Arguments with a spouse can quickly become heated and people often say things that they regret. A little bit of heated debate is completely normal in a relationship but there are certain things that cannot be unsaid. In this article you will learn about the three things you should never say during an argument. Occasional Arguments Can Be Healthy
Do you measure the strength of your relationship based on the frequency of arguments with your spouse or partner? Many people assume that arguments are always bad and that they are a sign of trouble in the relationship. While frequent arguments can certainly be an indicator of a problem, a little bit of conflict in a relationship is not only normal but healthy as well. An argument is a sign of two people who have their own unique opinions and views – it is also a sign that those two people are willing to share those thoughts and opinions.
Arguing is a form of communication and it can actually be very beneficial for your relationship from time to time. Of course, if most of your arguments with your spouse are over petty things or if they are started with intention to wound or harm, that is not a good thing. What is worse, however, is avoiding conflict and confrontation to the point that a wedge is driven between you and your partner. It is always better to lay things out on the table and to talk about them together, even if the conversation gets a little bit heated. As long as you both express your opinions and concerns in a healthy, productive way and you each respond to your partner’s concerns with respect you can come out of the argument as a stronger couple. Things You Shouldn’t Say While Arguing
While it is true that a little bit of conflict can be good for a relationship, that should not be an excuse to start fights whenever you feel like it. A productive argument is one in which individual thoughts and feelings are expressed, acknowledged, and accepted – if you are fighting for the sake of fighting, nobody wins. To make sure that your arguments are productive and not vindictive, avoid saying these three things to your spouse or partner: 1. “You’re crazy.”
– One of the quickest ways to derail a healthy discussion is to make your partner feel disrespected. Phrases like “You’re crazy” or “You’re overreacting” minimize your partner’s thoughts and experiences and they could shut down the conversation entirely. Make an effort to acknowledge your partner’s concerns and react to them calmly, without exaggeration, to keep the conversation moving in a positive direction. 2. “You’re such a…”
– There is no excuse for name-calling during an argument, even if you don’t mean what you say. Harsh words can cut deeper than physical wounds and the things you say during a heated argument can stick with your partner long after the argument has ended. If your argument reaches the point of name-calling it may be best to call it off for the time being so the two of you can calm down and revisit the conversation after you’ve had some time to think. 3. “I hate you.”
– Many couples make the mistake of fighting for themselves rather than the relationship during an argument which leads them to say things they don’t mean just for the sake of “winning” the argument. Saying something like “I hate you” is easy during a heated conversation but it is very difficult to recover from. If you find yourself tempted to throw this phrase out there during an argument you might want to take a step back and evaluate your feelings as well as the relationship.
The next time things come to a head with your partner or spouse, take a moment to think before you speak. Ask yourself what your partner is trying to communicate to you and carefully consider his or her thoughts and feelings before you respond. By avoiding the three phrases listed above and by treating your partner with respect the two of you can have healthy, productive arguments that actually strengthen your relationship.
~ Glen Community Support