My New Beginning

Corpuswife · 10-20-2009, 08:48 PM

You know FA...life is too short to keep lists and anger. It is also selfish, on my part, it takes too much energy to do those things.

I think the same way, if my H would only have the ability to gain some insight, like you...then I wouldn't be on this board.

Feelingalone · 10-20-2009, 09:12 PM

Alas, too late for me and probably for your H. I hope he comes to his senses to understand what he will lose. I know he comprehends it due to his shame and guilt, but do something man, do something.

knortoh · 10-20-2009, 11:16 PM

I am so with you guys on the anger stuff at the moment - I know I have my angry moments but I feel strongly (my gut is telling me) that it is way more important to accept and not blame than to seek any sort of satisfaction from sharing my anger with him ...

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 09:25 AM

My anger at her subsided today for some reason. As you said CW, it isn't worth it and takes up a lot of energy from other more important things in my life. I don't know why, last night at baseball game (my son couldn't play - sick) I just had a lot of fun with the kids and talking with the parents.

Just had fun and didn't think of her at all. Missed him, but unfortunately that is easing in the sense that I realize my life is what it is now.

Today I have some peace. Maybe because he knows more about what is going on. Maybe it is something else.

All I know is you guys are there for me, with my flaws and all. I'm learning that it is ok to be human and make mistakes, that I am perfectly imperfect and people still like me. I know this sounds corny, but for a NG it is hard to accept. But I'm getting there and don't beat myself up for it.

wren · 10-21-2009, 09:42 AM

You're a good human, FA. And you will be okay!

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 09:51 AM

Thanks Wren. I don't know if I'm good or not -- just human and right now that means the most.

wren · 10-21-2009, 09:53 AM

If you are caring and willing to take a honest look at yourself in hopes of being healthy, then you are good FA. Learning to accept yourself will give you permission to admit that not only are you human but good, also.

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 10:40 AM

Thanks again.

Corpuswife · 10-21-2009, 01:09 PM

Nicely said Wren..I agree.

I understand and respect that you were able to look inside yourself FA...and find the good, bad, and ugly! But you know what...you are mostly good!

knortoh · 10-21-2009, 01:19 PM

I agree with CW and W FA you are good!

but I'd like to take this opportunity to explain:

can I tell you a key moment for me was when d8zed asked us if we;d 'do it all again' -

I had to think about that and I came up with the answer
yes - we are more than our personality types...

I have been intrigued with what I 'miss' of my H..

and I have come to the conclusion that I miss his spirit, his soul, his being - which is VERY good - very SHINY -

his personality problems are crap - and at the moment and maybe FOREVER he's being held ransom by them -

but his beauty, his goodness is there (somewhere)

and FA yours is - on this board your goodness shines through - it just does and if this is the beginning of you recognising that and if we help reflect that goodness back to you "it's all good" !!!!!!

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 01:29 PM

That was beautiful. I wish my w was like you guys so much. She just sees the traits and not the depth, but then I've probably shown that here more than to her or anyone else.

knortoh · 10-21-2009, 01:36 PM

FA it's not something you just see, you feel it, sense it with your whole being -
if your wife can't see it in you it is because she has no capacity to - and so can't shine it back on you -
that's just what I think

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 01:49 PM

K, I'm starting to see that about her. She most likely is a narcissist. Which explains a lot of her behavior. I don't want my son to be like I was or how she is, so I've got to keep my eyes open.

knortoh · 10-21-2009, 01:52 PM

Yep that makes sense - only interested in herself - is that what that means - it is certainly how it seems from this perspective.

Feelingalone · 10-21-2009, 01:55 PM

Yes narcissits are self centered people with idealized versions of something. I think she has an idealized version of what love and marriage are in life. They want to be adored, but when the giver stops or slows down, move on to the next one. No true empathy. Don't work on relationships - run from them.