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1. How does your family handle conflict and disagreements?Some of the questions listed above are not easy to answer, but they are incredibly important. The more you know about your partner, the better you will be able to picture your married relationship before you actually get married. Communication is the foundation for any healthy relationship so ask your partner these questions (and more) before you get married to make sure that it is really is the right path for the both of you.
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship and it becomes increasingly important during a conflict or disagreement. You don’t necessarily have to have the same communication style as your partner, but you both need to be willing to talk about problems and to discuss them calmly. If your partner was raised by parents who flew off the handle during arguments or, on the opposite end of the spectrum shut down completely, communication could be a problem in the future.
2. Do you want children and how to you envision your role in their care?
Not everyone wants to have children, so make sure you and your partner are on the same page before you get married. If you do decide to have children, you should also have a good idea what role each of you will play in raising them. Perhaps one of you will stay home while the other works, or maybe you will put your children in daycare and both maintain your careers.
3. How important is religion and is it something you want to pass to your children?
Everyone has a right to their own beliefs so you should not attempt to change or convert your partner, but you should each know where the other stands in terms of religion. This is especially important if you plan to have children because it could have an effect on the way you raise them.
4. Do you plan to combine your finances? Do you have any outstanding debt?
Finances are one of the main causes for conflict in marriage so you should have a plan going into it regarding whether you want to merge your finances or not. If you choose to merge your finances, be upfront with each other about how much debt you have and whether that too will be shared.
5. When you picture our relationship 10 years down the road, what do you see?
You do not necessarily have to have a detailed 10-year plan when you enter into marriage with someone, but it is always a good idea to discuss future plans and goals to make sure you are both on the same page with big issues like children. You may also want to discuss what might happen if the relationship deteriorates – will you consider divorce or stay in the relationship?
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