My New Beginning

wren · 10-19-2009, 07:41 AM

I'm glad you are allowing yourself to have fun, FA!

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 09:08 AM

FA: You are in shape if you are playing soccer. That's alot of running and kicking and head bopping!
It's good that you have an outlet.

K: SAHM=stay at home mom
Anxiety...my H developed it this year at a greater level. Before MC sessions he would sit in the parking lot..not wanting to go in (we drove separate). Or after a MC session he would stay in his car for an hour. Not sure if he was upset or not but he did say it was anxiety. He would have it many time throughout the day. He wasn't dealing. It was pure emotion and lack of control. He was RX Zanax..which he took at night to help him sleep and on occasions when he had high anxiety. I was surprised that he asked for a RX as it would say "out loud" to others that something was wrong. Basically, ever time there was an even (MC, divorce talk, work stress) he would have higher than normal levels of anxiety.

This was a new during the last year.

Feelingalone · 10-19-2009, 09:21 AM

I'm getting there as far as "in-shape" goes. I will be starting to do other things to enhance what soccer has done for me over the last 2 years or so. It was fun. I'm beginning to understand the game better and better. How and where to move without the ball, etc.

Anxiety, yes I've had that. Learned to control it through breathing exercises - no drugs. Don't like to use medicine too much. Not because it would make me imperfect (although I never thought about that angle) but because I just am not comfortable just popping pills for stuff. I don't even take aspirin very often.

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 09:59 AM

FA: I am the same way with pills. I take a multi vitamin and that's about it. I also am like that with my kids. Don't take unless you have to....

Anxiety has alot to do with control or the lack of...and also what you are "telling" yourself. Breathing exercises are wonderful.

Before my H left I suggested Yoga or something. Some of the bikers are taking yoga classes. I was like "that would be a great idea for you." To calm his mind and get "centered."

Feelingalone · 10-19-2009, 10:05 AM

Yes yoga probably would calm his mind.

Feelingalone · 10-19-2009, 11:15 AM

Why is it that at times you feel so good and then all of a sudden you feel so empty? Right at this moment I feel empty. My little guy is sick today - he is with the w - and I want to just hold him and tell him he'll be better. I think that is why I feel empty, because I can't do that. And it sucks.

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 12:30 PM

It's a reminder that you won't always be there. There will be times when he will be in your care and sick...then the shoe is on the other foot for her.

knortoh · 10-19-2009, 02:02 PM

FA it does suck and it is something you and I are going to have to adjist to - or maybe it is something we will always be sad about.

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 02:09 PM

Funny thing FA, being a NG, you probably have expressed more feeling here than you have in your life!!!

I'm not a NG and the same goes for me!!

Feelingalone · 10-19-2009, 02:20 PM

Yes, I believe you are right CW. I've often thought about that very idea. Why couldn't I express this to others without it being in anonymity land. I guess I was afraid my expression would be rejected. Now I realize what a mistake that has been.

knortoh · 10-19-2009, 02:26 PM

You know guys as cathartic as this place is for me - (you have no idea how it is helping me) I think in part at least my frustration and anger is driven by the sense that I can express myself here and 'be heard' and yet the right to express myself to my H has been taken. Yet still I have the on-going sense that I can get through to him. It must be false - I have these imaginary conversations with him all the time. I miss talking to him SO much....

Waiting Patiently · 10-19-2009, 04:56 PM

Knor-ne more thing- for those of us desperately living the no contact rule with our spouses; I think this forum allows us to decompress and allow the steam out of the kettle; allowing us to vent through a safe venue without doing the same to our spouses which could be disastourous in those situations where the possibility of reconciliation is still present.

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 06:03 PM

For obvious reasons were aren't able to express ourselves to our spouses. Either it the no contact or divorce process or it's over or it's not appropriate....This place has allowed me to come and vent or just describe a thing or two. I really appreciate all of the imput that I've received.

K: I find myself talking out loud to my H as well...during the sad times. It's almost an imaginary conversation. Not daily mind you...just when the frustration begins to kick in. You aren't alone!

Feelingalone · 10-19-2009, 06:31 PM

Wow, there appears to be the possiblity of a 2nd OM. Goodess, where does it end.

Corpuswife · 10-19-2009, 09:06 PM

What? 2 OM's at the same time????