For the last few days I've been beating myself up a little thinking that I'm the one who caused this divorce.
My H told me one of the reason he wanted to divorce was because he couldn't get past the fact that I had a suicidal thought 3 years ago. He blames himself for my feelings then. He blames himself for not even recognizing how depressed I was then.
That made me believe that I was the cause for all of this. Until I remembered that HE was the one who initially brought up divorce and the fact that he thought we would be happier apart. It wasn't until a few weekends later that I brought up my depression issue.
Maybe he would have been more willing to work on our marriage if I wouldn't have told him about my suicidal thought (or if I would have told him sooner). But he can't use that as an excuse when it seemed he had already made up his mind prior to me telling him about it.
mls, it's easy to start thinking of all of the things you may have done or not done to contribute to the situation. Hindsight is a *****. But please try not to take all the blame upon yourself.
mls: I am sorry but the suicidal thoughts defense doesn't work.
It's like saying you had thoughts of Brad Pitt during sex and that's why he left.
Many people don't share there thoughts....suicidal thoughts. It's not abnormal at all. When they do..it's usually to a supportive audience that is willing to HELP them...not condemn them.
It just a blatant excuse on his part. Let's just blame the victims (for lack of a better word). Geeesh!
My H emailed me again asking about some general financial questions. I then asked him about our savings account that he set up a year or so ago. I don't have the pin number, therefore I didn't know for sure how much we had in the account. I also asked him for my half of the money. I told him that if he didn't feel comfortable splitting the money, we could wait until litigation.
He then replies, "what do you mean litigation? Do I need to get a lawyer?"
WTF!?! Don't you have a lawyer? You know, the one who prepared your divorce papers???
He proceeded to tell me that the lawyer told him that once I signed the papers, in 60 days we would be divorced. Simple as that. Never mind the fact that we own a house, have cars, debts, etc. How are those going to get divided "equitably"?
I would like for him to keep the house. However, he would have to refinance in order to get my name off the mortgage (I don't want to be tied to anything) and he would have to qualify by himself.
Ugh. Just more things I do not want to deal with... including him!!
Today I was talking with a guy in the office where I am currently stationed and he asked me if I was married or had a family. I kind of froze but quickly talked about my parents, brother and where I grew up. I didn't mention my H at all. That was different.
I think this guy was checking me out because he kept coming into the office to use the copy machine and chit chat. Quite the self esteem booster but still very awkward.
Since I do a lot of traveling with my job, I'm constantly running into new people who want to know about my family or if I am married. I'm not sure how I approach this subject. Do I just come out and say, "I'm going through a divorce" or do I just graze over the subject and talk about my parents etc.?
I think he thought that we could divide everything and just wait 60 days.
Most divorces involve some type of debt and assets discussion, correct? Isn't there usually some type of meeting with both parties to resolve these issues, which are then recorded in the divorce decree?
It's often better to decide..together how you are going to divide things. Get an attorney involved and they will just charge you money. Do everything that you can without an attorney.
I'm going to start an itemized list of things I brought into the relationship, things I purchased solely, items purchased together, and what I want. I would start there mls. Don't give that power over to an attorney or your H. Take action and slap him into reality!
You know J and I still haven't done that he took some stuff when he left and I didn't care - he's asked for some more stuff and I didn't reply - I figure when he's ready to come and get it he will...
we really don't have a whole lot - don't kow why exactly - late bloomers/ not materialistic...
last night at his plce I noticed he had one of my favourite table cloths - I said
"I was wondering where my favourite table cloths had gone"
he said I only took two!
"Yes and they were my favourites"
we were both joking...
humour is wonderful thing
mls.. the seperations is getting to you. You are still a women and you still have desires.. Your need to feel like somebody wants you is pushing through. It's a very dangerous area and if your ok wth that road know all of what it entails. As for the stuff take the lead if he won't push the process cause maybe he needs to see what's going to happen..
I am toying with the idea of sending my H one last email concerning the breakdown of our marriage. There are still so many unanswered questions. Since he won't go to marriage counseling together, I may never get closure.
Up until August 19 things were going well. Not great considering the fact that I was away on work during the week but we were doing okay. August 22 he told me that he had been thinking for awhile and wondered if we would be happier apart. He also confessed that his feelings for me had changed.
It still seems so very, very sudden to have such a drastic change of heart. Something or someone had to trigger this change and he won't tell me. Maybe I don't need to know?
So on one hand I want to send him an email (talking gets us nowhere) and on the other I just want to be done. Three weeks ago I went home and poured my heart out to him. I told him I was willing to change to make things work. Since my speech seemed to fall on deaf ears, maybe I should just work on myself and try to move on.
Any thoughts? Anyone else dealing with closure issues?
Re: I think I belong here now
