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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 11:28 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Not a big fan of the concept.

My wife and I always take major vacations together and most weekend trips. On occasion, she will do a concert with her friends and I will go see mine in another state but never in situations which may lead to something inappropriate. She has a good group of moral friends and so do I.

The only exception to this was two years where she went on a Caribbean band cruise (New Kids on the Block where 90 plus percent of the ship was women) and one year I even went on the cruise to scope out what the big deal was and the environment. Those two years, I got my own trip which was based around hunting and fishing with my friends in Wyoming and doing outdoor photography.

The problem was in those trips, the situation never felt right being apart for that long. Further, there was a little tension because, while I had a great trip each time, I seemed to feel a bigger void when without her than she did without me. It always ate at me. Additionally, she partied those trips and became a different type of person than I was accustomed to whereas I remain stable in my personality. However, then I went on the same trip with her, I was convinced that she didn't act any differently on my trip than she did the previous two times. The same group of friends were there. Too much catfighting for me anyway.

However, based on that experience, I cut off the practice. Two times was two times too many. It led to tension which took a while to ease. I have more friends and a better social life than her so I understand her apprehensions. Regardless, again based on my experience, separate vacations on either a major level of a mid size level are a no-go for us. I WOULD STRONGLY SUGGEST TO ANYONE NOT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD.

Now this year, 3 major vacations, 2 mid size ones and 2 weekenders. Every major vacation, the two mid size ones and one weekender are ours. Only one weekender are we apart.

If anyone goes down this slippery slope, which I will never do again, I would suggest that each person gets an equal trip so noone feels jilted.

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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-13-2016, 09:18 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

My marriage of over 20 years was punctuated by many separate vacations, as my ex was involved in many high risk sporting activities that scared me to death. I tried to accompany him, but not participate in the risk activity (example, went with him to ski resort, spent the day exploring the town, getting a massage, then meeting him for lunch and doing evening activities together). I thought I was being a caring, understanding wife, letting him have the freedom to enjoy his risky activities, without insisting that he either give them up, or tone them down to a level I could enjoy.

Eventually, these constant separate vacations, led to separate lives, and we became complete strangers to each other. I was heartbroken when he started having numerous affairs with women who supposedly shared in his interests (although there were a few accidents involved because one of his mistresses were unskilled in his endeavors -- ) I was heart broken when he divorced me for an aggressive masculine woman who supposedly enjoyed his sports (although her lack of skills nearly got him killed and he had to be helicopter rescued) In retrospect, I lost NOTHING, as we hardly provided companionship together.

I am now engaged to a WONDERFUL man, who wants to spend ALL his time with me. We take weekend trips and long romantic vacations together. It feels so GREAT to be with a man who WANTS to spend his time with me. Except for the occasional girls weekend with a large group of my girlfriends (which he is OK with) we do EVERYTHING together and I am so much happier !!!!!! I even managed to turn the last request for a girls weekend into a couples weekend. We spend most of the time together as a group, although one afternoon the guys went off hiking, and we girls made a fabulous dinner that we all enjoyed that night.

I used to support the idea of separate vacations, as just a healthy way for couples to give each other some space, but now after my sad experience, I could not go back to that as a way of life. Occasional weekends with same sex friends OK, as long as they are few and far between, but I am marrying the man of my dreams, and I want to share all my vacations adventures with HIM.

JMHO, YMMV.
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