Do Relationships Fall Apart Easier These Days? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Home Page Feature News New that feeds the forum Homepage (Only mods can post)

User Tag List

 50Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 02-18-2016, 07:31 PM
Member
 
2ntnuf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 13,989
Re: Do Relationships Fall Apart Easier These Days?

Quote:
Whether it is "begging" or not, the traditional definition of forgiveness is absurd.
Not sure what the "traditional" definition is? I see each one of us as an individual with individual needs and therefore with a slightly different definition of forgiveness. What I need is not what someone else needs.


Quote:
We forgive ourselves, not others.
This is true, but we can only forgive ourselves and let it go when we know the one we love is not harmed by what we have done or said. Otherwise, it's acceptance of what we have done and moving on with a wound that never can heal.


Quote:
So why should I hold that power over someone by accepting their apology? Why should I play into and promote that logic?
If what your wife needs to feel better is not important enough for you to hear her out and not dismiss her feelings, I don't understand how she can feel anything, but disrespected and belittled.


Quote:
I help free her from her mental prison if she feels that way.
Only if she has not hurt your feelings. I don't know anyone who is perfect and has never had their feelings hurt. Sure, sometimes we do it and don't mean it. In that case, maybe she doesn't need to apologize, technically. If you don't listen to her, you invalidate her feelings. In turn, you take a chance of hurting her feelings.


Quote:
It isn't controlling in any manner to do so. I don't say "I reject your apology". I say that she has no need to apologize. I just want to enjoy every moment. She knows this concept as well, except when she becomes emotional.
I disagree that it isn't controlling. You aren't allowing her to be who she is and accept that she has feelings. Whether those feelings are justified or not, she has them all the same.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
2ntnuf is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 02-23-2016, 01:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,064
Re: Do Relationships Fall Apart Easier These Days?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Relationship Teacher View Post

Yes, relationships fall apart easier these days. Many relationships that can become totally blissful are discarded as if they were trash. Much of the fault is on society for engendering this mentality. We can unlearn it and replace it with respect, acceptance and forgiveness.
How do YOU or anyone else know that a relationship could become "totally blissful"?
This goes back to the whole topic of permanence. The evolution of technology has made the world a much smaller place than it was just years ago. We are living thru an era of unprecedented change.
Of course relationships are going to fall apart easier these days, just as most of our youthful relationships changed as we left the block we lived on to attend school. And then moved on from elementary school to junior high school and again to high school and from there to college and from college to our professional careers. The difference is that the relatively stable societies that we formerly existed in are changing just as rapidly as we are. Nothing is permanent in the world and never was, it is just our perceptions are finally catching up with reality.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 02-23-2016, 02:10 PM
Member
 
Relationship Teacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 686
Re: Do Relationships Fall Apart Easier These Days?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post

If what your wife needs to feel better is not important enough for you to hear her out and not dismiss her feelings, I don't understand how she can feel anything, but disrespected and belittled.
It is you that is implying dismissal, disrespect and belittlement. Your lack of imagination is your failure here. I don't dismiss her feelings. I embrace them. We talk about her feelings, and why she feels that way, instead of false forgiveness.

I already mentioned to you that she agrees with me. She told me this before we were even dating. Do you want to change reality? What do you get out of it?

Quote:
Only if she has not hurt your feelings. I don't know anyone who is perfect and has never had their feelings hurt. Sure, sometimes we do it and don't mean it. In that case, maybe she doesn't need to apologize, technically. If you don't listen to her, you invalidate her feelings. In turn, you take a chance of hurting her feelings.
False assumption, again. What gives you the basis to assume that there is no conversation unless I say "I forgive you"?



Quote:
I disagree that it isn't controlling. You aren't allowing her to be who she is and accept that she has feelings. Whether those feelings are justified or not, she has them all the same.
Completely wrong.

The emotional mind is not rational. This isn't a derogatory statement. It is factual and based on basic psychological principles. When someone is emotional, you destroy relationships by taking the emotional mind seriously instead of the truth or person's directed thoughts.

Saying that I don't control forgiveness over her isn't controlling her. It allows her to push that button herself. She knows this. She believes this, herself. Any negative moment is immediately de-escalated with this approach.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Relationship Teacher is offline  
 
post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 06:12 AM
Member
 
WhyMe66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 290
Re: Do Relationships Fall Apart Easier These Days?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VS Glen View Post


While I realize that the challenges couples face today are much different than they were 20 years ago, sometimes it feels like modern day relationships fall apart much easier.

What do you feel is the reason for that? Social media? Life styles that have become far too busy?

Do we simply give up too easily?
I think the ease of divorce, "no fault" or "uncontested," the collapse of morals, has made relationships far more disposable. People don't need to work on them anymore, they change partners like they change underwear. More often, sometimes.

"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart." -Marcus Aurelius
"We canít direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." -Thomas S. Monson
Every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment of pain.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
WhyMe66 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
married do not want to fall for a single coworker lostgirl07 General Relationship Discussion 98 01-09-2017 08:47 PM
ACOA's and other dysfunctional trauma and its effects on life and relationships. Blossom Leigh General Relationship Discussion 22 02-18-2016 03:58 PM
How do I fall in love again? hazel55 General Relationship Discussion 33 02-10-2016 10:22 AM
How do you fall out of love after your divorce? jake913 General Relationship Discussion 11 12-10-2015 05:56 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome