Everyone wants to be in a healthy and happy relationship. There is nothing like the feeling of having someone’s back and knowing they have yours. The feeling you get when your significant other walks into a room, calls you on the phone, smiles at you - all are instances of wonderful.
Sadly, not everyone enjoys these experiences. Either these people are in relationships that are lacking some vital element or they aren’t in a relationship at all. If you’ve been in a series of relationships and they’ve all ended in less than positive ways, it’s time to look for the common denominator. And don’t be shocked if that commonality is staring back at you in the mirror.
Yes, the problem just might be you. Now, this doesn’t mean you are a horrible person and should resolve to live alone on a desert island for the rest of your life. It means you need to examine your past decisions to see which ones prevented you from making better relationship choices. If you can pinpoint the issues and correct them, your next first date could be your last first date. Do You Date Available People? Are you attracted to men or women who are emotionally unavailable?
Are you looking for a commitment from a person who has no desire or plans to commit to a serious relationship? If so, quit it. These people, no matter how good a game they might play, will never be the person you need them to be. As soon as you realize this person isn’t in it to win it, cut your losses. No, You Can’t Change or Save Them.
If you want a project, stain a cabinet. Crochet an afghan. Take up Irish Step dancing. People are not projects. You cannot take a person and turn them into the person you want them to be. Change comes from within. People only change if they want to change. Sure, some people might change because of another person, but it’s more because they chose to change, not because of anything in particular that you did. To-do lists are for the house, not the human beings in it. Don’t make or take on people projects. Ask Your Friends … Or Your Mom
If you have good, real friends, if you ask them why they think you cannot land a serious relationship, they will tell you. Take their words to heart, especially if they are in healthy and happy relationships themselves.
This might be the perfect time for some “mom” criticism. We all know that moms generally don’t have issues with telling you what you need to change to land your dream guy or girl. So take a deep breath, dial her number and take what she throws at you. Then apply it – at least some of it. Where Are You Meeting These People?
There’s a saying, “if you find ‘em in a bar, leave ‘em in a bar.” While this doesn’t mean that a successful relationship can’t start in a bar
– the earlier in the evening you leave the establishment, the better. If you meet a guy during last call and you’re working on your third, fourth or ninth gin and tonic, don’t be shocked if that relationship has a relatively early termination. Relationships that are built on common interests (other than going to bars and drinking) often have the most staying power. So, take a class or spend more time in places you enjoy. You just might run into the right person.
Know Who You Are
This is literally a case of leaving the best for last. If you don’t know who you are, you’ll never bring your best self to a relationship. If you don’t know who you are, you’ll never know what you need, what you want, what you have to offer another person, what you are willing to put up with and what is a deal breaker.
You have to know yourself before you can attempt to know another person and blend your personalities into a relationship. As unfair as it seems, our society tends to judge us by our relationship status.
Married equals stable and unmarried means there are flaws. This is not only unfair, it’s untrue. Buck the societal trend and spend some time getting to know yourself. Once you do that, many of the bad habits you accumulated over years of dating will disappear and you just might land your last relationship - one that results in happily ever after.