My New Beginning

Feelingalone · 10-15-2009, 10:11 AM

Another day and here is my mantra "No Matter What Happens, I Will Handle It". And "I Am Perfectly Imperfect".

Positive affirmations to get into my head. To look at the crisis I'm in as a gift from the universe. If it wasn't for my w, I wouldn't be learning so much about me. Why I felt unfullfilled. Why my needs are important. That only I can make myself happy.

I control me and no one else. I can do anything.

knortoh · 10-15-2009, 10:31 AM

at a low moment my mum told me
you are in control of you
she's hasn't read any self-help books it was pure life experience talking - it has stayed with me

Corpuswife · 10-15-2009, 11:00 AM

It's good to hear you saying positive things FA. I'm no longer hearing that it was your fault or you caused the relationship breakdown. I know, in your heart, all along that you felt she contributed. Not until you knew that she was with OM (for sure) did you start really allowing yourself to think she was a big contributor to the breakdown.

I feel sorry for my H and the ones that will live their lives repeating the same mistakes. How fulfilling is that? I NEVER want to go through something like this. I don't know if I will ever marry again. I know many say that and change their minds. It's just the heartbreak and drama involved is so intense. I've always loved a calm and peaceful life. It's one that I've chosen.

Feelingalone · 10-15-2009, 11:22 AM

Yes it feels good. I'm starting to realize that the biggest difference between my w and the other woman I dated was (1) I truly loved her and (2) she is the mother of my child. Number 2 is what made me fall into NG land. I was worried about the family so much that I gave myself to her lock stock and barrel. I didn't want the unit to come apart. But NG didn't help and then this crap by her.

So I am feeling empowered again.

knortoh · 10-15-2009, 05:04 PM

So FA you think the tipping point for you was your son and the idea of the family unit...?
I know that I have said this before but I feel lots of your underlying issues (as regards you and your wife) are really about very different 'moral' takes on life - for you the family unit was sacred...
it seems to me that what you are saying is that you felt by 'worshipping' her doing the NG stuff you could protect what you vaued most -a family life for your son...
it is heartbreaking when we realise that we have to let go of that stuff isn't it?

Feelingalone · 10-15-2009, 05:13 PM

She is nothing to me now. NOthing........................................... .................................................. .................................................. ........

Corpuswife · 10-15-2009, 06:22 PM

Nothing....does that mean you are trying to convince yourself that she's nothing? Or do you think that you've completely detached yourself at this point?

Feelingalone · 10-15-2009, 07:21 PM

She is gone from my life as of tonight. I am taking my son and leving.

knortoh · 10-15-2009, 07:37 PM

FA, where are you going?

Corpuswife · 10-15-2009, 09:54 PM

Let us know what you're thinking or doing? You are sounding different now. I've already PM'd you.

Feelingalone · 10-16-2009, 04:23 AM

Sorry about that guys. Just a very angry moment last evening. I PM'd you both back and explained. I just don't like two faced people and I was played.

The realization of how much I was played just got to me last night. Went to bed right after that post.

Thank you for your concern.

wren · 10-16-2009, 07:59 AM

Thinking of you FA. I hope you're okay.

Feelingalone · 10-16-2009, 08:36 AM

I'm doing the best I can. My exW is unleashing my beast within. And she won't like it.

Corpuswife · 10-16-2009, 08:39 AM

WHEW! That was a sucky day????

I worry that you are holding this in for too long. I think you need to tell her (soon) that you know what she's up to. I would also love to confront this OM as well. Let him know that his wife needs to know the situation.

I can't believe you haven't unleashed yet!

Feelingalone · 10-16-2009, 08:45 AM

I don't have everything I need quite yet totallly unleash. As I said in my PM I will be getting a background check done on him to determine where he lives. Also probably a couple more days of pictures. Want to have the ammo to unleash properly.