On the verge of losing her. - Page 2

twoblave · 03-13-2008, 10:52 AM

Well here is her repsonse.

I appreciate your email. However, I’m not ready to make that decision yet. I do love you and I do miss you, but I’m just struggling with my hurt and resent. I’m really thinking this through a lot with help from my therapist. I just am worried about going back to the way I was feeling before. It took a real toll on me emotionally.

Believe me, I don’t want to keep you hanging, but I don’t want to make any rash decisions. I’m really glad that you are doing better. I worry about you all the time, but like I’ve said before, I really need to worry about myself.

As you know, I’m leaving for Nashville on Sunday morning and will return on Wednesday night. I was going to ask my mom to feed the cats, but if you would like to, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to see you.

Love always,

Here was my response.

Go ahead and have your mom feed the cats. I'll be transferring about $350.00 to your account, sometime tommorrow. Have a safe trip.

Love ya,

Felt it was short and to the point. Strong but hints of love still in there. It was nice to finally see some affection from her. I have a mission to stay strong and confident. To show her strength and love and that same time. I don't think either of us wants to go back to the way our relationship was. That's one thing we can agree on. I want our relationship to have the passion it used to. Not in a new love kind of way but I feel secure because I love and respect you kind of way. Let me know what you guys think.

Amplexor · 03-13-2008, 11:05 AM

Sounds promising. Be there for her if she needs. She has asked for time. Be sure to give it to her. Support her as she goes through all of this and keep working on your personal changes and improvements. Good luck

draconis · 03-13-2008, 02:31 PM

Why did you turn down feeding the cats?

Just wondering.

draconis

twoblave · 03-13-2008, 04:50 PM

Well, for one the money it would cost to drive out there 4 days in a row is really more than I can afford. I will be keeping about $30 out of my check and giving her the rest. Also, I want her to get a sense of me being strong. I love our cats dearly, which she knows. It may sound a little weird but any chance I can show her that I'm my own person, I need to take advantage of. I still made it a point to tell her to be safe. I also liked telling her love ya at the end because it sounds like I'm telling her I love her but in a happy go lucky way. I guess I'm over thinking it a little. The way I see it, I need to take advantage of every word, thought, and opportunity that I can. If she had said she needed me to feed them, then I would have done it. Since there was an option, I took the choice that gave me (I hope) a little bit of an edge. What are your thoughts about her response? Do you think it was wrong to tell her no about the cats? I didn't give her a reason and I'm not really sure what I would say if she asked. I don't really wanna remind her that I'm broke.

draconis · 03-13-2008, 06:07 PM

Some people relate pets to children. STrange but very true. I would have though holding a bit more of the money to take care of them and it was almost as if she was leaving the door open for you to test you. Maybe she wanted to have the sense of you being around while she needed you and this will force her to make up her mind of what it will be like without you.

You still could have played it cool either way but I just thought it strange.

I do think it sounds like giving her space and time will work in your advantage or atleast better then any other option.

keep us up to date and don't force things.

draconis

twoblave · 03-14-2008, 03:54 PM

Just felt like venting a bit. Some days it feels like I'm strong others feel very sad and frightening. Today is one of the latter. Nothing in paticular happened. She never repsonded to my last email. Not that she really needed to. Sometimes the silence is so hard to deal with. I am really scared of losing her. Of course I'm not going mention any of this to her. Even if we do get back together, how are we going to deal with all this? It's not like I can pretend this didn't happen. Sometimes I feel like she will tell me about an affair she had or is having. I keep reading that people who separate almost always get a divorce. God, that's tough to deal with. I know there is nothing I can do about her feelings. I can only focus on what I do. It's not that I'm going to start crying, begging, or pleading but I just wish everything was the way it use to be. I want happiness. I want me to feel happiness with her by my side. I want her to be happy as well. This is such a frustrating time. There is so much hurt on both sides. I guess I'm feeling impatient and worried. I wish the suffering would end. This rollercoster ride from hell is really taking it's toll on me. One day I'm confident and hopefull the next I'm scared and confused. The nightmares continue. I keep losing sleep. She is just so slient. I need words of encourgement. Is there anything that can be done to help with the silence?

draconis · 03-14-2008, 04:34 PM

Lots can be done and the first thing is to help yourself. If yoiu are physically able to get to a gym. Working out is healthy for the body and mind (It releases hormones that make you feel happy, and also releases the same hormones as sexual satisfaction too) Not only will you have a way to work through the hard times but you will also have a hobby. You will look better, feel better and have more confidence.

