bruce

I have just seperated from my wife of 7 years been together 10 she had 2 kids when i met here and we have a son together born a year after we where married. When I met my wife I had just gotten out of jail (now some of you may stop reading now) I was 21 and was not looking for anything really but I found her she was working in one of them massage type places but for some reason that did not bother me at first not you are saying well there is the problem you are both messed up. We not so true you see after I met her I went good found a good job and am still there 10 years later. Her on the other had and been between jobs and spent the first 6 years off and on do that job. One day I had enough and told her it was the job or us she could no longer have both our fights where bad very bad we would get violent all the time we has seperated a few times for a week or so think we are all good and end up back where we were. She did quit that job but not until a 2year crack addiction cost us everything house, truck, and even our kids but I still never gave up. Got her into a dryout center then into drug rehab and happy to say she has been clean just over 3 years. And we got our kids back. But 2 years ago she had an affair not a one night thing but and out an out affair but again I forgave her and we tried to work through it it crushed me that she would do that but when I think about it her old job she had alot of affairs. but they do not hurt at all. Then on thur last week I dont know why but I picked up her phone and there was a text from a guy about meeting for a quicky well my heart hit the floor again I confronted her about it and she said it was just a joke but when one is married there are no room for jokes like that. Again the fight was on. That text hurt had bad has finding out about the first affair, I told her I could do it no more and I wanted to leave but for some reason I could not bring myself todo it I forgave her we went to bed had great sex and feel asleep. When I got up in the morning I could not seem to perk up at all I was really hurt we got the kids up and off to school and the fight was on again. Now I have a problem I like to talk every thing to death and she likes to shut down and that makes me even madded the I lose my temper and thats when everything goes south. at that point we desided to seperate cause we where not going to be3able to fix it, and I thought we always have in the past, but maybe I was just to pushy and she just gave in. She had to work at 5 so when the kids got home from school we sat them down and told then that I was moving out that we could no longer live together our 6 year old cried the last time I seen him cry like that was when the family dog died. Normaly what would happen is I would say I am leaving be gon and hr and come back begging for another chance, but something was different this time I got in my truck and hit the road never looked back drove 500km to stay with a friend I never even called her. The next day I missed her so much so I called her to talk about the kids and we agreed that I would take our son to live with me so a 500km drive back to get him (and I hope that this is the right thing todo) but something else happened we talked and I mean really talked about everything she was suprised that I did not return that night or show up where she works or even call her. She told me so manythings that night she had never been so open and we both agreed that the seperation may beable to save our marriage se did say something that kinda reafermed what i kinda already knew, she said she was sorry for taking my love for her for granted she knew that no matter what she did I would never leave her I guess me leaving really scared her. And again I got in my truck with our son and we hit the road 500km so I could go back to work. We both know we need to work on out own issues befor we can work on us so we are both going to see someone to help with dealing with our faults and down falls, and then try to work on us. I hope she keeps up with her end of it all but I have a feeling I will be going this one alone, again. I dont know what todo anymore I still love her with all my heart but there is not much of it left anymore. Do I give her a chance to take whats left or do I get out? I know what I want todo but dont know if its the right thing it takes all I have to not call or text her all day, I do send one text every morning about 8am I love you and I miss you. Im I going to be ok, Im I going to beable to do right by our son, Im I ever going to beable to love again? I got an email from out daughter saying she loved me and misses her brother and I, my reply to her was "we love and miss you too we have just hit a bit of a bump in the road and with time and some hard work even a bumpy road can be smooth again" all I want is for my family to be together again and happy all the time no more fighting cheating or any of the bad stuff. Maybe I got it all together already maybe no of this makes any sence at all maybe I have totaly lost my mind. I dont know. I now leave it to you to give any advice you think may help.

Lost and scared to death.
Bruce

Harris

Bruce, don't be lost and scared to death. Your situation is not unique.

I suggest you talk to your W and go see a marriage counsellor. That is the best thing to do for you, her and most importantly, for your children.

chuckf75

Maybe this separation will do you good but in the end she must become faithful to you. Can she make that committment and live up to it?

swedish

Hi Bruce,

I would talk to your wife and see if she will agree that no matter what the issues of the day are, that you will both put your children's best interest first. I don't mean toss the marriage aside, but you cannot leave the children in a limbo state every time you both have a blowout...they have been through more than enough already...they need a stable home with stable parents. Don't risk your stable job by taking off when you are fed up.

If you can agree to that, I think counseling is a great idea for you both. Since she was prostituting herself when you met and married her, you have some unique dynamics where sex outside of the marriage may not mean the same thing to her that it does for you...it sounds like she could use some serious counseling...Her addiction is a difficult one to beat and although she has been clean for a long time now, it seems she has fallen apart in many other areas of her life that still need some work to rebuild.

dobo

I agree with Swedish about your wife's need for counseling. She may have given up drugs, but I bet she has some serious other problems that have never been addressed. And I bet she uses the attention and sex as a kind of drug.

I would be very unlikely to trust her again simply because of her background and her behavior throughout the marriage. But you should have known that when you married a sex worker, you married someone who is pretty messed up.

bruce

Thank you all who have replied we have agreed to see a marriage counsellor and go that way alone for our issuies, the kids are doing ok I have our son she has our daughterI am back at work but it is hard has hell single dad working 12hrs aday 500km from my wife. I am scared everyday I get out of bed and see him there am I doing the right thing? I sure hope so. My marrage is not a lost cause, yet. I feel has long has we both keep out end of the deal we will be fine. My big problem is letting go and letting her have the time she feels she needs and help in that area?

dobo

She's lucky she has someone like you. Most guys would kick her to the curb.

But don't be a sap. You have to stand up and require fidelity, full-time, all the time. No joking texts that dishonor your marriage. No other men. Period.

bruce

Ya I know that is what I want and have made the clear more then once.

Corpuswife

She may have recovered from her addiction but she is behaving like an addict! I have a friend that is a recovering alcoholic of 15 years. He recently admitted that he was a dry drunk! Not drinking but picking up on some of the behaviors.

It would benefit your wife to get some help. This indeed would help the family.

bruce

I am scared now I know what I need to do is give her time to miss me but I have always been a fighter for what I beleave in and our marrage is on of them, I have alway faught for her I dont not how to just stop, how to not push her away can any one help me plz?