FA- The OM are toys right now. They are a distraction from reality.. She is trying to escape from facing it. When the novelty wears off so will her distraction. I hope its soon for your sake..
Just because you distance yourself and move on with your life doesn't mean that your relationship will never be restored.
I have been afraid to take control and move on because I might lose hope and "what if" he wants to come back. I might have detached totally and then our marriage could never be restored.
The fact is we still love our spouses...even the cheating ones. However, given the right circumstance and their amends (over time) things can change. Just like they changed for the worse things can change for the better.
I truly believe this...
Given all of this...we have to preserve ourself and look forward to a life without our spouses. We cannot totally focus on them if they are not present in our homes or our lives.
Numbness is a protective shield and I'm glad to have it.
I'm proud of you FA...you have come along way. Personally you've worked on your NG tendencies and you've been able to see your wife as a flawed soul as well.
It's not all without sadness and a bit of hope. We are human.
Don't expect total detachment....just allow things to happen as you move forward.
I believe total detachment could take years...if at all.
CW, I'm still a work in progress. But then I am human. That is something I am learning about myself. That it is okay to make mistakes and not beat yourself up about them. To live one day at a time. I'm getting there.
Yes it does come with sadness. The last 2 days I've been said for the reality of my new situation with my son hit me hard. I just plan on being there for him the best I can. I will still coach teams and such. I will be there for him.
You are there for your son. He knows it clearly. It's wonderful that you son has a dad present in his life. Many children don't have that opportunity. I didn't.
Yes CW, I'll continue to pray for her, for me and for my little guy. I will be active in his life. That is up to me not her. It will be different.
Yes do we really detach that easily? For you it has been such a long relationship. Mine is only a 1/3 of the time or less. I don't think I will ever detach wholly, hard to with a young son. Even if there wasn't a child it would be hard.
I just can't beat myself up anymore about the what if I had done this. It is in the past, I made mistakes, she did, and I'm fixing mine. If only she had your heart CW, I don't think I would have ever needed this forum.
I don't think it's easy detaching. I will probably never be completely detached with my H. We have kids and we have a long history. He will be the same...I am willing to bet. Not that he won't be distracted with OW or his hobbies but he'll come around in cycles. You bet.
You can't be yourself up anymore FA. I made my mistakes as well...it probably was the central part of our marriage demise. My depression let negative feelings grip our marriage. I was sick and selfish but I stayed. He couldn't help and was frustrated and scared. I got better. He got depressed. He ran.
Maybe it's my personality to stick around. I know it's part of my loyalty. You wife maybe doesn't have that personality or feel loyal. She has so many issues to deal with FA and isn't there at all. Her anger towards you will freeze her from growing.
Even though your relationship wasn't as long...it took you a long while to get married. You meant it and didn't take it lightly. That was important to you. You knew your wife was the one. I never got to play the field like many....but I didn't want to.
I read that it takes 1 year for every 5 years married to recover from a divorce. I can't imagine 5 years of recovering!!
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