My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Like Tree5Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-10-2013, 05:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Mentalprision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Somewhere where there is no next day mail service available and everyone knows your business.
Posts: 9
Default My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

Hello,
I need some support/advice .I have no family to talk to and I have no friends(just like my husband wants it).I have been with my husband for almost 25 years.We are married.I lived with him since I was 16(40 now) He was 19(43 now).We have 7 kids.I have never cheated or even flirted with another man.


My husband is very controlling and extremely jealous.He is very verbally abusive.he says evil things that makes me wonder sometimes.For example,he throws my childhood in my face,the fact that I was abused in EVERY way by my so called father.he talks like it was my fault and I enjoyed it or something.He acts like my father is a ex-boyfriend or something.I was 9 and I ran away from home when I was 13.He is delusional,he gets angry in supermarket if a man looks at me he gets attitude with me and accuses me of giving the guy the "eye" or something.I do not even know 99% of the time what guy got him so angry because I be in my own world.I don't pay attention to men in a "lustful" way.I can't explain it but basically I don't pay men no mind.Anyway,my husband doesn't even want me to go outside in the yard when he is not home and there is so much more but this is my first time telling my business so I will tell in bits and pieces.My boys play basketball and he accuses me of watching "the little boys"on my sons team.They are like 16 or 17.he says "You're sick like your father" Statements like those are what hurts the most than the physical abuse.

I am normally a happy person.I have a growth growing on my pineal gland in the brain.A pineal cyst Dr. thinks it is but not sure because its growing.I am afraid God forbid I have a tumor or something and die before I really get to live.I honestly have not had 2 good happy days in 25 years.he argues everyday,he accuses me everyday of cheating somehow,I am in the house all the time but he says I sneak out in backyard at night or I'm cheating with someone on the computer.He checks the computer history and checks behind me more than he does on the kids.He says he likes to argue,its boring to him if he doesn't.he has mental issues I'm sure he liked to get in trouble when he was younger.

He might see this,I don't care.I just want to enjoy life,tomorrow isn't promised to nobody.I saw a man kill his wife and he put her dead body on facebook.Her friends say her husband was controlling and jealous.Do these type of men ever change?thanks for taking time to read my post and please excuse my grammar.My brain is not working good anymore.
Mentalprision is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-10-2013, 06:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 4
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

No they do not change they always stay the same I would run leave because that could be your body on Facebook god forbid
Problem_King is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-10-2013, 06:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 98
Default My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

No. They do not change.

You, however, can change. You can get out. You can be happy.
motherofone is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-10-2013, 07:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
SaltInWound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,164
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

They don't change. He has low self esteem. He needs to keep you down so you don't leave.
__________________
Naivete falls from our eyes
And we'll not regain
As we watch the tower falling down
---Duran Duran
SaltInWound is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-11-2013, 12:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Spinner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 36
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

Just the title of your thread says you know what to do. Get out! File for divorce TOMORROW!

My mom married a man like this. She's still with him after 27 years because she doesn't believe in divorce, but I can't help but realize how much happier her life would have been without him. He mellowed out a small bit over the years, but that's about it.
Spinner is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-11-2013, 12:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 18,078
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

What resources are available where you live? It sounds like you live in a very isolated area.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-11-2013, 02:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 847
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

This is no way for a human being to live. You don't deserve persecution from this ijdit. Start putting money away on the side. See a lawyer and find out your rights to spousal/child support.
No he won't change, he's too extreme to change.
If you can afford it go for counseling or if you can't call the local abused women's shelter and start attending sessions there, they are the experts in guiding you through this and even if you chose to stay they can help you deal with him.
The things he says about your childhood abuse make me physcially ill, to think you have to listen to this sick talk. I hope a lightening bolt hits him. When he starts this do you tell him that he is sick to say these things and to STOP IT. Or are you too in fear of him?
indiecat is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-14-2013, 08:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Mentalprision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Somewhere where there is no next day mail service available and everyone knows your business.
Posts: 9
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

I live about 40 miles from Charleston SC and 1 hour from Columbia.I am from NY though.

I have a shoplitting headache from arguing with him again.I am so tired of this misery,I am afraid I will die unexpectedly from all this stress,from stroke,or brain tumor or something.We just argued because a man was on the tv on news channel.He asked me if I knew the man's name because he says he always saw this man on tv.I told him I didn't know the man's name,the man doesn't have his own show.he asked me 3 times and made me swear on my grandciild that I didn't know the man's name.I did it and he says I'm lying.I then got angry because why would I lie about knowing someone's name on tv.It's just so stupid and frustrating.It went from this argument to him throwing my past in my face.he says I want to be one big happy family with my father again because my older sister calls me sometimes and she talks to her father too.He says he gonna make sure my kids are safe,etc like I would actually want to be around that pervert.I am so unhappn and I feel so helplels and stupid for putting up with this nonsense every dam day.
Mentalprision is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-14-2013, 08:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 18,078
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

When he starts this, why do you engage in the argument and stay around when he starts lopping things like your past and your father at you?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-14-2013, 09:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 106
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

that is a truly horrible thing to say to your "loved one". my wife had an uncle that abused her, I would never ever even consider saying a thing about it to her to get even at her. I know it was not her fault, I know she did not enjoy it and would do anything to not have it ever happen in the first place.

