09 PM

Tonight I went to the movies by myself. It wasn't as bad as I pictured. Although I was the only "single" person there. Oh well, people don't take note when the lights go off.

Besides, I better get used to it. This is just one of the many things I'll get to do by myself!

I had a meeting for work all day today with one of my bosses. I want to tell him what's going on and that I may possibly be taking off more work in the future. However, I couldn't do it. I worried that I'd start crying and I didn't want to make a scene. Maybe I can do it tomorrow. With my job being rather complicated (LOTS of travel), I don't want them to wonder why I'm taking off several days. I shouldn't worry because both of my bosses are very understanding.

Corpuswife · 10-15-2009, 09:58 PM

mls: I like your style! What the heck...might as well get used to it. My mantra lately as well. Even eating out by myself---that's a big deal.

Wonderful idea to let the boss know...it might explain some of the moods or time off etc. It's great that you have a supportive boss. How lucky! Even if you do cry...that's ok. Many people have been where we are or know someone close to them in our position.

knortoh · 10-16-2009, 01:03 AM

mls I found when I told my work colleagues they were incredibly understanding and I did cry - but most people want to help and they feel honoured that you trust them and let them knwo what is going on in your life -
and I am glad to hear that you went to a movie alone - I have done that in the past when I have been single and it's not bad!

Loving Husband · 10-16-2009, 08:02 AM

My wife takes hers off al the time. Most of the time to swap for white gold cause the yellow gold clashes. Still during our process she took them off. For her it was a sybol of wanting out of the marriage. I think the rings are an image of her support for her heart in this marriage. I asked her in the past about it and she told me we are only married via a piece of paper. So I guess now that she has them on again we are married via her heart. She put them back on after my emotional cry past Sunday. She went out of her way to find them and put them back on. Was nice. So I guess you taking them off means your heart is moving away from the marriage. That's good for now.. I wouldn't pawn them yet. Things can change..

mls31 · 10-18-2009, 04:13 PM

Today was a hard day. This morning I logged into my Facebook account. It's one of the few ways I can keep track of my H. I noticed he posted some pictures of him and his cousin at a football game yesterday.

This hit me hard. One because I didn't know he was going to the game. Two because he looked so happy in the pictures with his cousin. Three, I still find him attractive.

I guess in my mind he should be sitting home alone, depressed and sad that we're not together. It's just so freaking hard to realize they are happy and having fun without us in the picture.

Yesterday was good and bad.

Good: I met up with a good friend for some retail therapy. I need to keep myself busy and make more friends!

Bad: we found out that my sister-in-law's dad has brain cancer that has progressed and moved to his spine. He's 61 with a short amount of time left. Just more proof that life is unpredictable and totally unfair!