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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-19-2016, 04:14 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Can FB or other social media sites add stress to a marriage, possibly, really depends on the couple and their commitment to their marriage and each other. FB has added zero stress to my marriage (at least n terms of infidelity concerns, stress has come from my wife spending too much time on her phone at times lol).

In terms of passwords, if the spouse asks for it I think the first step should be discussing why the person needs it. I am not against password exchanges at all, moreso I would want to understand the reasoning first as it could bring to the surface some underlying concerns/issues.

I do believe everything should be as visible as possible to the other (i.e. your Spouse should be your friend assuming they are on FB as well with the ability to view everything you post where possible).

All of this can be applied to Instagram, Snapchat, FarmersOnly, etc...
Good points. I have my W all my username and passwords and she never gave me hers.

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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-19-2016, 04:34 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Can Facebook add stress to marriages? Should you know your partner's password?

~ Glen Community Support
Oh absolutely! If spouse A is venting and getting crappy advice on Facebook instead of communicating with spouse B, trouble invariably follows. No communication, no help, no attempts to correct the perceived wrongs. What a wonderful brave new world technology has brought us...
Of course the spouses should know each others' passwords! The only privacy in a marriage is when one shuts the bathroom door.

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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-20-2016, 06:48 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Wife and I are both on Facebook. We are not on each other's "Friends List" nor do we know each other's passwords.

We have a great marriage.

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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-22-2016, 06:31 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

We are on FB but don't have or need each others pswds. I have no desire to monitor him and I would hate to be monitored.

In my world trust is vital, if I didn't trust him there would be no "us". I really have no energy for paranoia, spying and the like. Then again I have never been cheated on that I know of or been a cheater. If cheating were present in a relationship then that would be the end, full stop.

As for my kids, we have continual discussions on what is and isn't appropriate, how to treat others and how to be treated. I don't monitor their FB etc and respect their need for privacy. If people have good core morals then monitoring them in not needed.
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-24-2016, 11:14 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

My whole family is on FB and our relationships are defined for all to see. No one has the others passwords. That said my husband has set up a secret FB account using his secret email account that he is using to cheat with. I have not seen this secret account so I don't know what he is doing on there. I do have a problem with this but I think that it goes to the heart of the cheater. If they are going to cheat they will cheat. FB only gives another avenue to make it easier. Technology is great but if people want to use it for their evil intentions they will find a way.
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-26-2016, 07:45 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Even though Facebook can facilitate some cheating, it is not the reason for the cheating. At best, it is an excuse. The problem isn't Social Media. The problem is a relationship that lacks boundaries and respect.
Which came first, though, the chicken or the egg?

My opinion is that people are reactive or proactive when it comes to infidelity. There are those that seek it out, and those that do not, yet may be presented with an opportunity and over time, they can justify it in some way.

The same thing can happen in real life, of course, but there's something about being online that gives people a false sense of security and a sort of confidence they don't have IRL.

Let's say some guy sends a d*** pic to you. In real life, to accomplish the same thing, he'd have to literally take his penis out with you standing there. That's unlikely to happen. It's also a crime in most places. But online, it's such a common thing that can, and is, often shrugged off, or even explained away. It happened to my wife a little while back on FB. Guy said it was an "accident", was meant to go to his girlfriend. He got blocked, and that was that. Had he done that in real life, there would have been actual consequences.

It's not even that online activity facilitates this kind of behaviour, it's that it opens one up to all kinds of NEW behaviours. (such as above). It's changed the way people communicate with one another. Imagine if TAM was "real life". 1000's of people standing around talking about marriage and relationships and sex. It wouldn't work, and it wouldn't happen. We're comfortable talking to people from behind a keyboard. I wouldn't have said 95% of the things I've said on here to people I don't know (or probably even to people I DO know).

But more than that, it allows people to say and do things they just wouldn't do in the outside world, it really does. I truly believe that many people DO end up doing things they wouldn't do in real life, or wouldn't have even considered doing.

Yes, it makes it MUCH easier for those who would engage in infidelity regardless, but I do think it opens up a whole new world to many people who wouldn't. Mainly because it's an escape from reality and allows people, even encourages people, to become somebody else.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-29-2016, 10:54 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

I can tell you that my exF and ex GF here in Asia are attractive.

It would be at least weekly she would get a guy who would send them "you're so beautiful" things to their Facebook messenger. Some of these were "friends of friends".

And the both had their accounts showing as in a relationship and even with lots of our photos together. That did not deter the attempts one bit. LinkedIn is just as bad. Both got non-stop guys trying to hit on them.

Personally I think FB accounts should be heavily locked down privacy wise as just used for family. The mass "friends with everyone" is where it becomes Fakebook. Facebook is often more trouble than it's worth. I can see no reason a spouse would be private messaging in private with an OSF. If it can't be said in the open, you've got problems....
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 02:25 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Here is another aspect on sharing online passwords:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...3e7_story.html
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 02:34 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Here is another aspect on sharing online passwords:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...3e7_story.html
Very interesting. It echos what I said earlier in this thread, it is about trust, no trust then no "us".
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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 02:59 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

There has to be trust. But not blind trust. There is a difference.

A HUGE difference.

You see, the problem with desire for privacy is ok, until there is real reason for suspicion. Then it's like, "what, you don't trust me".

I personally view transparency as paramount to trust. If you can't be transparent with me, there is no trust.

If any woman is ever so locked down with privacy, phone to the hip, she'll be gone in second.


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Very interesting. It echos what I said earlier in this thread, it is about trust, no trust then no "us".


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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 10:48 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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I personally view transparency as paramount to trust. If you can't be transparent with me, there is no trust.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 10:50 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

I think "trust" is an overrated concept.

Like jdawg, I look for transparency. If you have nothing to hide, then why do you act like it?

This is exactly what people are asking of Hillary Clinton.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 03:33 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Originally Posted by jdawg2015 View Post

Personally I think FB accounts should be heavily locked down privacy wise as just used for family. The mass "friends with everyone" is where it becomes Fakebook. Facebook is often more trouble than it's worth. I can see no reason a spouse would be private messaging in private with an OSF. If it can't be said in the open, you've got problems....
This would seem to completely defeat the purpose of facebook, otherwise it would have been called "Familybook"
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 06:00 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Originally Posted by jdawg2015 View Post
There has to be trust. But not blind trust. There is a difference.

A HUGE difference.

You see, the problem with desire for privacy is ok, until there is real reason for suspicion. Then it's like, "what, you don't trust me".

I personally view transparency as paramount to trust. If you can't be transparent with me, there is no trust.

If any woman is ever so locked down with privacy, phone to the hip, she'll be gone in second.
Blind trust is for fools and I did not say anything about it. The first sign of a red flag and I would be pro active but TBH in a healthy relationship this sort of thing just isn't an issue.

Conversely, paranoia is a waste of energy. Wanting to control another person is a waste of energy. If that was the sort of relationship I was in then it would be doomed anyway, with or without cheating.

We have 3 x surprise parties to go to in the next 6 weeks, can't wait for them and to have fun. I doubt trust is an issue in these marriages or there is no way they could organised a surprise party.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-30-2016, 06:55 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Wow. Some couples are now requiring "transparency" as a means to justify intrusive behavior. So glad I'm not part of that! Lol

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