Write, type and pour your soul out on paper or a blog. Even if it is just for yourself so you can express how you feel.

Remember, we are always here for you too, even if just to read (listen) to you.

draconis

twoblave · 03-15-2008, 08:01 PM

Is it normal for a walk away spouse to not speak weeks at a time and when they do, not talk about what's going on? I won't push for answers but it feels so strange to be in love and to be close, then all of sudden the complete opposite. I have realized lately that this is the worst thing to happen in my life. Thankfully I haven't lost (death) anyone close to me yet. The heartache seems unbearable sometimes. Since I will be taking the tough love angle with her, she will never truly know the suffering I'm enduring. Why the need to be so slient? Could it be guilt for something she hasn't told me? Dwelling on this stuff is not productive but I find it on my mind way to much. I guess I start to miss her then my fears creep in. I wish this misery would end. I just want to be happy and content with my wife. Is this normal to feel this way?

twoblave · 03-16-2008, 10:14 PM

Interesting night. Gotta call from the wife. She's is in Nashville for work. We live in FL. She had txt me I luv u and miss u. I sent one back saying I luv u. She called me 5 mins later. She was crying. I answered in a positive voice. She asked what I was doing. Told her I was winding down for the night. Just got off work. She said I wanted you to know that I miss you and love you and that she thinks about us all the time. That she's not having an easy time with all this. She doesn't want to keep me hanging but she just isn't ready to make a choice yet. She said she doesn't want to get back together just because she's lonely. I told her I wouldn't have it any other way. I was loving but firm. I said if you come back that I need her to committ to fixing the realtionship. That it couldn't all be me doing the work and it wouId take some time. I said I'm interested in moving forward with or without her. I said if we divorce that I wouldn't hate her but need her out of my life completely to move forward. I spoke of not needing anyone but God to make me happy anymore. If she wanted to end it that she didn't need to worry. I would be fine. I told her I had my own dreams and desires. I want a family, I want to have passion, desire, and happiness in my relationship. I want a nice body, I want a successful career., Told her these need to happen regardless of the outcome to this situation. It acutally turned out to be a great talk. The best since this separation happend. We sound like we are on the same page with most of our feelings. We both agreed that we shouldn't rush into this if we decide to try to work this out. That was my thought. We should try a few dates and see how we feel. If we liked what we saw, we would then go to a marriage counselor to get everything out on the table so we could move forward. I felt that I had achieved some confidence and respect with her and myself, after I hung up. Her biggest fear is that we will end up in the same situation after 6 months and she will regret it. I told her to take time. I made a promise to God to stick this out and I would. She needed me to not be so dependant on her for everything. I agreed and told that her I had discovered I could always depend on God for my needs. No one else. I think she felt better after the talk. I know I did. Sorry this so winded but I have alot to say. I spoke to her about being so negative and how she needs to think more positive about things. I told her feeling sorry for herself wasn't doing her any favors and wasting her energy. Not just this situtation but everything in her life. I said this may be the best thing to happen to us regardless how this turns out. Said we may be happy with someone else or look back at this when we are 90yrs old and laugh about this whole thing. I told her that we will always be apart of each other regardless of the outcome and that was comforting in a way. I said she still has a place in my heart. I don't like to hear her cry. Told her to be positive and let God's timing work all this out. We said we loved each other and said good night. What do you guys think?

Amplexor · 03-17-2008, 06:06 AM

Twoblave

Sounds like a very positive talk. Reading between the lines don’t play too hard to get. Be open about your feelings but continue to be strong and confident. She is rightfully couscous about recommitting to the relationship. There are a number of years of problems for her to get over. Keep up the good work and keep us posted. And remember this will take time. My wife and I are in month ten since our world collapsed and we still have our ups and down. Nothing if defined yet but we are still together. Take care and bless.

draconis · 03-17-2008, 05:30 PM

I don't think you could have said it in a better way. What you said was perfect and I am glad you are finding a better spot yourself too.

draconis