I am tired of being forced to "let go"

Believe · 10-02-2009, 02:53 PM

When my father passed away a year and a half ago it was unexpected and sudden. I did not have any clue on how to let go and I in turn held on even tighter to my Husband. When my Husband left me 9 months ago I again was not ready to "let go". I still haven't actually. I am deeply in love with him and don't know how to let go of our marriage of our family structure. This past Wednesday I learned that my dearest friend was diagnosed with a rare fatal brain disease and they are estimating he will live another month. I am devastated! I love this man so much and he has played a very important role in my life and my children's lives. I use to call him their surrogate father.

My children are the closest he ever came to having his own. He has been there for me through this whole separation and has helped me with the kids. He has been sick his whole life with other issues, but this just came out of nowhere and struck us hard. Again I find myself wanting to go to my H for support. I am not ready to "let go" of another person in my life that I hold so dear. 3 of the most important men in my life left in a time span of a year and a half. I got very annoyed with my H last night because again as I am talking to him about everything going on he says he has to go. He is not a very emotional man and obviously likes to stay away from anything difficult i.e. our marriage. I sent him a text stating that I was sorry to bother him and that I realize it isn't right to go to him anymore.He made that clear by interrupting me yet again. His response was that of a victim of course. He asked why he is the most f*#*ed up person in the world? My response was "you are the only one who has the answer to that question" because I am tired of always trying to make him feel better. It just makes me so angry to think that when we got married he promised to be here for me and god damnit I need him right now! I have been grieving constantly for way too long. It has been so hard to keep going through the phases of grieving and yet here I go again alone.......

wren · 10-02-2009, 02:57 PM

I am so sorry. You must be mentally and emotionally exhausted. These are the times that I don't understand the ways of the universe. But I have to believe that all the grief and loss is going to bring about something grand for you in the future. Until then, hold on to yourself, and let yourself feel.

knortoh · 10-02-2009, 04:54 PM

Believe
what an incredibly difficult time for you..........

to lose a father, a friend and a relationship in such a short period of time is brutal and you will be suffering that's for sure

letting go -

my thoughts about this have been that you can't force it.....

sorry I know this doesn't help...

can I just say that the stuff with your husband is just him being a self centred SH** at a time when you need a friend.

you don't need to stop loving him - but is there a way you can reach out to someone who can offer you the support you so desperately need at this time -

and just protect yourself from these sorts of painful interactions?

you recognise yourself that he can't do it...

and you so need friends right now - not a whole lot of room in your heart for someone who can't be there for you....

would it help to see it not so much as letting go but as setting boundaries....?

so sorry for your pain

knortoh · 10-02-2009, 06:56 PM

Just also wanted to say I love your name and the little image that you have chosen -

Believe · 10-02-2009, 11:35 PM

Thank you both so much for your warm wishes. I really wish I had a better support system, but I don't. I really need to start some therapy. Thank you Knortoh, I actually tattoed the word Believe on me when my dad passed away. And the symbol, well what can I say I have turned to yoga in this much needed time. It has really helped me tremendously. I do Kundalini yoga where we meditate and chant. It has been a life saver for me.

knortoh · 10-02-2009, 11:43 PM

Wow that's amazing and yoga will help you through...

believer · 10-03-2009, 01:02 AM

believe - I wish I could say I can relate to what you are going through right now. The grieving process is tough & so emotionally draining.
You mentioned starting therapy - I think that would be a wonderful idea. To have a professional help you deal with your mulitiple losses & someone to give you some much needed emotional support .
another thing that has really helped me is to journal & put your thoughts & feelings down on paper. just let the words flow out - don't worry about grammar, spelling, etc. sometime I write in full sentences & others I just write words, ideas whatever is in my head. I also pose questions to myself. I find going back later to re-read is helpful as well & give your perspective from where you were & how far you have come.
Maybe you could look for a "live/in person" support group to again help deal with your losses. Maybe a local church might be able to guide you.
And of course, you have always got an audience here if you need advice or just need to vent.

Lastly, I am sure it is easy to feel hopeless & not motivated in times like this. But it is important to take care of yourself - sleeping, eating, getting some exercise & not shutting others out.

Take care & you will be in my thoughts. . .

wren · 10-03-2009, 07:13 AM

Therapy and reading as many healing books as I can have helped me tremendously. You can do this. But not need to go it alone. Find a good therapist. It will do wonders.