I agree with others, while you are there, save up money, do not take any crap from him and research into ways to get out of there. do not let him find out, bad things might happen before you get a chance to leave. we had that happen to someone we knew. was horrible.

you deserve to be happy all the time, not just a once in awhile thing or have it as a dream in the back of your head. if someone does not want you to be happy then there is a serious issue. I would indeed truly do anything for my wife to make her happy, if that would be for her to be on her own and discover life without me then I would let her do that. it would really be awful to be without her in my life but I would prefer her to be happy.

I learned a long time ago about free will, you cannot truly suppress it, you can hold it down but you can never really imprison a person or control their every action. others in my life are able to do what they want or feel the need to, I cannot or will not stop them, I might advise against it but it truly is their own mistake to discover.

try to switch tactics on him. do not entertain his arguing, when he tries to be combative, leave the room. keep your voice cool and calm , tell him when he is interested in talking to you like a human being he can come get you.do not let yourselves feed off each others negative emotions. he is acting like a spoiled child.

I would not be surprised if there is a few mental issues there.

good luck
marko is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-14-2013, 10:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Posts: 395
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

It is rare that an abusive spouse can change. I did, but it took my wife leaving with my kids to even get me to THINK of changing.
It took lots of counseling and understanding my issues. It took time for my wife to trust me again. We were married 8 years before she left after an ugly physical fight between us. I do not blame her and never did blame her for leaving me. I even forgave her because she felt bad for protecting the kids and herself from me.
13 years of happy marriage until these last 3 years. now separated but we are working it out. This separation is nothing about abuse.

I will gladly help in anyway if you would like. Possibly help understand why, possible suggestions on how to communicate.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is the darkest days of my life knowing I hurt the woman and kids I would die for.
noas55 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-19-2013, 07:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Mentalprision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Somewhere where there is no next day mail service available and everyone knows your business.
Posts: 9
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

I had enough.This is what happened today.To make a long story short.My husband was talking on the phone with our 19 year old son.My son doesn't know how to stop his mouth sometimes.He got into it with his father and cursed at him.my husband went ballistic at me because he said I undermine him.I don't understand.my son going to college on a scholarship,his dad was suppose to send him some money to pay someone to take him.my husband was telling my son to let his old high school coach take him cause the coach had offered previously.my son asked the coach and he said he would have to move some things around.now I told my husband it's not the coaches responsibility to get OUR son to college.but he kept telling my son to call the coach.I was figuring if he wanted to actually take him he would.it is 13 hour trip.So my son got angry and used curse words .my husband was telling my son don't go to college and have babies like his older brother.my son said what his brother did has nothing to do with him.my husband cursed me out after he hung up on my son saying it's my fault and told me to suck his you know what in front of my daughter and other hateful things .brought up my childhood and called me a fat hoe and I ain't **** and wished he never had kids with me.He looked like I don't know what when he was saying those things.I am waiting to find someone I can get some money from to leave here and take my son to his college.I have no friends or family so I have to beg his family members.what a miserable situation to be in but I just want to LEAVE.
Mentalprision is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-19-2013, 09:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Mentalprision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Somewhere where there is no next day mail service available and everyone knows your business.
Posts: 9
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

I will sell my stuff to get money to leave.His family not trying to help.It's better I do it on my own anyway.
Mentalprision is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-19-2013, 10:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
IsGirl3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 618
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

you know what you need to do. now do it. get out. go to a shelter. takes your kids who are still at home with you. let your children know that you love them and that you'll always be there for them. tell you son in college how proud you are of him. make your kids proud of you and leave. you call yourself 'mentalprison' and you have been abused and manipulated for so many decades that you think you are in a prison, but you really aren't. you really CAN leave. no one but yourself is making you stay with your H. you came here and told your story, which is brave. now take the next brave step and leave your abuser.
IsGirl3 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-19-2013, 10:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 18,078
Default Re: My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.

You need to find a woman's shelter in your area. They exist.

They will help you get out of this abusive situation.

Do you need help finding one? If you do PM me.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Verbally Abusive Husband Very Sad Physical & Mental Health Issues 19 10-14-2013 10:05 AM
Problem with SD & verbally abusive husband. Help please! chantiq72 General Relationship Discussion 2 08-11-2013 02:39 PM
Husband is verbally abusive unhappylady1234 General Relationship Discussion 10 11-16-2012 01:30 AM
Verbally abusive husband of 15 years 36andlost General Relationship Discussion 3 11-13-2012 11:31 PM
I verbally and physically abuse my husband smith7887 General Relationship Discussion 6 03-18-2009 04:35 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:06 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.