My New Beginning

wren · 10-14-2009, 08:32 AM

I'm proud of you. Keep on, keeping on FA.

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 10:38 AM

I've finished the book. CW you are right I had to read it within 24 hours. It is an amazing picture of my life and issues. There are exercises to do which I didn't. I wanted to absorb everything first and then go back to it.

I've found that through counseling I've already started working on some of the areas. This brings all my issues together for me under one roof. Amazing!

Corpuswife · 10-14-2009, 10:43 AM

haha! I knew you would read it fast. When I am on "fire" I can read anything quick. I'm an obsessive reader!!

Are the exercises geared toward helping you become integrated?

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 10:48 AM

Yes CW they are geared to leaving behind the Nice Guy and taking control of my life and becoming an integrated male.

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 12:15 PM

Actually the confronting my childhood issues, and dealing with them was one of the exercises. So I actually started before reading the book.

Corpuswife · 10-14-2009, 03:19 PM

It's coming together for you. That must be really freeing.

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 03:43 PM

Yes it is coming together somewhat. Now that I think about it, my counselor might have suggested the book during a session and I kick myself for not getting it then. Oh well, I'm not perfect.

As I've said I've read it and actually typed out all the exercises and started working on them. There are 46 of them. Some are thinking about things, others are doing things, while others combine the two. I don't do all things NG, but enought that I will do them all anyway. Parts of the book really hit home.

To think I could put other people through pain to hide my own imperfections and seek their approval. But I'm not perfect and I can't please everyone. If I live by that mantra, I'll be okay.

knortoh · 10-14-2009, 03:59 PM

FA is it about 're-training' yourself?

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 04:01 PM

Yes K it is retraining in a lot of ways. It is creating a paradigm shift from one set of ways and beliefs to another. One which is destructive to relationships to one which is productive.

knortoh · 10-14-2009, 04:17 PM

Sounds 'big' -

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 05:03 PM

I'm not looking at it as big or not, just want I need to do. DOn't want to overwhelm myself with the magnitude. Attack it one step at a time.

knortoh · 10-14-2009, 06:57 PM

sensible! of course you can do it...

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 07:15 PM

I am. I will. I must meet my needs first. Sounds selfish, but without that you become hollow, so it isn't.

Corpuswife · 10-14-2009, 08:04 PM

Exactly you do become hollow. IF anything..ignoring your needs and placing hers above yours created this situation. Of course, that was ALL of it but a good deal. I know it was with my H.

Feelingalone · 10-14-2009, 08:14 PM

Yes it did CW it created the tension, the communication issues etc. That is NG in a nutshell. But no defense of her actions that is for sure. I think I know what she is now. Some guys on the other forum said she was BPD, but actually I think she is a histronic personality. Extreme mood swings, self centered, needs to be center of attention, drama, doesn't stay in a relationship to work on it looks for a new one, sexually casual in a way. Scary how much that sound like her.

Well I'm going through the Breaking Free exercises. I'm sure I'll have to do them a bunch of times to get it. But I'm getting the gist of what I do and did. That is always the first step to recovery.

That might be what a MLC is - a realization of your hollowness.