5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married



Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it is not something you should rush into, as tempting as it may be sometimes. When your heart is overflowing with love for your partner, however, it can be difficult to keep a cool, rational head about the future of your relationship. Before you take the plunge and get married, however, there are five key questions to ask your partner.

Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Before committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life, you need to make sure that you truly know who they are. In the early stages of a relationship it is easy to get caught up in the excitement but if you want your marriage to last, you need to ask the hard questions to get a true sense for who your partner is and what your life together will be like. Here are five questions to ask before marriage:

1. How does your family handle conflict and disagreements?

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship and it becomes increasingly important during a conflict or disagreement. You don’t necessarily have to have the same communication style as your partner, but you both need to be willing to talk about problems and to discuss them calmly. If your partner was raised by parents who flew off the handle during arguments or, on the opposite end of the spectrum shut down completely, communication could be a problem in the future.

2. Do you want children and how to you envision your role in their care?

Not everyone wants to have children, so make sure you and your partner are on the same page before you get married. If you do decide to have children, you should also have a good idea what role each of you will play in raising them. Perhaps one of you will stay home while the other works, or maybe you will put your children in daycare and both maintain your careers.

3. How important is religion and is it something you want to pass to your children?

Everyone has a right to their own beliefs so you should not attempt to change or convert your partner, but you should each know where the other stands in terms of religion. This is especially important if you plan to have children because it could have an effect on the way you raise them.

4. Do you plan to combine your finances? Do you have any outstanding debt?

Finances are one of the main causes for conflict in marriage so you should have a plan going into it regarding whether you want to merge your finances or not. If you choose to merge your finances, be upfront with each other about how much debt you have and whether that too will be shared.

5. When you picture our relationship 10 years down the road, what do you see?

You do not necessarily have to have a detailed 10-year plan when you enter into marriage with someone, but it is always a good idea to discuss future plans and goals to make sure you are both on the same page with big issues like children. You may also want to discuss what might happen if the relationship deteriorates – will you consider divorce or stay in the relationship?
Some of the questions listed above are not easy to answer, but they are incredibly important. The more you know about your partner, the better you will be able to picture your married relationship before you actually get married. Communication is the foundation for any healthy relationship so ask your partner these questions (and more) before you get married to make sure that it is really is the right path for the both of you.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 04:29 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

Sex. Sex is important and really needs to be discussed before marriage. If one partner is expecting to have sex every month until you have a child, then basically stop, and the other partner is expecting whips, chains, and 3rd partners joining every other day, then there is going to be a problem.

Nothing wrong with either approach, but they are not compatible.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 07:39 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

Cats or dogs?
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 09:12 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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Cats or dogs?


This is an excellent and very important question!
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 09:36 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

Should you ask about previous relationships and why they ended?
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 09:47 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

Toilet paper on the roll dispensing from the front or back?

This has brought down happy marriages.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-26-2016, 11:43 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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This is an excellent and very important question!
I'm biased...

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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-07-2016, 03:47 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

And not one question about sex?....i would have though that being sex can be such a huge problem in later years of marriage that sex would feature at least in the top five questions!
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:13 AM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

...

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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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Last edited by Personal; 10-26-2016 at 10:43 AM.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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What sort of questions regarding sex before marriage, would be particularly useful regarding the later years of marriage?
Considering how many people post threads about their SO's sexual history being a virtual unknown before marriage and then information becomes available and that history becomes a problem, I suggest starting there. Ask about sexual history, beliefs, practices, level of drive, level of impartance placed on sex, etc. Gory details aren't necessary, but I think a general overview is!

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 09:20 AM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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What sort of questions regarding sex before marriage, would be particularly useful regarding the later years of marriage?
Questions about spouses parents and their intimate life or lack thereof...
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 04:43 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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Last edited by Personal; 10-26-2016 at 10:44 AM.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 07:43 PM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

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The sex life or lack of one in a spouses parents is no guarantee of the same in ones spouse at all.

If one wants to try to read the tea leaves of sex, they would be better off assessing their partners sexual interest and proclivities with them, through at least a couple of years of effectively living together before marriage.

It's the quality of the relationship both sexually and non sexually that one builds with a spouse that determines their sex life, not their spouses parents.
There's no guarantees in life, period. But the old saying, "if you want to see what your wife will look like in 30 years, look at her mother" still applies.

If her upbringing was fvcked up be it culture, religion, or FOO there's a good chance her mother was similarly influenced.

For the record, we lived together for 2+ years and between grad school, finding a good job, moving, and playing dual income couple there was very little to warn of upcoming issues. Took 25 years for that.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: 5 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Married

The fact is that no questions asked now or in the past are going to provide answers for whatever happens after that point. We all change. What our expectations are or were have nothing to do what they will become. We can't control the world. We can't control what others think or what their perceptions were, are or will be.
Whatever answers you get will only be valid as of the time they are asked.

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