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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
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Facebook and Marriage



Can Facebook add stress to marriages? Should you know your partner's password?

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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 03:11 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Yes you should know your partners password and THEY SHOULD BE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST.

Anyone who has read any infidelity literature knows that there are a lot of divorces because of infidelity generated by communication on Facebook, AND other social media.

Why does your spouse not have the right to know if an old flame reaches out to you after many years. or if a 'platonic' friend starts to send you suggestive messages.

When people talk about the rampant increase in infidelity, yet still want to be able to have a "secret' online life, it boggles my mind.
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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 03:31 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Can FB or other social media sites add stress to a marriage, possibly, really depends on the couple and their commitment to their marriage and each other. FB has added zero stress to my marriage (at least n terms of infidelity concerns, stress has come from my wife spending too much time on her phone at times lol).

In terms of passwords, if the spouse asks for it I think the first step should be discussing why the person needs it. I am not against password exchanges at all, moreso I would want to understand the reasoning first as it could bring to the surface some underlying concerns/issues.

I do believe everything should be as visible as possible to the other (i.e. your Spouse should be your friend assuming they are on FB as well with the ability to view everything you post where possible).

All of this can be applied to Instagram, Snapchat, FarmersOnly, etc...
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 04:09 PM
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Cool Re: Facebook and Marriage

All that I can attest to is that FB was definitely a major contributing factor to the demise of the relationship between me and my RSXW!

Let's just say that it's a prolific playground for hooking up with horny ex-flames!

Enough said!

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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 05:19 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Facebook adds stress to more than just marriages. Parents stress over what their kids post, or whether pedophiles can access their pictures. Employers can search up old photos and not hire or fire you for it. Facebook puts your entire life on display. How anyone can think that they have anything 'secret' online baffles me anyway - spouses can find secret accounts/chats/passwords easily enough.

If there's one word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married, it would be "Do not ever marry anyone who won't let you into their life in every aspect" This includes (but is not limited to) all things Internet.
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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 10:59 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Even though Facebook can facilitate some cheating, it is not the reason for the cheating. At best, it is an excuse. The problem isn't Social Media. The problem is a relationship that lacks boundaries and respect. What gets unsaid is the fact that monitoring of one's spouse is a very strong reason for relationship failure.

A great relationship is one in which partners are able to choose to be faithful or not, but choose faithful. If cheating has entered the relationship, it isn't because Marc Zuckerberg was born.

I've been on the receiving end from years back and I am less likely to monitor social media activities of my (now) partner.

Food for thought.
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 04:12 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

I've always enjoyed some Facebooking .. so has husband... we are very open about what we read.. we laugh.. and keep each other up to date on interesting posts, often we are sitting in the same room with our laptops even ....

I've went on his page.. he can go on mine.. it's like nothing....It's a natural transparency we share... I can't imagine it any other way..

I've come to realize how rare this sort of thing is in many marriages by reading here...

Can't deny that Facebook has been the downfall of so many, it's seems an epidemic... I feel strongly that when we start to harbor secrets.. it's the beginning of every downfall.. this is a great thread to explain how that works...

Sex, Lies and Secrets: Is Secrecy Destroying Your Marriage?

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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 08:12 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
Facebook adds stress to more than just marriages. Parents stress over what their kids post, or whether pedophiles can access their pictures. Employers can search up old photos and not hire or fire you for it. Facebook puts your entire life on display. How anyone can think that they have anything 'secret' online baffles me anyway - spouses can find secret accounts/chats/passwords easily enough.

If there's one word of advice to anyone thinking of getting married, it would be "Do not ever marry anyone who won't let you into their life in every aspect" This includes (but is not limited to) all things Internet.
The bolded, the first thing I do when interviewing a candidate is do a google search on their name to see what I find.
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:12 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Can Facebook add stress to marriages? Should you know your partner's password?

~ Glen Community Support
No and maybe.

Facebook doesn't add stress to a marriage, it reveals a stressed marriage. A good marriage won't turn bad because Facebook happened. A bad marriage won't become an adulterous marriage because Facebook happened. Those who seek to be unfaithful will find a way. Those who do not desire to be adulterous won't, whether they are on Facebook or not.

