I am sorry to hear about your father. I know how scary and tiring that can be! For now, please be kind to yourself. Your H needs to be left alone so he can no longer blame others for his anger. He need the space to sort out his head and there is no time limit for these things, unfortunately. Try your best to leave him be, lost. And just take care of you and yours.
hi everyone! thanks to all with your thoughts and comments on Dad! he is out of icu today but not out of the woods yet...dr is contemplating surgery due to the size of both the ulcer and the blood clot...
surprise surprise...h did a great job...when i was in real need...
alsp passed his test and is now a Captain (boat), he plans to go for Master Captain in jan...
my h actually sat and ate dinner with the girls and i last night (i didnt invite him...he was here with the kids), watched a few Christmas specials with the girls...i went into bed.
i woke up to him on the couch... funny i actually slept all night! i got the kids off, got myself ready and went to work...never said anything.
met him at the school this afternoon for a previously scheduled meeting about 8 y/o d.
they wanted to ride in the truck so he rode them back to the house. hung out a while and said he had to get going...
again i didnt say much, i did make a point to thank him for all of his help...talk to ya later...he kissed me on the cheek...WHAT?? said he thought last night was really nice???
dont know what that was all about , gonna carry on with as much nc as possible and do for me and the girls...
today was a MUCH better day!
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loving mother and devoted wife, I will endure this pain with the faith, hope and love i have for my family!
Lost you have to continue to let him draw closer and do all the movements. I know you want to push it forward but this could be him missing "us" now. Hang in there and continue this line. You'll soon know his true intentions. Whether he is just lonely or really does miss you..
I know and i agree...my biggest problem and fear is that one day he is loving and kind...acting more like himself and then hes angry at the world and reminding me he is filing for divorce...
do i just ignore his words and continue with the movements and motions of what comes so natural???
do i deny him the marital bed if it were to lead to that?
im at a loss here.
i was just pm'ing cw...he is withdrawn from everyone and everything...
hasnt even talked about his new friends let alone his old ones...
no family and now no one at work ( he injured his back)...so sad
i am soooo tired of the being in limbo, being blamed for everything..
lh...he actually told me he is so proud of the changes i have made...but he CAN NOT take a chance...
still says US and WE with almost everything...
time is on my side i guess...
in man language what does this mean?
im not on a pity hunt...i am truly exhausted. i have done nothing but run for 8 straight days...literally
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loving mother and devoted wife, I will endure this pain with the faith, hope and love i have for my family!
NC is exactly what it means except with mutual business and kids.
The marital bed without an apology and reconciliation will leave YOU hopeful and hurt. I wouldn't do it. I would kindly tell him why.
You will get tons of mixed messages. The words and actions don't always blend. Recently, my H made dinner; said "i love you"; said he liked my shirt, boots, glasses, hair, smell, and the list goes on; he said that i was smart and kind and beautiful. OK. Get it! Any normal human being would say "hey, he must be changing his mind about US!" Well.....1 year later..not a thing has changed.
Your H will be crystal clear when he wants back in=let him be the one that makes the move.
Stay strong Lost.. These are the times where patience needs to be practiced. The same thing CW said. Don't do it.. Let him lead. Yet follow what he wants to do if you so choose. Not the bed though. He needs to do other things that shows he wants you.. Guys are a lot less timid then women. Usually if we want something we will go after it.. Your doing great and the NC thing is working..
ok, i went out last night...felt really strange, was only out for a few hours had 1 drink...but I DID IT!!!
question...
its snowing here and i tried diligently to entertain the girls in it...
as usual they want their dad.
5 y/o talks to him and asks when are you coming home we want to play in the snow more...he is WAY more into it than i am...
he tried to take it out on me. stopped him by saying i understand you are busy, they are excited, ill try again later.
he is pissed and trying to tell me he feels like a you know what , he feels guilty, hes gonna tell them hes not gonna be coming home.
here we go again...
8y/o psych says its best to let them think he is at work as the are accustomed to this. i have been doing ONE HELL of a job here basically on my own for 4 months...
however it is a bit hard to do it ALL!
any input will be greatly appreciated!
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loving mother and devoted wife, I will endure this pain with the faith, hope and love i have for my family!
I think the truth, told age appropriate, is the best and only route to go.
Children, as you know, are VERY smart. They know something is up and it's not good.
I told my kids, little bits, along the way.
1) "Dad and I are having problems with our marriage. We are trying to work things out with a counselor."
2) "We are stilling having a tough time."
These were the words that I used with our kids...so they weren't too shocked when Divorce came into the picture. Otherwise, given our non-fighting atmosphere they may have not known anything was wrong.
Tell the kids that you and dad are having a hard time in your marriage. Tell them that it's not their fault, but sometimes adults need a break...like daddy.
You have every right to go out and have fun lost! His reaction just shows that he wasn't prepared or willing to believe that you could do this...in other words you caught him off guard!! And that's good. Your right, he needs to know what a divorce is going to feel like b/c a few years down the road and you two are not together, does he really think you are still going to be waiting at home for his permission? Good job lost, your doing well!!
Re: threatening divorce? what next?
but not out of the woods yet...dr is contemplating surgery due to the size of both the ulcer and the blood clot...
