Husband has homosexual urges
Hey everyone. I filed in the "considering" forum as well. But anyway. Let me tell you my problem. About 3 years ago, I unexpectedly had to run by the house one day while my husband was home on his lunch break. Up on the computer screen, there waw homosexual pornographic material. Let me assure you, I AM a female. I confronted him(he had just finished finding "release" while watching the pornography-uncomfortable situation, let me assure you), and he confessed that he'd felt such urges for years, that it was his deepest secret. At this point, he and I had been together for 6 year(together for 9 now). Why did he not seem fit to tell me at any point in the 6 years we'd previously been together? Anyway, he admitted that he did not want to be "done" by a guy(i'm sorry, is there a tactful way to put this), but he sort of wanted to "do" a guy instead. At the time, I was working part time with limited pay and we had a one year old girl. (I think she was one). Anyway, a year later, I ran across some more homesexual pornography on our computer. I decided I couldn't bear it anymore. I told him I was thinking about leaving him. He cried and said he couldn't live without me and our daughter and that he'd been considering asking me to try to get pregnant again. I told him we'd just go to bed and talk some more over time so that he would have time to get used to the idea. I also swore I wouldn't tell anyone why we were getting divorced. Well, about 2-3 weeks later, I started waking up during the night with him on top of me. This happened for about 2 weeks. Next thing I know, I'm PREGNANT AGAIN!!! And I wasn't even a willing participant in the act that impregnated me. So, he decided everything was okay, and I'm still unhappy. I come from a religious background(my bro is a preacher). I have discussed this with him. He told me that by my husband physically acting on his homosexual urges, he was committing a sexual immorality(which is the only reason the Bible says that you are allowed to divorce). So, while he recommended counseling, he did confirm that it would be biblically okay for me to divorce(even if I never tell the world why we divorced and they assume the worst-you know how it is). Lately, a friend of mine has expressed a sexual interest in me, and I've always felt a spark of interest in him as well. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave my husband to have sex with this man!!!!! I'm just worried b/c I feel cheated out of the life I could be living. I am not comfortable with adultery, and still have no feelings for my husband. Well, honestly, I DO love him. He's been my best friend for 9 years. Why wouldn't I? But the passionate, spousal love that I had for him disappeared when I saw proof of his feelings toward two homosexual men that day. It has NOT come back, and that happened 3 years ago. I know he has the urges even today. I don't even want him to touch me anymore. After this occurred, I refused to do the "doggy" style with him(sorry, is there a more appropriate way to put that?). Then, after a while, I learned to crawl into that position b/c it would make him have an orgasm almost immediately and I could get him away from me. So, I still feel like he wants to be with a man. Then, about 3 weeks ago, he pushed my 4 year old daughter for no reason(honestly, she didn't do anything but walk up and ask if she could play) and then he dropped her the other night intentionally b/c she wouldn't moved out of his way, so I've had even more reason to want to leave him recently. I don't want him to hurt my girls. Obviously, he didn't take it too well when I tried to leave him before, and I've decided to have "the talk" with him on Friday to tell him I think I still want out. Any advice would be appreciated. Whether you think there's hope for us yet or if you have any advice on the way to actually make him understand that "leave" means "leave", I would so appreciate it. Thanks so much! And please respond. I'm so desperate. I'm at wit's end. Nervous breakdown material. Help
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Re: Husband has homosexual urges
