mls I admire your ability to see the good and bad - there always is but it doesn't mean the hurting bits don't keep on hurting...can you stay away from facebook for a while? I just know I had to have a period of avoiding my H as much as I could -
Yes, I've got to quit doing things that cause me anxiety and hurt, like checking his FB page. I've got to stick to the out of sight, out of mind theory.
I realized why I was so hurt when I saw his FB pictures today. Since August, the H that I saw was hurt, detached and generally acted as if someone purposely ran over his new puppy. I have not seen the happy, fun loving H that I know so well since late July-early August. That's the H that I know and still love.
I was doing so well and trying to be optimistic until I logged on my computer this morning. I guess everyone has good and bad days.
I still somewhat blame myself for this divorce. Stupid, I know.
mls: I think we all have some blame for our relationship breakdown. But put the blame on the divorce to our H's. They choose to walk or run away without due process.
By the way, those facebook pictures or any pictures don't guarantee happiness. When I was depressed I had lots of "smiling" pictures during parties and travel. However, inside I was numb.
You can never tell what's really going on. Do you think he'd post a frowning, arms crossed, picture on facebook? Haha
Exactly precisely - facebook is no measure of true happiness...could be quite the opposite...I remember that my nephew who is a psychologist told me when my husband left not to read too much into how he was when I saw him - he said that it was a tiny slice of his life....
Just on the no contact thing I had to open a whole new email account just for correspondece from my H - I was getting anxiety attacks every time I sat down at the computer - but the new email has worked - I never check it! and he now knows not to use my work one!
Blame I think about that loads too - it feels like it would be easier of I knew what to blame about myself - I keep on asking myself and my counsellor what I did...the whole "it takes two to tango" ....but only one to walk away from a marriage it would seem....
in our cases our H's can't say what we have done to contribute ...even they acknowledge it's all about them....
I leave my wife's FB alone. I won't be her friend and she's not mine. Though I don't sign into it. She has my username and password to mine but I don't have hers. I don't want it either.. I don't do anything there any way. Still people need an out. Well she has no idea about this site though so thats my private world. I am not sure how she would take my posts on here. I was a bit harsh and I think it would worry me so i can see why she needs FB for herself. Probably for the same reasons..
Today was also hard. I'm also back to not sleeping well again. I don't think I've had a decent night of sleep since July!
My thoughts today have focused on: how do I let go?
How do you get to that point where you let go of the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with? The person who knows your secrets and dreams.
I have a feeling that my H will quickly be on the dating scene (if he's not there now). How can I be okay seeing him with or knowing he's with someone else?
How or when will he stop being my husband in my mind? Will I always think he's supposed to be with me?
mls: I don't know how to get them out of our mind. I wish I knew but I suspect that it will just take time.
I also pretend not to care if he begins dating. However, I know the moment I hear or see that he is will be devastating. Just devastating. It's ok and natural to feel that way.
Did any of you think when you got married that there would be a possibility of divorce?
I have to be honest and say that divorce did cross my mind when I got married. Only because I was 23 years old and knew that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's a staggering statistic.
Was this a sign? Just curious if I'm the only one with these thoughts.
Never considered divorce....always thought it was something that happened to other couples with BIG problems like abuse, infidelity etc.....then BAM here I am with a walk away wife! I am still numb over the whole thing..
I would never divorce my wife. She doesn't believe me but I take my vows seriously.. I know I stretched some with the love and cherrish part but I don't think I broke any. If we are going to change the world we have to make the moves to show our kids what's really important. Your family together will teach them to work for their marriage and have less divorces..
Re: I think I belong here now
