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Urgh - I am just fuming this morning!
My husband is so impossible to talk to. He is all over the place about how he feels and what he wants. I have decided, firmly, what I want. We need some real decisions about finances - right now. One day he says he will pay for various things, the next day he says something entirely different. His truck is giving him trouble and he is now talking about buying a new truck. I told him that we really need to work out finances - legally, before he does that because what he buys while we are still married will complicate things.
He insists that he wants a divorce, but then will tell me how much he loves me and how much pain he is in. So, this morning I was thinking... why don't we just file for a legal separation? I called him with this idea. Boy, was that a dumb move!
He changed subjects I don't know how many times in the five minutes or so that we talked. I tried to stay on the track of finances, but he kept trying to go off on how I have changed and how I have to love myself, etc. He whined about having no internet access when I suggested that he could download financial forms. I told him I am so tired of the internet access excuse. Internet access is really not that hard to come by these days. He surely must have friends he could go to. He could go online at work after he clocks out. He could go to the library, etc. Hell, he spent the entire day here yesterday while I was visiting my sister and he was here most of the day Friday while I was at work.
So, I am tired of him saying he is going to file for a divorce and then doing nothing. On Wednesday he said he was going to file, on Thursday he said the same. When I asked him about it on Friday he said he didn't have time. But, he had time to come over here and get some things ready for Halloween with our daughter and mow the lawn??? Not that I am complaining that he did the lawn LOL, but it is just one bull**** excuse after another with him.
So, I called today to suggest a legal separation. He saw no point in it and insisted that he wanted a divorce. I told him that if that is what he wants then he needs to get on it so that we can settle the finances. I asked him when he could pick up the paperwork? He said he didn't know. I asked, by the end of the week? He didn't know. I told him that he either needs to get on it or I am going to go at least get the stuff to settle the finances. From what I understand we can at least start that process without even filing for divorce or separation.
This is where he started twisting everything I said so badly I could hardly keep up with him. I told him that I didn't call to get in a big argument. I had called just to make a suggestion that I had wanted him to think over. He says, oh, but now you want an answer by tomorrow. I said, no, that I told him that I could go pick up the financial paperwork tomorrow if he was not sure when he could go get the divorce paperwork. You see, I am quite sure that what he wants is for me to begin the divorce process so that he can blame it on me. I have told him repeatedly that I do not want a divorce, but I do want to reach some agreements about finances. So, all I am willing to do is pick up the financial paperwork.
We have no real assets or debt, other than our house. He seems hellbent on fighting over nothing. And, he seems convinced that somehow I will have to pay him spousal support even though he makes more than I do. He said he has talked to "people". I told him that maybe he should talk to a lawyer, because when he told me to a few weeks ago, I did. I took her our pay stubs and tax returns and she said that he would be paying me. Again, we don't have much, so it is really just a simple formula to figure out who pays what.
The house is the only real sticking point because my mother has been giving me the money to buy the house (including the downpayment) for years now. My husband claims he wants his share of the house. Well, first of all - we refinanced so many times, that years and years of our debt are now tied up in the mortgage. We owe nearly twice what we bought it for 17 years ago. Given the current market, our house is not worth much more than we owe. I have told him that if he walks away from the house, I will keep the debt, he will not have to pay me support, he can keep his 401k, etc. Just walk and we can be done with each other. He doesn't want to do that. He insists on paying attorneys to fight over nothing.
I am hoping a mediator can help us sort this out. Or, maybe if he goes back to the counselor - but I am not sure he will go back at this point. Apparently the last time he went the session ended with my husband blaming the counselor for the changes in me. He said that the Lexapro has changed me and that now I am "reading all these books" that apparently are turning me into a different person. He rolls his eyes at the word "co-dependent". He says, you don't think you have changed? I said, hell yeah I have. I am tired of being that person. I am tired of letting you do whatever you want while I am miserable. But, at the same time, I do still hang onto a sliver of hope that maybe he will finally start to see things as they really are and we can save this - that is why I do not want a divorce. I don't want to burn bridges.
Thanks for listening.