Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-03-2016, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
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Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work



The truth of the matter is that every couple has to deal with certain challenges when entering into a marriage. For couples who come from two different races, however, the challenges are a little bit different. If you are entering into an interracial marriage, or if you are already married, take the following tips to heart to help you deal with those challenges as they arise.

Helpful Tips for an Interracial Marriage

Marriage is always difficult, regardless of race. But there are always things you can do to help minimize stress and conflict to give your marriage the best chance of success. Below you will find a collection of tips for making an interracial marriage work:

Be realistic about your expectations. Before you even get married, take stock of your friends and family and think about their reactions and feelings toward your interracial relationship. If your closest friends and family have problems with your interracial relationship, then you might want to prepare yourself to receive the same (or worse) from people you don’t know. You cannot force people to change but you can make up your mind to not let their negative attitudes poison your marriage.

Don’t get angry or defensive. Many people fear what they do not understand or they get nervous about things that are different. If someone has a negative reaction about your interracial marriage, don’t jump down their throat – give them a chance to talk through the situation and look for an opportunity to educate them about the issue or to at least dispel some of their ignorance. Again, you can’t expect to change people or control their reactions but you can control how you respond to them.

Keep your families involved. Even if your families are having a hard time accepting your interracial marriage, it is important to avoid cutting them off. Having the support of your family is important for the success of any marriage, especially if there are children in the picture. When you are preparing for marriage, spend as much time as possible with each other’s family and try to keep the connections strong as you move forward in your lives together.

Be respectful of one another. In many cases, race is not the only major difference on the table with an interracial marriage. There are often differences in terms of religion, heritage, family values, financial habits, and more (this is true with any marriage, not just an interracial one). If you want your marriage to succeed you need to be able to understand where your spouse is coming from on key issues which means learning about their background and respecting the things that are important to them.

Be mindful of your own judgments and prejudices. As much as we might like to think otherwise, we all have certain perceptions and prejudices about races other than our own. It has to do with how we are raised and it is also shaped by our own experiences with other races. In order to make your interracial marriage work you need to be aware of these things (not just the prejudices of other people) and address them openly and honestly with your spouse.

Making a marriage work for the long term is no easy task and it doesn’t happen overnight. Both you and your spouse, regardless what race you are, need to be open and honest with each other and you need to be pragmatic about the challenges that come with an interracial marriage. As long as you are communicative and respectful of each other, however, you can work through any problem that comes your way.

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-03-2016, 09:07 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

This is so true. Yet it is wrong in that these points apply to all marriages not just interracial ones. Like it points out at the start every couple have challenges. No good marriage can ignore these points.

The last point is perhaps more relevant to interracial marriages though. With different race comes more differences in mindsets and prejudices. These differences can trip you up and unless you are looking for them in advance you will stumble further into your mistake and do more damage before realising.

"Life wasn't meant to be easy;
but take heart, parts of it can be delightful."
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 01:41 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

My wife and I are different races, and yet it never really sinks in for us for the most part.

The only time we are actually cognizant of it is when one of our family members comments on how pale our children turned out

I do remember in our very early relationship we'd earn stares sometimes in some of the more...aged...parts of town. We thought it was funny to go parade in front of the blue-haired oldsters and cause them to make faces.

Best thing you can do is keep a sense of humor.

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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 02:58 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

It's culture more than race. My older daughter was in such a relationship for five years, high school thru college undergraduate. They were both raised in the race "suburban" and that was that... They went their separate ways amicably and never had race or culture issues.

Her current SO is as American as they get, middle class, and is far more different culture wise than she is. Awesome kid and very talented, but very different from her culture wise.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 08:18 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
...
I do remember in our very early relationship we'd earn stares sometimes in some of the more...aged...parts of town. We thought it was funny to go parade in front of the blue-haired oldsters and cause them to make faces.

Best thing you can do is keep a sense of humor.

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So we are not the only ones who played this fun game. Sadly we can't do it now, we live in a multi-cultural suburb.

And a sense of humor is so important, for all marriages.

"Life wasn't meant to be easy;
but take heart, parts of it can be delightful."
Malcolm Fraser
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 08:35 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

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Originally Posted by john117 View Post
It's culture more than race. My older daughter was in such a relationship for five years, high school thru college undergraduate. They were both raised in the race "suburban" and that was that... They went their separate ways amicably and never had race or culture issues.

Her current SO is as American as they get, middle class, and is far more different culture wise than she is. Awesome kid and very talented, but very different from her culture wise.
Yes, I dislike calling this a racial issue. Firstly I don't know what 'race' means. But more that I don't think it matters, what matters is upbringing or culture.

I am Aussie, which if it does exist as a race is very recent, imprecise and changing. But really the best label for me is I am a country boy. Probably I have more in common with a country kid from anywhere (raised with electricity and cars) than with city kids.

My wife comes from a big crowded city. Those city folks are a whole different 'race'.

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but take heart, parts of it can be delightful."
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-09-2016, 08:40 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

The only time I noticed the difference was when my DD's friends met me for the first time. When they were very young, they would blurt out "Your Mom is white?!"
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 11:19 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

I just don't think it is a big deal. I remember my grandfather had a close friend and she was white, he was black, and 50 years ago, that was significant.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 11:46 PM
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Re: Tips for Making an Interracial Marriage Work

i consider myself very intelligent yet struggle with inter-racial marriages.

Early programming is hard to undo.

I did marry an Asian women. Actually, I married up.

No doubt.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

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