3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage

As much as you and your partner may love each other, maintaining a strong and healthy marriage can be a challenge. You are two individual people with your own needs, preferences, and opinions, so youíre bound to clash once in a while. If you want to make your relationship as strong as possible now so you can deal with challenges later down the road, try these three relationship hacks.

1. Smile More

It might sound silly, but forcing yourself to smile in the moments when you donít feel like it can actually induce a biochemical change in your brain that will help you to feel better. Itís like that saying, ďFake it until you make itĒ. In general, people who smile more often tend to be more emotionally stable and more positive which carries over into all aspects of their life, including relationships. There are also studies which have shown that seeing someone else smile can stimulate your heart and brain in a positive way more than having sex or eating chocolate. If the two of you smile together, the benefits will be compounded!

2. Use Pet Names

Do you and your spouse have pet names for each other? This too might sound silly but having pet names for each other may actually help you and your spouse feel closer to each other. Having special names for one another is a sign of a healthy relationship. But why? Having pet names for each other is an example of insider language that couples use. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, that insider language is correlated with higher levels of satisfaction in relationships. If you donít have pet names for each other, try to come up with some!

3. Hold Hands

Many couples donít like to make public displays of affection, but the simple act of holding hands (even in your own home) can help you feel closer with your partner and it can reduce your stress levels as well. It is unfortunate but true that many couples drift apart over the course of their relationship and small gestures like holding hands fall to the wayside. Make an effort to show your spouse more physical affection and be open to receiving it yourself. Hold hands when youíre out at a movie, while youíre walking around the grocery store, or when youíre watching TV on the couch.

In addition to these relationship hacks, there are many other things you can do to strengthen your marriage. One of them is to make an effort not to hold grudges. If your spouse does something wrong you can definitely confront them, but if they make an honest apology you need to accept it and let it go. You also need to realize that sometimes people do things unintentionally that upset the people around them. Pick your battles, choosing to let the small things go but have a conversation with your spouse about bigger problems before you get mad.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:37 PM
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Re: 3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage

Mr. Suaveterre and I have never stopped doing any of those things. It's not something we even think about; we just love to touch and cuddle and we light up each others' faces and have pet names for each other. He's Fuzzy and I'm Puffling. Or Fuzzy-wuzzy and Puffling-fluffling. Or Fuzzband and Wifeling.

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:45 PM
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Re: 3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage

Originally Posted by EllaSuaveterre View Post
He's Fuzzy and I'm Puffling. Or Fuzzy-wuzzy and Puffling-fluffling. Or Fuzzband and Wifeling.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: 3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage

I do smile - he doesn't notice. I only hear about the negative things he sees in me.

I still call him by his pet name - he stopped calling me by mine.

Hold hands? - I have tried that recently a couple of times. One time he asked, "What are you doing?" Both times he let go after a minute.

He hasn't hugged me in years. When I hug him, he stands there with his arms at his side's.

He hasn't kissed me good bye before leaving for work in 27 years (we've been married 29 years).

If he lies down to take a nap, I sometimes lie next to him and put my arm around him (he likes when I do that).

He shows me no affection (we do have sex, but then he goes to sleep).

When we go to sleep at night, he needs me to hold him so he feels loved (what about me?)

I've told him about all this, but he has a ridiculous excuse for every one of them and says he doesn't feel loved. If I say I don't feel loved and mention all the things noted above, I'm being ridiculous.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: 3 Relationship Hacks to Instantly Strengthen Your Marriage

That is so unfortunate, namely that you try and get no response. It is also a shame that it has been going on for so long. I feel the same way as you towards my wife. I actually don't feel affectionate towards her. I sometimes question my love for her, but only in the sense that I don't feel much. I am still committed, but unhappy. The only thing that keeps me going is hope. I too have been married for about 29 years. My wife wants to hug me, kiss me goodbye, cuddle, and all the things you mention. However, I honestly don't. Why? Because of how she treated the marriage from day one. I believe now that she only got married so that she could have children legitmately. She isn't and hasn't been with me, I don't feel respected nor loved, but I have to hug her when she wants it, etc. Sex? Forgetaboutit. That hasn't happened passionately in over 15 years or more.

I say all that to say this. Talk to him. I would give anything if my wife would just talk to me. It seems as though you did that, but keep at it. Find out what's going on in his head. Perhaps he, as all humans do, is reacting to something that happened in your relationship years ago and he is subconciously or conciously holding a grudge. I recently discovered something similar about myself towards my wife. It's amazing.

Personally I think the post is a bit lame. I think if you work at the relationship itself, then those things will happen because one or both will want it or express himself/herself that way, e.g., holding hands or hugging. Listen to marriage teachings online together or go through a marriage book together (His Needs Her Needs is a great one). Communication is the key. If he says he doesn't feel loved, then ask him what makes him feel loved. I can tell you that what I call love and what my wife calls love is completely different. She says she loves me all the time, but I don't see it. However, I accept it because I know she is speaking a different language.

Anyway, try that. Question him on the why and find out what. Question him on the things he tells you, but don't be confrontational because a guy will clam up quick if you do that.

Hope this helps.
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