My New Beginning

Feelingalone · 10-24-2009, 09:46 AM

Well darn we had another rain out for baseball. Didn't start pouring of course until I was walking the field checking conditions and then the skies opened up and got soaked. Also my son's fall fun day at school was cancelled due to weather as well. Hope to have soccer game this afternoon.

In place of outdoor activities, I'm soon in the process of making H a plaster of paris cast which he was going to get at fall fun day. This should be interesting ----- never done this.

Corpuswife · 10-24-2009, 11:35 AM

I love rain! We don't get it alot here but when we do it means short-term flooding. Sorry about the rain out. Your back up plans seem like fun!

Feelingalone · 10-24-2009, 05:14 PM

Turned out pretty good. He kept it on for 5 hourse. Getting it off was another story. Dang that stuff gets hard and is hard to cut without hurting him.

Corpuswife · 10-24-2009, 05:19 PM

5 hours! That's a long time..he must be patient.

Wouldn't that be horrible to have to go the the ER to get it off? Kinda funny.

Feelingalone · 10-24-2009, 06:18 PM

He loved having it on. He was even carrying his arm like it was broke. He showed it off to everyone. IT was really cute.

Yeah I could just imagine. So why are you in the ER tonight? Could you help me get this cast off. Why is he wearing a cast. I don't know because fall fun day was cancelled and we had nothing better to do. Is his arm broken? No, but it might be if I have to take this thing off.

Corpuswife · 10-25-2009, 12:28 AM

Yes...it was FAll fun day and we got bored! (to ER staff)

Feelingalone · 10-26-2009, 07:23 AM

Well another day. I am hopeful that life will be better for me. I'm exhausted from all the pain, sadness, and anger. It still comes and goes, mostly sadness at times. Sadness for what was lost.

I just keep reminding myself now that my son will be okay, that I will be okay. I have good friends and family.

knortoh · 10-26-2009, 07:35 AM

FA it will get better for you - already I can hear that you are getting through - have you started to plan anything exciting for 2010 yet? How's that 10 years into the millenium - unbelievable !

Feelingalone · 10-26-2009, 08:15 AM

Yes K at times I'm like wow I can do anything for myself now and feel so good inside. Then I look around the house and see something that triggers a memory and it takes it away and replaces with sadness.

Maybe one day she will see that she can't always get the euphoric love day in and day out. That real true love means loving without expectation in return. That it takes work by both parties. That the grass isn't greener. I could keep going with this, but you know what I mean.

Anyway so far just a week long trip to the beach in July. Down to Hilton Head Island, SC. I think I'll take my H on a weekend rafting trip sometime next year. Other than that I haven't thought much about next yeaer. I've never been one to plan too much ahead.

wren · 10-26-2009, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feelingalone

Maybe one day she will see that she can't always get the euphoric love day in and day out. That real true love means loving without expectation in return. That it takes work by both parties. That the grass isn't greener. I could keep going with this, but you know what I mean.

Bingo FA! I'm starting to wonder if most people understand this.

Corpuswife · 10-26-2009, 02:03 PM

FA: I love to plan but this upcoming year is different. I feel like I want to but never get to it. I want to plan a summer thing.

I'm sad also.....it's a rainy sad say.

Feelingalone · 10-26-2009, 02:19 PM

Yeah, I hate rainy days now. They just make me sadder. I was reading through our pregnancy journal and first year book for our son. It is hard to believe that the w that wrote those things about me, is the person I am technically married to now.

Maybe it is all my fault. That is my thinking at the moment. I know logically that it isn't, but that is what I feel in my heart and soul right now. That I was to blame. She described the day he was conceived as we lounged around all day and made love.

How I wish we could have done that again after he was born, but you can't do it like when you are dating and single. Life intrudes on that.

Corpuswife · 10-26-2009, 02:51 PM

It's so easy to fall into these days of sadness. We are grieving like a death...it's a process.

It's sad to look at the momentos and remember. I have family pictures lined down my upstairs hallway. Who keeps those? What about our marriage photo album? What about the baby pictures? I will keep those unless he wants some...but then I feel what kind fo person wouldn't want their family momentos? Before he left, I mentioned this..he was like "whatever."

Nowadays I think he's more aware of his surroundings. It's like he was living in a fog of pain and anger...it's starting to life. He's realizing the imporatance of family.

knortoh · 10-26-2009, 05:52 PM

Isn't it mazing how are our situations are all different - we are probably all very different people who would not 'normally' have crossed paths - and yet we can describe and explain and understand eachother's heartache - I find this so amazing and humbling - how different we all are - but how similiar we all are - I know that I don't really 'know' you guys - but I have shared things with you that I haven't told anyone else - and I feel connected to you all - I do...

mls31 · 10-26-2009, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corpuswife

It's sad to look at the momentos and remember. I have family pictures lined down my upstairs hallway. Who keeps those? What about our marriage photo album? What about the baby pictures?

As I am getting ready to move my half of the stuff into storage, I just had the same thoughts. Part of me wants to leave all of our wedding photos behind so that my H has that reminder of "what could've been." But part of me wants to keep them to remember the happy times. And then there's that other part of me wants to have a few beers and set them on fire!

I feel really bad for my parents. They footed the bill for a very lovely wedding. We worked for many months on making it the wedding of our dreams. Now I feel like they wasted their money.

Some of you said if you could marry your spouse again, you would. I'm not so sure if I would. Yes I love him and considered him my best friend. However, I am still young and maybe I shouldn't have rushed into marriage with the first guy who gave me attention. Maybe it's too early to say something like this.