Dr.betrayed

I have been hurt by my husband.
My husband initially argued I was over-reacting and he didnot do anything wrong. the relationship was very damaged. my mother was the first one to sense it. And asked me what was wrong. By then it was almost 10 days of tears, no proper sleep and no proper food. I was feeling terrible.
I could not hold it to myself for long time. I shared my pain with her. My mom spoke to my husband. She told him, he can consider her as his mom and speak his heart out. If there were any issues she told him we can sort it out. He told her there was nothing wrong. He told her maybe unintentionally I hurt her. I did not mean it. He said he was sorry. My mom told him, to sort it out with me if he is sorry. She said its nice he realizes the mistake.
But even after two days he didnot speak to me. He didnot say he was sorry. I was still in pain. My mom was in touch with him and she asked him why he wasn't doing anything. He said he doesn't know what to do. He continued to aruge I am over-reacting. "It was a small mistake not a sin. Why am I being forced to feel terrible?" My mom told him that is wrong. If he feels she is being partial to me then she suggested he speak to his parents for advice. Initially he was hesitating but later he spoke to his parents. And then they told him, it was a very big mistake. "Whether you do it intentionally or unintentionally you did a mistake. Say sorry to your wife and ask for forgiveness" these were the words from his mom.

She said sorry to me. He said sorry to me. But again after a week, he says he doesn't feel it is a mistake. I simply stopped talking to him. Now he says that was his frustration. He says he agrees it was wrong.

What do I do? How can I heal, when he doesn't even help me?

Dr.betrayed

do you think husband has the right to share our "private" incidents with his guys?

FYI: This is my initial thread.

827Aug

Sorry you are feeling betrayed. What exactly did your husband do? How long have you been married?

Dr.betrayed

11 months. I got married on feb 14th 2009.
I have known him for 10 years now. was dating for the past 3 years before marriage.

He's broken my trust in many ways in all these years. Its a long story I posted on another thread on TAM. Click the link mentioned above.

827Aug

Okay, I've now read the other thread. I still do not know which country you are from (or which religion). I do sense you and your husband do not share the same values. And that's a huge problem! Basically, he did apologize to you. However, that was only after others put pressure on him. The apology did not come from his heart. Futhermore, you do not trust him. It is now up to him to EARN your trust. I just don't see him going in that direction. Did he also commit adultery? Your other post seems to indicate that. From a religious standpoint, that would give you a way out of the marriage.

I hate to appear negative here, but I just don't see things improving. It takes two committed people to have a happy and thriving marriage. And if "he isn't helping", you don't have two committed people. Unfortunately it took 20 plus years in a marriage for me to learn that lesson.

Wish you the very best in 2010!

Dr.betrayed

That's right. Things are not improving.
Moreover, he is now consulting a therapist, who apparently listens to everything he says. And then consoles him. She told him, things were not in his control. He was trying to please both his friend and wife. she says his intentions were good. But its his fate that things blew up.
According to the therapist, (in his words), circumstances are the culprit and we both are victims. Therapist told by husband, it was not his mistake.
I requested my husband to change the therapist but he said no. He feels she is the only person in this world to understand him.
Any advice?