Separate Vacations? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 02:11 PM Thread Starter
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Separate Vacations?



Should couples take separate vacations? Why? Why not?

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I think separate vacations is a pretty sure path to divorce court. If you don't want to be together for good times, I think that's pretty telling.

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 03:07 PM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I think separate vacations is a pretty sure path to divorce court. If you don't want to be together for good times, I think that's pretty telling.

if you read the books on infidelity, after the work place the next highest instances of infidelity occur where there is a lot of "separate' activities that involve members of the opposite sex.

You are sending your spouse to a place where opportunity exists for inappropriate behavior, chances of getting caught are minimal, and probably alcohol lowering inhibitions may be plentiful.

it is just a numbers game. no one is immune. The more opportunities that are presented to ANYONE for temptation, the greater the chance for a bad outcome.


Now I am sure some reading this will have an immediate reaction that " I do separate vacations all the time and I have never cheated".

Well, if you ever read a Wayward forum, just count how many start with

:I NEVER thought I would be here"

just my opinion.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-10-2016, 03:20 PM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Vacations separate? Note conducive to a good marriage IMO. Now, my W has gone on weekend trips with 4 female friends of hers. Simply a night away with friends, dinner and talking about what married females talk about. I go on day trips to car shows. Not my W cup of tea. But week long trips are always together.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-11-2016, 10:41 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

If intimacy builds intimacy, then separation will certainly lead to separation.

I went alone to a week long training event last year. I was in class and lab from the crack of dawn until Dark, barely had time for a shower. I invited her along either as a participant or there was a play vacation option. She declined, and we had a together vacation 2 months later. So I survived the separate time. There was no alcohol or single women. So it wasn't much of a test.

My SIL takes regular craft retreats (basically Extended GNOs) . Usually comes back distant. They have been on the rocks for over a year with no intimacy. Essentially she has found an excuse to retire from that part of the relationship, and he feels so much guilt that he accepts it.

I can't blame it on the retreats, but there is a long history. There was a short time, 6 months or less where he took a sales on the road job. The separation nearly broke him, (no it did break him). So he is hurt by separation, She seeks it. Another form of incompatibility. I don't know what to hope for for him. I think he would be happier not trying to please her, but that is me projecting my attitude. I would have been gone long ago.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 08:11 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Guess it depends on a the couple and the individuals who make the couple up. Travel is my passion in life and a priority. To travel without my spouse would be counter productive to the marriage and what I want out of one. This would be a big deal breaker for me.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 10:50 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I think it depends on the type of vacation.

I go on spa weekend with my girlfriends once a year and my husband goes on a golf weekend with friends once a year. No way would it ever occur to us to take any vacations longer than that without each other.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 11:18 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I'm against separate vacations. A day or even a weekend trip for an activity that doesn't have opposite sex participation may be ok but vacations should be enjoyed together to create more intimacy and closeness. A way to have fun together away from the normal drudgery that life inevitably becomes.

Hollywood likes to depict separate vacation as normal and healthy but it's just a way to encourage couples to put themselves in tempting situations. Vegas trips or like another poster, who's brother's wife is going to Cabo for a three days after already being away for a week, is a recipe to get intimate with a stranger away from prying eyes.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 11:27 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I think it greatly depends on the relationship and if a spouse likes to travel? In my case, my wife used to take yearly week long vacations with her Mom, just some good old mother/daughter time, which now is a blessing because we lost her to cancer a few years later

For the past 3 years, my wife, her daughter & granddaughter went on Caribbean cruises together, while I stayed at home. My wife loves to travel and with my bad back, motion sickness, hate flying etc, I get my own vacation at home.

I will say that if we were closer, my mindset would most likely be different, but since we're mostly friends, it doesn't bother me at all. We haven't vacationed together in 5 years.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-12-2016, 11:28 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Yes, we sometimes do separate vacations, depending on what's going on.

He might go on a scuba diving vacay without me if the timing doesn't work for me, or I'm not into the location where he's going. I sure as hell don't ever want to go camping, so he's on his own there. I've gone on trips with friends that were too good to pass up, like a trip I took to Dubai when a friend was speaking at a conference. He might go for a long weekend or week to visit some out of state friends because he is their children's godfather. I go and visit my sister or other friends across the country. Either of us might tack on a day or two at the end of a business trip or conference if it is a nice city - sometimes we join each other, sometimes not.

We go on at least 3 full weeks of Caribbean vacations together every year, plus weekends at the summer cottage, so some separate vacations is not a big deal to us. We encourage each other to get the most out of life, and neither of us think there is anything wrong with it. It has worked for us for years and years.

Everyone has different relationship dynamics and what works for one couple might be very wrong for another - I'd laugh and leave if I were with someone who insisted that every single vacation be together. Others are convinced they'd be heading to divorce court and cheating if the other person were out of their sight for a moment...seems to me like a lack of trust, but maybe that's how people roll in marriages. Others would miss their spouses too much. Most people fall in between and some short trips are ok. All of those perspectives are valid.

The most important thing is for a couple to AGREE on their approach to vacations.


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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-13-2016, 11:54 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Everybody needs a vacation and I think it's perfectly normal to get together with others who have similar interests or hobbies, but if it's just an excuse for one partner to go out and party while excluding the other partner then I think it's not healthy.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-13-2016, 12:05 PM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

I was just thinking about this thread and if there is any reason I would go on an extended vacation without my husband.

My husband has absolutely no interest in going to Europe. Ever. I would love to go one day. I could beg him to go but why would I want to spend days on a lovely vacation with someone that really doesn't want to be there? I would be stressing wondering if he's having a good time. So my two options are: to go with friends/my kids or not go at all.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-13-2016, 12:14 PM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
I think it depends on the type of vacation.

I go on spa weekend with my girlfriends once a year and my husband goes on a golf weekend with friends once a year. No way would it ever occur to us to take any vacations longer than that without each other.
Us too. But I don't really consider these vacations because vacation means the whole family.

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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 07:06 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

We have never been on a separate vacation ever.

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-15-2016, 07:21 AM
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Re: Separate Vacations?

What's a "vacation?"

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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