lonelyNdepressed

so i posted a while ago that my husband and me were going through a divorce...i had messed up with the bills time and time again and didn't tell him about it...meaning i got behind in the bills pretty bad and couldn't pay for them because we are both over spenders..and each time my husband found out he threatened me with divorce...this has happend about 6 times in the the last 7 years...a couple of times from the pressure of keeping this from my husband i abused xanax(for anxity) and vicodins for a heirniated disk...well about a month ago my husband found out that i was taking money out of his 401k to pay back all the past due bills and that was taking percribed vicodins...well again he threathend divorce and this time we went to see a lawyer and had an agreement made up...right before we were going to tell the kids that we were separating and he deciced to give it another chance..but wanted me to pay back all the money he feels i took from him by january 1st...i agreed to the deal...

but the last month we had good days and bad days...but i had a feeling that he wasn't even trying..he even told me that he needed to take time for himself and he was always going out and hanging out late...we were intimate with each other and told me lets get through the hoildays and start fresh new years day...which bothered me because that's when he wanted the money from me....i started to think that i was buying my marriage and that once he got that money that what he would fall back in love with me...i needed to see some kind of effort from him and he wasn't giving me anything..like i said there were days he was nice but most of the time he didn't want to be bothered with me....i felt this coming...

yesterday we got into a big fight that started over pizza but had hidden meaning to it and i kept asking him what he wanted from me and he told me he didn't want to tell me in front of the kids..i said what can you possible want that the kids can't here...so i pushed and pushed him to tell me and then he told the kids lets go for a walk because mommy is going crazy right now and then i got even more mad because don't say that stuff in front of the kids....well things got out of control and he was ready to call the cops because i grabbed his arm and he said i assaulted him and he pushed me down....he then told me that he would see me in court...my husband slept at his parents house last night and called me today and told me we have a meeting with the mediator on thursday...


i don't really know what happened this past week but something was wrong...it was like the calm before the storm...he seemed very cold and then just exploded on me yesterday and asked for a divorce...i swear that is going to be written on his tombstone...it's his famous last words...it's just he told me we would give it a year to try and work things out and then bang after one month he says i threw the chance in the garbage....what the hell did i do so wrong? i have done everything he has asked...how can someone just turn like that:?