I am having the basic same issues with my wife. So far I've been told that she has been unhappy for a long time.....I apparently didn't see the signs and by the time she told me she was done it was too late. I suppose this same thing could happen with your H. I, as many have suggested on here, found out my wife began having an EA shortly before she "broke the news" to me. You could write your letter but I am sure it will fall on deaf ears from all that you have said. Most suggest that you just back off and leave him alone. Maybe he will realize what he is losing...maybe not but it's probably the only chance you have. I am sorry for what you are going through....believe me I know the pain....I am living it everyday.
mls, I understand the need for closure. And I understand the confusion and pain of unanswered questions. But I've come to realize I may never get what I want or need. You can ask until you turn blue, He may not have the answers. He may not be capable of a thought process that can fill in the blanks.
If you need or want to get some things off yours chest without the expectation of answers, I say go for it. You deserve to have your voice heard. If waiting for a reply or disappointment in the reply will cause you anxiety or pain, spare yourself for now.
mls - if you read my most recent post you will see that I am beginning to get a bit of closure with my H - but my turmoil has been going on 12 months...the fullness of time does yeild up some 'truths' I have found - you are correct to question your H...and if it will help you to articulate things go for it
but I also think that at this early stage I wouldn't be expecting a whole lot to be forthcoming....
what I realsied today was that I was talking to mt H for me and not for him...so I feel I got some closure for myself - no answers - but still some closure ....
Closure if for you and you may not get the answers you need.
K might not and I may not either. It's because our H's don't have the answers themselves.
As the other posters have said...if you are expecting some answers you may rethink the email. If you are expecting to vent and let loose and it will make you feel better-send the email.
You guys are right. I decided to not send the email. Maybe in a way it's better not knowing. Besides, I'm sure it won't do a damn bit of difference if I do send it.
The past few days have been really hard. This evening I chatted online with my H. He is adopting a dog (probably since I took ours). I am happy he is adopting because I've always been a big advocator of it. He also told me his best friend will be moving into our house in December (if he can refinance and keep the house). It sounds like they'll have quite the bachelor pad. He would like me to move my stuff out by the end of Nov. but says he doesn't care if it takes a little longer.
It just hurts so much to see him moving on so easily. He's out making plans and adopting dogs! I'm living at home with my parents. I have a handful of good friends still here in my hometown but the majority of my weekends are spent with my parents and my pets. It's actually rather depressing. Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful to have such supportive parents.
It also hurts to know the house I poured my heart and elbow grease into will turn into a bachelor pad.
I don't know. I'm having such a hard time letting go and moving on and yet it's so easy for him. I guess I'm a little jealous.
Tonight I removed him as a friend from Facebook. I can't stand to see his updated "single" status and his happy go-lucky pictures. Especially when part of me is still in love with him and part of me can't stand him.
mls yes you can tell from your posts that you still have feelinsg of tenderness and boy does it hurt when they seem so happy - at least you are having a truthful emotional time - little consolation I know but when you are through you'll be through - he may just keep on wandering...I wouldn't chat with him - it's too early
Man it does sck when they seem so composed about there decisions but there are things he hasn't experienced yet. It's almost he's a kid with lower responsibilities. Workingout the minor details but the big ones are not being focused now. It will get tough for him eventually. Some day he will face it
Man it does sck when they seem so composed about there decisions but there are things he hasn't experienced yet. It's almost he's a kid with lower responsibilities. Workingout the minor details but the big ones are not being focused now. It will get tough for him eventually. Some day he will face it
I'm not sure he ever will have tough time. I think he wants to continue living this carefree-don't-think-about-the-big-picture life. I don't know if he's capable of growing up and taking a close look at the decisions he has made. Especially if his parents fuel his fire.
As for his future relationships, I don't know. If he treats them like he did me, they won't last. But who knows.
I'm going to continue working on me. I need to make more friends and keep myself busy. I pray every night that God is guiding me in the right direction.
mls: God will guide you...you just have to keep an open mind and move forward (like you're doing).
I keep moving on...the best that I can. Lately, I've felt like doing nothing. I keep forcing myself to do things. I'm not overbusy but I like to have something planned every day (even if it's small).
I'm doing better today. My parents and I are brainstorming on how to get my stuff moved and into a storage unit. I think I will feel a lot better once I get my stuff out of the house.
I know my last day in our house is coming. When I go back to pack it will be very difficult. I really loved and cared for our little house. Once my stuff is out, I truly will be closing one door/chapter of my life for good.
Last night I was up until 1:00 am. I think I was having a panic attack. Everything seemed so surreal. The fact that my H is happy and making plans without me hit me REALLY hard.
I hope someday soon I'll won't have to cry into my pillow.
It's happening very quickly for you isn't it? Maybe this is a good thing to help you move on - yuo sound very practical and motivated and gald to hear those parents are doing the right thing!
Re: I think I belong here now
