Decision to be made

amanda50 · 10-30-2009, 01:37 PM

Hello,

I've been seperated for 5 months from my husband (together for 20 years). Its a trial seperation.
I'm loving living on my own and have found out a lot about myself but I still have a lot to learn.
I've a male friend that is interested in me and wants to be with me. He's waiting for me to make a decision at some point.
I do need to make a decision whether i want to be with one of them or on my own as they wll want to move on with their lives too, and its not fair to have them tagging along for me.
Is counselling the answer or do i just need to give myself time as its still early days? I'm confused but I need to make the right choice. And once i've made my choice, i'm dreading the day i wll have to tell one of them or both, particularly my husband who i've known for so long and so well.

Thanks!

wren · 10-30-2009, 01:43 PM

Even if decide to stay on your own, I wouldn't rebound so quickly. You've been with this person for twenty years and I think you owe both of you more than just walking away to be with another man. If the marriage ends, wouldn't you want to look back and know you earned your way out of it, respectfully?

Of course, I say all this without knowing the details of your separation. If you were in a bad relationship, my opionions would differ.

Feelingalone · 10-30-2009, 01:46 PM

Amanda, you were with someone for 20 years. Whose idea was seperation. Did you know the OM prior and that is why you seperated? Just remember as long as you have an OM you aren't working on your 20 year relationship at all. There are no buts about that. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it is the truth.

Corpuswife · 10-30-2009, 03:03 PM

I agree with the other posters! Not sure of the details but if the OM was involved your marriage doesn't have a chance...even if there was nothing physical!

I'd step away for awhile from ANY relationship. Get to know you. Work on you. Do some soul searching.

amanda50 · 10-30-2009, 06:44 PM

Yep, i've stepped back and had time on my own but need to make a decision to let the other men go and lead their own lives. I've talked or tried to talk relationships with my husband but have had no luck at all. I would have liked to have worked on my marriage and stayed together but at the end of the day we are just friends and nothing more, I've decided in the last 5 months. To go back to him would be going backward in my life. Life is short and we only live once, why be miserable? What else can you say to me?

Corpuswife · 10-30-2009, 07:02 PM

So you stepped back without another man involved and there is nothing left in your marriage?

What does this OM have to offer?

sandyf · 10-30-2009, 11:09 PM

If you have had no counseling at all, I would suggests at least a few sessions before you go making life-changing decisions without some kind of outside perspective.

I agree with the others that, if the other man was not part of the reason you and your husband separated, I would back off from that one. 20 years is a long time. If there is any chance you and your husband can work things out, you don't need another man in the mix. And, if there is no chance you and your husband can work it out I would still suggest counseling and being on your own for a bit.

My two cents - good luck with your decisions!

Sandy