antoine83

dont want to post a long story so i wanna keep it short as possible cuz im too devastated at this time. my wife of 4 1/2 yrs has left me and our 2 beautiful kids 4 yr old boy and 17 month girl for another woman. she has Only known her for 4 months and were just friends at first but turned into something more apparently. we had a normal marriage ups and downs but good. she worked on her issues as i worked on mines and things got even better she even told me she was very happy with the way i was and happiest wife in the world which turned out to be a lie. this past friday she went out with her friends even though her sons birthday party was next day. i was already suspicious bout the 2 of em but had no proof and had arguements bout the other girl but just turned my head the other way try to give her the benefit of the doubt and trust her by accident i found a disturbing text talking bout they love each other and miss each other and wanna hold each other and even marriage was brought up. she confessed they kissed that friday night but i believe they did more but she denied it we talked about it which wasnt pretty told her she needs to cut her off period or we wont survive she said she would and left to clear her head and text me to say she called her to make sure choosing me was the right decision i was like what kinda response is that. i tried to find some way to forgive her and felt i could move past this but she kept saying i wouldnt then i realized it was her who couldnt. she told me she loved her and doesnt think she can let her go at all at least have as a friend i broke down crying telling her how selfish can u be did u even think bout me or even the kids and she said she did i said ur a liar and continue to cry. she kept saying sorry but meant nothing to me at that point she moved out for the night to that girls house and later that night we talked again and she flat out told me she gonna continue to be friends with her at least cuz she is a good person and gotta do what makes her happy and she does. i told her so your choosing a friend over ur husband and kids whats wrong with u she said no she isnt i chose to leave her i said i had no other option left i cant be with u if u want to still have this woman in ur life and she didnt seem to care she hasnt for almost 2 days even asked how the kids are. i have never been so hurt or devastated in my life or cried and continue to cry this much

sorry if it sounds all out of sync or not making sense im just so heart broken

dobo

I'm sorry for what you are experiencing.

How old is she? Did you know she was into women?

You're doing the right thing by making her choose. Stand your ground that it is HER who left. She is the one who is chosing a person who is wrecking her marriage over her family. Because afterall, you are correct.

I suspect that she does care so try to believe that she loves you and her kids. She's confused. It will take time for her to realize that she's putting a 4 month old relationship over her family and how absolutely ridiculous that really is.

In the mean time, I agree that she lied about being happy. That was her cover-up. Her happiness was being derived outside of the marriage.

However, something was missing that this girl provides. What is it? If she comes back, you need to fix this promptly or you'll be in constant danger.

Take care of yourself and your children. It is OK to cry and vent. You have every reason to. Eat and try to get rest.

Your wife is making a huge mistake. I will pray that she realizes it.

knortoh

I feel for you - your whole world has been rocked - and you are left to pick up the pieces...try and look after yourself and the kids - and worry about your wife last...she is obviously only acting on lust at this stage and is not thinking straight. How are you with patience? I think it is gonna take some time to get to the bottom of what your wife really wants out of life - she is one confused bunny at the moment. Stay strong, clear and be who you are...

Feelingalone

Antoine, listen to Dobo. First make sure those lovely kids are taken care of to the best of your ability. Don't chase your w. It will only push her away. You might want to get a copy of the book "Tough Love" by Dr. Glover. It will get you some insight in how to proceed.

As Dobo said you are right to stand your ground. Don't let her make you feel guilty. My w left, but for another guy and now another guy (imagine two at one time). I stood my ground, but not totally. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt. I tried not to be "controlling". What I should have done is punch the first guy in the face. But that is me, not you. And don't go thinking that your w leaving you for another woman makes you weak or something. When a spouse leaves whether for the same sex or opposite there is no difference. Just seems that way.

Again, listen to Dobo, there is something in your relationship that is off kilter. Try to determine what it is and fix what you can. But remember, you can't make her happy. Happiness comes from within. Sure your spouse can make you happier, but if you aren't happy with yourself, no one but you can make you happy.

Stay strong. Come here and vent. It helps.

__________________
Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.

antoine83

update: happened last night

she came by today to get her stuff like it was just a normal day like nothing happen and it hurt so much and it gets worse. i asked are u seriously leaving me for the woman. she said no im leaving you cuz i dont love you or not in love with you like i use to be. i said when did u realize this she said like in last week june. she says being with me makes her sad and being with the woman makes her happy. i was so hurt when she said that cuz she basically dont want to admit she leaving me for another woman just using another way around it. the thing is that since we been living with my parents cuz im a disabled veteran had to just till money comes in she was still my normal wife even in last week june when we got back from overseas all the way till aug is when she changed is cuz she started her new job where she met this woman at. the worst part is that i told her i hope u know what ur doing cuz what are u gonna do if its not what u really want and u realize it she had the nerve to say she will be screwed but try to basically win me back and keep trying even if i reject her. i never said i would get back with her in the first place. the horrible part is this. i was still mad she never made a attempt to contact our kids since early tuesday morning is when this started didnt ask how they are doing or anything and i asked her why she said she did when she text me i said quit lying i would of known. she was suppose to come by and get her stuff and spend time with the kids. she basically came by got her stuff gave the kids a kiss and left only here for 10 mins. i told her u can stay longer she said her friend could only be here for 15 mins had to go to school. we would of offered her a ride ourselves and like i told her new friends or lover she got could just come get her but she bounced just like that and i have never questioned her being a good mother since i've known her but for to do this broke my heart. i come to find out from my mom that on my son birthday this past weekend he tried to give her a kiss and hug she told him to get off of him cuz she was texting that stupid woman. she had 6600 text compare to my 200 on one cycle thats freaking ridicolous. im glad i have great family support and friends for those of you who dont know is that i got medically retired cuz i have 2-3 rare diseases with no cure and im unable to work with also a complicated surgery. so im raising 2 kids with not so much good health but im doing a good job i must admit. if she really meant what she said bout falling out of love with me then i think it happened when i got sick and she couldnt handle it cuz when i did get sick she wasnt there for me when i needed her and i called her out on it and she knew it and apologize if that was real. she couldnt handle being the man of the house cuz i was and needed somebody to take care of her and the more i think about it i was still sick in a warrior transition unit still the man of house doing things i shouldnt have too. she was a stay at home mom didnt cook or really clean or do the clothes i did even when i knew i needed to lay down and even here in my parents house i did. sorry guys i have to go for now im so hurt and i know i need to cry to where i cant cry no more cuz i want to move on but it will take time i know this but i aint gonna front i loved her with my heart and soul and did everything i could to be the best husband i could be and i get left excuse me. me and my 2 kids got left out in the cold for another woman known only 4 months long.

antoine83

my wife is 24. she would only compliment them nothing unusual like a normal female wouldnt do.

my thing is i want her back and want to be her with so bad thats first if she does come back i do believe she will but my family doesnt want me to take her back which is understandable and at the sametime im scared she would do it again i just have to wait and see if she does come back and look into her eyes and see if she is sincere on coming back to me not cuz things didnt work out with the other female. im filing for divorce right now to be on the safe side i can stop it anytime and trying to get custody of the kids also to be on the safe side. i dont even know where she is staying at but the weird thing is this the person she left me for lives with her parents has a car if im correct no job since she just got fired but my wife isnt staying with her nor has that woman even given her rides to work or back here to see the kids which leaves me to believe its more than one person, somebody else or its not working out the way she thought it was. i dont believe its somebody else or more than person its what i told her its only 4 months she known her and she seeing it aint all that great and would hate to come back and face the music but i could be wrong though