Healing Process
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-30-2009, 11:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 27
Default Healing Process

I have been hurt by my husband.
My husband initially argued I was over-reacting and he didnot do anything wrong. the relationship was very damaged. my mother was the first one to sense it. And asked me what was wrong. By then it was almost 10 days of tears, no proper sleep and no proper food. I was feeling terrible.
I could not hold it to myself for long time. I shared my pain with her. My mom spoke to my husband. She told him, he can consider her as his mom and speak his heart out. If there were any issues she told him we can sort it out. He told her there was nothing wrong. He told her maybe unintentionally I hurt her. I did not mean it. He said he was sorry. My mom told him, to sort it out with me if he is sorry. She said its nice he realizes the mistake.
But even after two days he didnot speak to me. He didnot say he was sorry. I was still in pain. My mom was in touch with him and she asked him why he wasn't doing anything. He said he doesn't know what to do. He continued to aruge I am over-reacting. "It was a small mistake not a sin. Why am I being forced to feel terrible?" My mom told him that is wrong. If he feels she is being partial to me then she suggested he speak to his parents for advice. Initially he was hesitating but later he spoke to his parents. And then they told him, it was a very big mistake. "Whether you do it intentionally or unintentionally you did a mistake. Say sorry to your wife and ask for forgiveness" these were the words from his mom.

She said sorry to me. He said sorry to me. But again after a week, he says he doesn't feel it is a mistake. I simply stopped talking to him. Now he says that was his frustration. He says he agrees it was wrong.

What do I do? How can I heal, when he doesn't even help me?

Last edited by Dr.betrayed; 12-30-2009 at 11:48 PM.
Dr.betrayed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-30-2009, 11:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 27
Default Re: Healing Process

do you think husband has the right to share our "private" incidents with his guys?

FYI: This is my initial thread.
Dr.betrayed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-31-2009, 06:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
Moderator
 
827Aug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,178
Default Re: Healing Process

Sorry you are feeling betrayed. What exactly did your husband do? How long have you been married?
827Aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-31-2009, 08:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 27
Default Re: Healing Process

11 months. I got married on feb 14th 2009.
I have known him for 10 years now. was dating for the past 3 years before marriage.

He's broken my trust in many ways in all these years. Its a long story I posted on another thread on TAM. Click the link mentioned above.
Dr.betrayed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-31-2009, 10:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
Moderator
 
827Aug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,178
Default Re: Healing Process

Okay, I've now read the other thread. I still do not know which country you are from (or which religion). I do sense you and your husband do not share the same values. And that's a huge problem! Basically, he did apologize to you. However, that was only after others put pressure on him. The apology did not come from his heart. Futhermore, you do not trust him. It is now up to him to EARN your trust. I just don't see him going in that direction. Did he also commit adultery? Your other post seems to indicate that. From a religious standpoint, that would give you a way out of the marriage.

I hate to appear negative here, but I just don't see things improving. It takes two committed people to have a happy and thriving marriage. And if "he isn't helping", you don't have two committed people. Unfortunately it took 20 plus years in a marriage for me to learn that lesson.

Wish you the very best in 2010!
827Aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-31-2009, 03:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 27
Default Re: Healing Process

That's right. Things are not improving.
Moreover, he is now consulting a therapist, who apparently listens to everything he says. And then consoles him. She told him, things were not in his control. He was trying to please both his friend and wife. she says his intentions were good. But its his fate that things blew up.
According to the therapist, (in his words), circumstances are the culprit and we both are victims. Therapist told by husband, it was not his mistake.
I requested my husband to change the therapist but he said no. He feels she is the only person in this world to understand him.
Any advice?
Dr.betrayed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
healing teachgrl Life After Divorce 8 10-12-2012 10:11 AM
Healing Process? Justadude Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 10-01-2012 04:48 PM
Moments of Healing... Geoffrey Marsh Coping with Infidelity 7 09-11-2011 05:08 PM
A little advice for the healing process stbxhmaybe Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 09-12-2010 02:55 PM
Is this feeling a normal part of the healing process? AZMOMOFTWO Coping with Infidelity 9 02-24-2009 07:28 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:57 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.