Lay it on me, folks
My wife and I have been together since 1992, married in 1997. We have a beautiful 11 yr old daughter. My family is truly the one thing in my life I am most proud of. My love has grown for her everyday since our first date and I thought she felt the same about me. Last December, she started to ask me if she could go out with some friends from work on a number of occasions. I had no problem with it because my trust for her was ironclad. She would get home from these nights out after 1 am and when I asked her how her night was, she would be vauge in her answers and one time, hopped right into the shower! Uh-Oh, I thought. This can't be happening. When I asked her if something was going on, tears flowed from her eyes and she said she wanted a divorce. Devastated would be an understatement in my case. I asked if there was someone else, she said no. She just fell out of love. Well, after a couple of weeks (she was still going out) I started doing some investigating and that led me to her phone. It was there I found my answer. Texts from a friend of hers from work stating how "addicted" he was to her. My world just burned down all around me. This CAN'T BE HAPPENING!! I guess lies and deceit go hand-in-hand with cheating. My family was crumbling. She then proceeded to tell me she hasn't felt anything for me in 3 or 4 YEARS and that she had relations other than the current one. Total embarrassment and disbelief on my part because I DIDN'T NOTICE that something was terribly wrong. How could I be so blind!??! This was my best friend! We had a great sex life, but she said she was fulfilling her "wifely duties." Am I going crazy?? I thought we were sharing something and this is what she says to me? After a couple of months, she asks if it's too late to work it out. I took her back without hesitation. I love her and I don't want my daughter to see divorce, not in our house. I try everything to make things right, but for the next 4 months, something is very wrong, and I can feel it. She still sneaks off to talk to him on the phone (I know this because I check her phone from time-totime.) We argue about it, but I still want this to work, but now just for my daughter. We resume having sex, and it's good, but the "wifely duties" feeling is prevalent here. After 4 months of trying, she ends it again. She is now in love with him, and he is leaving his wife for mine. She told me the reason she got back together with me was because he was trying to work it out with his wife. My wife told me she convinced him to leave her wife so they can be together. My wife is terrified, I guess, at being alone. She waited until she had someone else lined up to get the courage to tell me she wasn't happy. I'm just dying a terrible death at this point. I loved her so much. I loved being married to her. Now, we're divorcing and they are making their plans (she goes out 3-4 times a week and talks to him on the phone like they are in high school. Yes, we are in the house together and my daughter has no idea about the other man.) I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I know I'm clinging to something that once was there, but not anymore. I wish I could be like some men who can wash their hands of it and move on, but I can't deny the feelings I have for my wife. I thought I was a good husband, NEVER cheated on her, and thought I was her best friend. Boy, am I clueless. I've been so depressed, lost interest in a lot of things, but I'm trying to be strong for my daughter, who was also devastated about this, but she's dealing with it. I understand how people can fall out of love, but how could she do this to me this way?? I don't deserve this. My wife agrees, but she can't help the way she feels. She goes out with him right under my nose! What do you all think about this?? Can I ever trust again?? I feel pathetic and like a total loser.