Suddenly indifferent to me
I'll try to keep this short. I've been married for 15 years. We have three kids, aged 14, 10 and 6. One month ago, seemingly out of nowhere my wife told me she wants to leave me. She says we've grown apart and that she is dissatisfied with me. She says that I've been passive, that i have not taken an active part in family life or couple life. She also says that she has no more energy or desire to work things out. She does not want to go to a couples' therapist. I think the best way of saying this is that she is indifferent to me.
That was one month ago. She is still here. We still sleep in the same bed. No lovemaking, not even any touching. I'm lost but I feel that as a result of this crisis I've had a personal breaktrhough. My relationship with allmy children is much better. I'm also I think nicer to my wife,more attentive and caring. The problem is she does not seem to care, one way or another. I don't think she notices. When we do talk about "us", she repeats that this is not what she wants (i.e. our marriage, more specifically, me). I'm trying to focus, trying to be loving and attentive to her, trying to rebuild a couple's life.
The other side of this is that I don't think I was that bad, I was far from great, but work and money issues got on top of me. I'm angry and upset that she did not tell me she was so unhappy "for years" (it turns out she told a ton of other people!), and now when she has finally told me its not to do anything except to let go.
My first focus now is to try to get her to remember me. REmember who we were. My second is to make sure she does not kick me out of my home with my kids, who mean the world to me.
I realise this is just venting. I should be clear that I still love my wife. I'm shocked and confused. I wonder why she does not take the step and leave me. Maybe she wants me to move out? Or she may be saving money to move out? I've been by far the main breadwinner, which has never bothered me. We've had money now for the past year when I got a new job. We cleared our debts and immediately set up a joint checking account which she could always access. She worked part-time. I did not care about the money, but she forgets I think that if I worked hard and got lost in things it was not for me, but for her. We lived about 13 of our years married with great financial struggle. I thought I had a way out of that now, and to be able to take care of my wife and kids properly, but it seems something got lost along the way. How do I get things back again??