I am so weak and empty
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Old 10-21-2009, 02:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I am so weak and empty

unfortunately my partner and I broke up a couple of months ago and what a breakup it was! she got me arrested and accused of something I did not do and such a big shock to me as this is not me, or my character.



I miss her so much, everything, every SINGLE day I think of her, I think about everything we talked about, every single conversation, every single time we went out, held each other... you name it.



I miss her so much, its unbelievable. we were infact going to eventually get married.



thing is, our relationship was so unique and special because I am a professional but have old fashioned moral and ethical values, im a strong person (or I was) and so pure and genuine with alot of sincerity.



this is what made her drive to me, what attracted her to me. She was older, had 2 kids, divorced but had a series of bad relationships in the past but I restored her confidence and everything, and our love we had, was pure and unconditional..... so special.



I helped her so much such as, bailing her out from an eviction (alot of money), helping her with the eldest son who had behavioral issues, supporting her when her ex husband was putting her down over the phone, when she got admitted to hospital, when she was having other issues - i took ALOT on.



pure commitment and dedication and then for someone to accuse me of something like this or set me up? Just unbelievable.



I ALWAYS asked her how she feels about me, how things are etc... and answer was always positive, as I am a person that believes in improvement always.

she also said that she has never been so secure, comfortable ever in her life, not even in her marriage until she met me.
just holding each other in bed was more than enough for us.... but also had good response to showing one another love.

Her friends kept interferring with the relationship which caused all this to happen but also because she was communicating with this guy she apperently had a one night stand with (yet she said to me before she doesnt do such things) and I pointed this out twice to her calmly that I dont appreciate it and this is one of many reasons why relationships fail......
she understood and said it wouldnt happen again but it did.

she would always plead, beg and physically stop me from leaving her premesis when I was upset so I could go home, cool down, reflect on things etc...


this time round she pinned me on the bed before letting me go and since then it has been cold/tension but talking on minimal levels, which to be honest did not make any sense.

then she said that she does still want me, loves me (this was over the period of the downturn but especially the day before), and when things had blown up (they didnt. it was a minor disagreement for heaven sake) she didnt end it because she loves me.


and from there, she kind of set me up and ended it, got me into trouble with the law and so on. not nice at all.

im so weak, on anti depressants and what not. I just wonder who the heck she is with now, how dare she betray me even though she always said and I agree, we were meant to be. it isnt "high school" talk, this was the real deal.

And then this. how dare she wash our love away with someone else if she is with them, how dare she let them touch her and tainting our pure, true love.

im so sad and strained/drained every day. wishing I could talk to her or see her but cannot do this.

she took the best of me and has done this. makes no sense at all. her friends were probably feeding her poisen and controlling her and blaming that on me it is so bad.

just after everything I did for her, and everything we had to be ruined on something so minor.... makes no sense.

i just wish/wonder if she ever thinks of me. probably not, and its my birthday next month..... and she said i was going to have the best one as I never do anything for my birthday.

for HER birthday, I gave her an eternity ring but also bought a cake from a place that makes the queen's cake (I am from the UK). she, and her family, were impressed and happy.

it makes no sense. i just wish she would contact me but that wont be the case. so sick and sad.

why, oh why. I want you darling.... i miss you and you know how great we are together, these are also your words - not mine.


we connect on all levels - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is something that is VERY rare these days but importantly, we both had given up on this until we met..... from the moment we saw each other.... was total bliss.

just makes no sense. why. what we have is so special, so worth it so why do this and ruin it? She even said a couple of times before that she doesnt regret anything but also that we are worth everything (this was earlier in the relationship)

i just wish..... well. i know wishes dont come true, only time it came true was with her.


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Old 10-26-2009, 07:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am so weak and empty

Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderer View Post

we connect on all levels - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is something that is VERY rare these days but importantly, we both had given up on this until we met..... from the moment we saw each other.... was total bliss.



Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

But most of all LOVE DOESN'T HURT.....

good luck...
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Old 11-23-2010, 07:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am so weak and empty

thats interesting. Isnt love the one thing that has power to hurt
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Old 11-23-2010, 08:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am so weak and empty

I think it hurts worse than anything else.
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Old 11-23-2010, 08:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am so weak and empty

I'm hearing an awful lot of "nice guy" issues here. Look uo the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" and see how it sits with you.
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Old 11-25-2010, 12:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am so weak and empty

I agree about the nice guy thing. But as I was reading my mind is thinking does she really feel the same way as you do. sounds like she was using you. some women perfer men that are not good to or for them. sounds like you should find someone who would love you like you deserve good luck
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