sandyf

Today has been hard for me - I don't know why. I guess it is because I sent my husband my list of things he needs to do if he wants to try and fix things. I also have given myself a deadline of sorts - the end of November. If I see no action by then I will file for divorce.

Sometimes I feel like I am stupid for giving it as much time as I have already. I so don't want to give up. But, if he has not even seen a glimmer of reality after 6 weeks living with his mother, will he ever?

It's not like this came out of the blue. The past year has been nothing but up and down, mostly down. And, when I didn't think things could get much worse, they did, over and over again. And now, even though things are as dire as they are, he still can't see what the problems are. He just wants to keep blaming everything and everyone else. All he can do is whine about how much pain he is in, but he makes no moves to do anything about it.

So, I guess in a way I have answered my own question... It has been such a hard day because I basically have started the clock ticking. I am torn by all of my feelings right now. Part of me hopes and prays he will finally wake up. But, so many people have told me that guys like my husband do not change. Part of me almost hopes he won't wake up and we can just move on. In some ways that would be easier - actually, in a lot of ways that would be easier. And when I think about how much easier it would be I sometimes wonder why I don't just take that path.

I guess another thing that is bothering me is the biopsy I am having on Thursday. I am trying not to stress over that because I honestly don't think it will turn out to be anything. And, worrying about it won't do any good anyhow. But, along with that, is the fact that, on Saturday I mentioned it to my husband and he said he had forgotten all about it. I was so shocked I didn't ask, but did he really mean he forgot? Had he really, totally and completely forgotten that his wife was going to have a breast biopsy? Or did he mean that it had momentarily slipped his mind? Had he been thinking about it off and on since I told him, or did he really forget? The way he said it, I am under the impression that he really and truly forgot because he is so wrapped up in himself. I guess I could ask for clarification, but I am not sure I want to know the answer. Maybe it is better to have the hope that I took it the wrong way and he didn't really mean he forgot. That would be awful. Could a person that claims to love somebody so much really forget something so important?

Ugh - sometimes I wish I drank! I just don't feel I am going to get much sleep tonight. Some days I just start to feel depressed. Like I just want to lie down in bed and cry and not do anything. But, life goes on. That is what my husband doesn't understand. He can go to his mom's and just deal with his feelings. He can lie in bed and cry when he gets home from work and not do anything else the entire day. If he wanted to he could go to the beach, go to a movie, anything. I have the house and chores and responsibilities and my daughter to think about. Yes, she is 18 and she can take care of herself. But, she has been dragged through enough, I feel I have to keep it together for her. Keep things as normal and routine as possible.

So, wow, speaking of pity parties! It does feel good to get that off my chest though. Thanks to anyone who slogged through all of that

Sandy

MEM11363

It sure sounds like he will be doing you a favor in a sense by not fixing himself. He sure sounds broken. It is sad how these things sometimes work out so badly.

Corpuswife

It's totally normal to feel these emotions. I know I still do...it's extremely frustrating when nothing changes.

Hang in there.

sandyf

Thanks guys

So, the latest development is... Last Friday I went to the bank to see about taking myself off the joint account. They said that my husband would have to come in and sign a new signature card before they could do that. Well, Friday is his day off, so I called him and asked if he could do that. Last night I logged onto the account and found that there is only $4 in there! He set up another account for himself, but is also still using the joint account. So, I sent him a text to see if he had taken me off the account like I had asked. Of course, he has not replied. So now I will have to go to work late so that I can go to the bank and see if I am still on the account. I do not want to be responsible for an account I am no longer using. If I have to talk to a bank manager, or a lawyer to get off that account, I guess I will have to do whatever I have to since Mr. Responsible is not cooperating - surprise, surprise. I swear, every day it is something else *sigh*

Sandy

sandyf

Well, I signed the papers yesterday to get the divorce started. It could get interesting from here on out.

We are getting the bank thing straightened out, but in the meantime he has, once again, acted very immature and said some choice things to me. He says he sold all his guns and put his mom down as the beneficiary on his 401k - neither of which I could really care about, but he seems to think he can just make things of value disappear.

He still insists that he is going to force a sale of the house. He said he can't stand the though of me "banging some other guy in our house". At that point I ended the conversation

Yesterday I found out that a house down the street (a house larger than ours) went on the market for $200k. We have a $289 mortgage, so maybe I should let him force the sale and he can help me get out of this financial mess he helped get me into.

So - here we go - things will be interesting, to say the least!

Sandy