Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Re: On the verge of losing her.
I’m glad I can be of some help. Again, be prepared that this could take a long time to resolve, but time is your ally not your enemy. You will need to consistently show your wife that you are a changed man. That you love her and that you are committed to being the kind of man she wants and needs. Because she is working in a pretty successful job she is independent of you financially. But because she is still willing to give things time she is not emotionally detached from you. At least not fully. To give her space is one of the best things you can do right now. Slowly increase contact with her to show her you are improving and still committed to the marriage. Since you are struggling with emotion when speaking with her try opening an email dialog with her. Try and keep things light as far as discussing your relationship. Keep her posted on your job/job search. How your parents are, what movie you watched over the weekend…. Add a little bit of your feelings for her but keep it to a minimum. My story is very different from yours but my wife detached from the marriage about 18 months ago I believe. I simply was not meeting her emotional needs. I am a good man, husband and father but I really missed the mark on her emotional needs. And this is after we’d been together for over 20 years. She became involved in an emotional affair with someone who made her feel important and needed. It pulled her quite far from me but we never separated. The affair ended a couple of months ago and I know she is still struggling with it. She cares for me but is no longer in love with me. We don’t spend a lot to time talking about us at this point. Just trying to let things move at a natural pace. Obviously if she finds her love for me again, I believe we will move forward in a very happy marriage. If not then we will need to make some decisions. Thank you for your concern. Stay strong and keep working on your changes. Keep your sprits up and your faith strong. Keep away from the negative thoughts. They can be damaging and will interfere with your progress. Sorry I didn’t get back to you over the weekend, kinda crazy here. Bless.
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp