Sulking husbands
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Old 01-08-2010, 11:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
fee
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Default Sulking husbands

Does anyone out there have any advice about how to deal with a sulking husband???!!!
My husband is the worst sulker I've ever known! He gets cross about something, and then doesn't speak to me for days at a time. Half the time I have no clue what it is I'm supposed to have done. Even if I realise, and admit I'm in the wrong and apologise, he sulks. Once he went for almost 2 weeks, barely speaking to me, unless absolutely necessary.
I've tried groveling and apologising repeatedly, even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I've tried confronting him, making him tell me the problem so we can sort it out. I've tried ignoring him back.
He eventually gets over it, but it's only a matter of time till it happens again.
We have just immigrated from our home country, and I am completely out of my depth. He works all day, I don't have a job yet, I don't know anyone, and he is in a fat sulk, about.... well I haven't a clue really....
I'm really starting to wander if it's worth hanging around...
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

You might like Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People.

One really important bit is to really listen to people; really listen to what your husband is saying before he starts sulking. Afterwards, see if you can figure out what went wrong with the exchange, and what you could have done differently.

Read the whole book, though. Really.

As to specifics: he's probably sulking because he doesn't feel like he has a complete identity. He's been uprooted, may not like his job much, and he probably doesn't know anyone either. He may have regrets about the move. He may sulk as an alternative to dumping his doubts and worries on you; doing that is a mistake, but it's not unheard of.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

i think you should tell him how his behavior is affecting you. Let him know he's pushing you away.

After that, just try and ignore him when he's like that. he's unbelievably immature.
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Old 01-09-2010, 09:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

Well honestly I turn sulky myself sometimes. Not as bad as it sounds like your husband is, but it's there nevertheless. The funny thing is that I am quite aware of the sulk, I know when I'm in the sulk that it's really not helping, but it's so hard to break it.

Honestly the best thing for breaking me out of a sulk is to just climb on top of me naked and start kissing me all over and have sex with me. It reconnects me very quickly. Not sure it works for all men, but does for me. I have a sulk episode maybe once a year.
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Old 01-09-2010, 02:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Same thing you would do with a child... don't reward it. Don't notice it. Continue talking to him as if nothing had happened. Kill him with cheer & kindness.
It's a childish behavior and it has to be handled as such.
If he wins and makes DAYS miserable then he wins... don't let that happen.
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Old 01-09-2010, 03:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

I'm with Star. Manipulation. Passive aggressiveness.

Did your parents put up with your sulking, spoiled brat behavior when you were a young child? Not likely. Why is it any different because he's an (immature) adult?
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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has he had a check-up lately. blood sugar flucuation (as in type 2 diabetes) and many other undiagnosed ailments can also contribute to or even cause this behavior. he may just be a big baby too.
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Old 12-02-2011, 06:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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My husband is a great sulker. l feel so terrible because he brought me to Europe and l do not have friends because l am a sit at home mum. At first, l cannot eat or be myself when he does that even he is at fault, l will beg and ask him to forgive me. l am used to it now.He has been on it now for 5days because we has an argument outside our home. He does not tell where he is going or talk apart from greetings if he desires, the first 2 days if l ask him if he l should dish out his food, he will say later and he get the food himself. I thank God for my wonderful daughter who loves me unconditional. lf he refuses to eat because he is sulking l make yummy food for myself and my daughter. As for my husband, he can sulk for ages, that is his problem.

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Old 12-02-2011, 07:05 AM   #9 (permalink)
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its textbook emotional blackmail. And he will continue to do it because it works for him. He does it because you cave and apologize etc and he gets what he wants.

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward is a great book
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
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i originally posted on this thread almost two years ago. i have a different opinion today. i believe my wife would tell you that i am sulking right now, but i assure you there is alot more to it. i have realized that my wife has lost respect for me because she simply will not meet me halfway to repair the damage in this marriage. in turne i have built up alot of resentment and also now realize i have lost respect for her because of her issues she will not attend to. i see her as weak and helpless which is not something i can live with.

my reaction to all of this is a really dont like her enough to speak with her much anymore. i am not willing to listen to anything other than things involving the kids and that needs to be brief and to the point. i would not dismiss quiet as sulking, may be alot more to it.
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

Quote:
Originally Posted by fee View Post
Does anyone out there have any advice about how to deal with a sulking husband???!!!
My husband is the worst sulker I've ever known! He gets cross about something, and then doesn't speak to me for days at a time. Half the time I have no clue what it is I'm supposed to have done. Even if I realise, and admit I'm in the wrong and apologise, he sulks. Once he went for almost 2 weeks, barely speaking to me, unless absolutely necessary.
I've tried groveling and apologising repeatedly, even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I've tried confronting him, making him tell me the problem so we can sort it out. I've tried ignoring him back.
He eventually gets over it, but it's only a matter of time till it happens again.
We have just immigrated from our home country, and I am completely out of my depth. He works all day, I don't have a job yet, I don't know anyone, and he is in a fat sulk, about.... well I haven't a clue really....
I'm really starting to wander if it's worth hanging around...
I used to feel the same way. He would sulk, and I was left with wondering why. He still sulks to this day, 17 years later. Its a learned behavior. Its a type of passive/aggressiveness. More than likely comes from poor coping and communication skills. Plus it can be an attention seeking type of behavior as well. He can unlearn that if he wants. However, if he keeps doing it, its more than likely because he is getting a pay off from it.

Even though my husband still sulks, It used to bother me. Now I ignore it, and chalk it up to learned family dysfunction. He is grown and he can choose to continue on or not. I choose to not longer acknowledge it and go about my business.
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sulking husbands

Its a form of control, and yes probably a learned behavior. Since you can't do much about how he chooses to act/react to things. You can do something about how you react when he gets like that. You could try, when he acts like that, tell him in a nice manner, "I'm sorry you're choosing to act like a child today. Maybe we can talk later when you feel better." Then just walk away. Or you could ignore it all together until it blows over. You should stop apologizing too. Thats pointless if you have done nothing wrong.
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:49 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My kind of thread! So, my husband sulks for about 2-5 days every month or twice a month...it's a rule! So apparently i don't know how to deal with it. Actually He has to deal with it! You only have to learn a healthy way to react on it... and that it the way most of the people told you. Don't give him what he hasn't even asked for ... If you tolerate it it''ll get worse /""...He still sulks to this day, 17 years later...""/
Honestly i hope i find a way to break it when it happens. And i know sex helps ,but that shouldn't be the way!
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Ha! There is no way I would give my husband (if I were married) or b/f some sex if he was being a sulky baby! To me thats like giving a kid candy as a reward for negative behavior.

Here hun, go ahead and have some puss puss even though you're acting like an idiot. That way next time you act like a sulky baby you will expect it again to help pull you out of your mood. Therefore they would never learn how to deal with life when it gets them down.
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
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All of you saying you dont know why he sulks. I am not sure thats exactly true. Most likely after such a long time and so many years you have a fair idea.
There is an arab saying beat your wife daily, even if you dont know why she will.
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