emotionally unstable - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 11-17-2009, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
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emotionally unstable

My husband and I have been married for about five years and together for eight. A couple of years ago our relationship started undergoing a period of really hard times. He was having problems going to work because the commute was so long and started taking medication for his back problems. We always drank, especially on the weekends, but I noticed he started drinking more and more and to top it off he was taking his pain medication with the alcohol. The situation eventually started getting out of hand, when I would confront him, he would tell me that he was trying to get off so much medication so he would be going through withdrawals. This was his answer every time I saw him drinking too much or sleeping too much because of his medication.

He started seeing a doctor who would give him the drugs he asked for but the drinking didn't diminish. He would tell me he was going through really hard times at work and that he was having trouble sleeping.
Eventually he got arrested for a wet and reckless... soon after that he was going to emergency rooms because he had anxiety attacks and seizures.

I wanted to get him help so badly and knew he was in denial regarding his alcohol use and drug abuse. I kept getting the run around from my insurance company. They told me he had to go to the hospital for them to evaluate him and they would have to recommend what was best for him so when he "felt" a seizure coming on I took him to the emergency room who proceeded to tell me his alcohol level was .3 I waited for him to sober up before telling him that if he didn't go to rehab I would be leaving him. Up to that point we had had huge fights to the point that I would rather spend time at work than go home and see him lying on the couch in the same position he was when he left.
He got arrested a second time and this time for a DUI which landed him in jail for three nights and cost him his job. This and the fact that I would leave him convinced him to get into rehab.

He lasted three days in rehab, at which point I found a psychiatrist for him so he could get things off his chest. Dealing with the loss of his job was extremely difficult for he, he had been working since we was 17 and now at 46 years old he found himself without a job and confused.

He stopped drinking (as much) after he got out of rehab and somehow convinced himself that since he was drinking wine and was on some medication called Campral, that his desire for hard liquor or a lot of liquor was virtually non-existent. He did really well for a couple of months after seeing the psychiatrist, but he kept drinking wine and it got to be more and more each week.

He first was doing stuff around the house, but as time went by he started spending more time on the couch again. We would fight, then he would get better for a couple of months, then revert again. During this time he attempted the job search but no job offers were coming in.

Then my mother died. My sisters and I had to deal with the preparations as well as our grief. We had to make a 6 hour trip to where she was going to get buried. He was extremely supportive for the first couple of days but when we found out that the funeral was going to be on a later date than expected he started reaming on me on how badly my sisters and I were letting the funeral parlor dictate when we were burying her because all they wanted was to make money and we were too emotional to use any type of leverage.

I told him to go back home that I didn't need him there if he was going to act this way because my mother's funeral was going to be an encumbrance on his week. He did a couple of other things over the course of this week that were about equally as bad and he refused to leave. These were the most horrible stressful days of my life and he only managed to make the situation worse. That was about a year ago and even though I have told him repeatedly how much what he did hurt me, I don't think he ever understood.

After this happened he and I were fighting on a regular basis, almost every weekend as a matter of fact. His mom and dad decided to get a divorce and he was primarily preside over all of his dad's paperwork and representing him in court.

He decided he was going to get certified to make him more marketable and booked a couple of trips to Vegas to get his certs right there and then only to go spend hours upon hours at the blackjack tables and come back with only three out of seven certifications. This was about seven months ago and he's still not done with all of them.

We had a huge fight one weekend that led me to leave the house. I stayed at a friend's house crying and absolutely distraught because my marriage was coming to an end because I didn't know if I could take living like that any more. I asked him to come to therapy if I came back home. I was gone for a couple of weeks and I returned after our first sessions.

A few weeks after that, I found out that while I was gone he had had sex with another woman and was texting with two others telling them that he wasn't going back with me. Yes I violated his privacy, but at that point I didn't care. I left again and I have been gone for three months now. He wants me to come back and I have gone through so much with him that I don't want to make the mistake of going back just to be hurt again.

And to top it off, after I left the second time I found out he had joined a dating service and actively looking for women. I don't know if I can let go of all this pain. I am angry, hurt, disappointed. Yet I still love him and I wish I could just rip out my emotions and forget.

He now begs me to come back to him. I told him that until I saw that he is serious about wanting me back he needs to prove himself, words are not gonna cut it anymore. When I told him this he wrote me an email that was extremely painful because it sounded like he was ready to commit suicide. He didn't of course, it was an attempt to get me to come back... but I am still reeling on that one.

I know I have my own issues but do I seriously want to come back to this man????? And why do I still love him after everything he's put me through??? I just don't know... I don't know.

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