I don't think every marriage should include the swapping of all passwords, however a secretive spouse is an untrustworthy spouse. I have conversations with friends that are none of my husband's business. He has no right to the confidences I share with and from my besties. He has no right to know of their struggle with menopause, their struggles with children or other aspects of their private lives that they've chosen to share with me in seeking or giving support.

I set up a Facebook account for my husband. I downloaded a few family pictures, chose hs profile picture, sent out a dozen or so friend requests to family and friends. Then I gave him his log in info and told him to find his own funny pet videos. He needed to interact with others on his own and not through me.

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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:18 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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Even though Facebook can facilitate some cheating, it is not the reason for the cheating. At best, it is an excuse. The problem isn't Social Media. The problem is a relationship that lacks boundaries and respect. What gets unsaid is the fact that monitoring of one's spouse is a very strong reason for relationship failure.

A great relationship is one in which partners are able to choose to be faithful or not, but choose faithful. If cheating has entered the relationship, it isn't because Marc Zuckerberg was born.

I've been on the receiving end from years back and I am less likely to monitor social media activities of my (now) partner.

Food for thought.
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i differ with your view a bit.

while it is somewhat true that 'social media is not the reason for cheating', every temptation promotes the possibility of infidelity.
ideally, you are right; that we choose to be faithful no matter what.

but some people are weaker than others.

suppose that someone is presented 5 temptations in their life?
but they are strong enough to resist. how about 10 temptations?
how about 100? and so on. the odds increase. there are those % of people that would possibly never cheat if it weren't so easy.

the very strong will resist just about anything and everything, but not everyone is so strong and even the good might fail.

social media has increased those temptations at least many times over.

on the other hand, like the atom bomb, it's not going away and we need to learn to live with it.

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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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No and maybe.

Facebook doesn't add stress to a marriage, it reveals a stressed marriage. A good marriage won't turn bad because Facebook happened. A bad marriage won't become an adulterous marriage because Facebook happened. Those who seek to be unfaithful will find a way. Those who do not desire to be adulterous won't, whether they are on Facebook or not.

I don't think every marriage should include the swapping of all passwords, however a secretive spouse is an untrustworthy spouse. I have conversations with friends that are none of my husband's business. He has no right to the confidences I share with and from my besties. He has no right to know of their struggle with menopause, their struggles with children or other aspects of their private lives that they've chosen to share with me in seeking or giving support.

I set up a Facebook account for my husband. I downloaded a few family pictures, chose hs profile picture, sent out a dozen or so friend requests to family and friends. Then I gave him his log in info and told him to find his own funny pet videos. He needed to interact with others on his own and not through me.
yes, but there are a percentage of people who may have no desire to cheat, but are just weaker and when approached by an old flame from out of nowhere can't resist. could have happened in the old days, but just less likely.
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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

The old "guns don't kill people, people kill people" argument.

This thread is about facebook, although in my opinion the word 'internet' could be substituted for 'facebook' and the arguments would still be valid.

Yes facebook is a tool, and no it doesn't set out to wreck marriages in and of itself. By it's nature, though, it makes people feel safe posting all kinds of stuff they would never dream of disseminating in a physical way. Who would go around and put pictures of their kids in every mailbox in the city they live in? People do it on facebook because they think it's 'safe' when it really isn't. Same reason people use facebook to hook up with old flames or search up hot women or whatever they do with it. They feel safe doing so. In that way I do believe many marriages are subjected to stress they would not otherwise be.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 10:09 AM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

Good evening
wife and I both have our FB open. Of course if I were to do something nefarious it wouldn't be on the most public forum in the world.......
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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:29 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

I don't think the gun argument actually fits because having a gun in the house is deadly weapon but having internet and Facebook is a social outlet. The gun is designed to kill. Facebook (while it probably was designed in the hopes that Mark Zuckerberg would get laid) wasn't marketed as a means of facilitating sex. It sure wasn't marketed to my age group as a means of getting laid, but keeping an eye on our kids who were away at college...until the little bastards found some other social medium from which their mothers and aunties could not stalk them!

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 09:33 PM
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Re: Facebook and Marriage

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yes, but there are a percentage of people who may have no desire to cheat, but are just weaker and when approached by an old flame from out of nowhere can't resist. could have happened in the old days, but just less likely.
This is true. I think those weaker people are the exact same people who say "it just happened. I didn't intend to cheat. We were talking and then all of a sudden we were naked."

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


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