I'm feeling resentful...
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I'm feeling resentful...




My fiance and I have been together since September of 2008. We have known each other much longer than that, in fact we went to college together. Same major. We were both coming out of horrid dramatic relationships and both werent ready. I dont know how it happened but it did. Sometimes I regret it.

I feel like hes always been controlling but I just looked past it stupidly and thought to myself "he means better".

I cant handle it anymore. We cant even have a conversation without him talking (yelling) over me and telling me i'm wrong (i'm always wrong) and claiming that all I want to do is fight and I know what buttons to push to get him going.

I have never had a problem getting alone with anyone in my life. He is the hardest friendship/relationship I've ever had. He is a veteran from Iraq, that has a lot to do with it I'm sure. The amount of anger he has is unreal. He doesn't get alone with anyone in his family (they have their problems too undoubtly).

I've been called every horrible name you can possibly think of by him. He is verbally abusive. Calls me fat and lazy. We tell each other we hate each other all the time. If I could of known what kind of person he was back when we first started dating, than I would have backed off. I feel like I'm in too deep. We moved across country together to work the same jobs. All the credit cards are in my name and charged up past their limits. I cant leave. We sold my car. I feel stuck. I want to stay at this job, I want to stay in my house, (we have horses and chickens too) and I want to keep my new friends. I'm not leaving.

But on the other side I feel so unhealthy. I feel abused! When he talks I hate him. I dont want him to touch me. We used to make love multiple times a day, now we only do it when he wants to (I never do).

My parents hate him. The rest of the family loves him. Grandmas and aunts want to know when the big day is. Everyone is so excited except for me. When I look past problems and try to do something fun like plan the wedding, we argue.

He truely brings out the worst in me.
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Old 01-25-2010, 02:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

I understand that all of your cards are in your name and what not, but marrying someone that you hate isn't going to fix your problem. I can't imagine feeling that way towards my fiance. I mean we have some problems, but I truly am 100% in love with my fiance and couldn't hate him even if I wanted (trust me I tried!!). I feel your pain in the situation tho. I really hope you can find an answer to your problems. I don't know if this helps but I wanted to give my insite. I know right now what I need is people with un bias opinion to talk to. I don't mean to be harsh, but seriously think about it...Is marrying someone you hate going to fix anything?? When you say til death do us part is supposed to be for life. In some states they are pushing laws that say you basically can't get a divorce because your unhappy. You basically have to get it on terms of unfaithfulness or abuse. I just think you should really think before you get married to this man
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Old 01-25-2010, 05:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

For the life of me I cannot even begin to understand why someone would consider marrying someone who says "I hate you" to him or her. Nor can I begin to understand someone marrying a person to whom he or she says, "I hate you."

WTF are you subjecting yourself to this for? Seriously? This cannot possibly end well for you.

Get out. Right now. Pack your stuff and GO, TODAY.
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Old 01-25-2010, 08:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

I see no reason to stay with him. Break it off and tell him that you will reconsider AFTER he goes through six months of anger management training.
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Old 01-25-2010, 08:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

I have to agree with the sentiment of Mal74, except to say you may need a day or two to set a plan.
This is an abusive situation -it is not a coincidence that all of the credit cards are in YOUR name and that you sold YOUR car. That was to get/keep you feeling like you CAN'T go.
You are not in too deep, apparently you are in just deep enough to understand it is a problem. It will only get worse from here.
There are organizations to help you, look them up, make a few calls and in 48 hours you can be on your way to a happier life.
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Old 01-26-2010, 09:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

Get out of that abusive relationship. Don't worry about the credit cards. Worst case is you stop paying them. Your happiness and sanity are more important. Call a reputable NON-PROFIT credit counselor and start working out arrangements with them (If they want to charge you anything other than a nominal fee, they are for-profit and will rip you off). They'll work out payment plans w/ your bank that will make payments more bearable. They won't necessarily remove balances, but will negotiate lower interest rates and payments.
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Old 01-28-2010, 11:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

Do not marry this man.

First rule upon realizing one is at the bottom of a deep hole:

Stop digging!

Second rule:

Figure out a way out of the hole.

I think you ought to move out. Maybe sell the livestock first to get some money to buy a car--even a beater, just to get going.

And do as others say, get credit counseling too.

Your family and friends will rally around you once they know you need their support. Don't suffer in silence!
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Old 01-30-2010, 11:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm feeling resentful...

i will advice u that if u are not married to him then don't because i know that u are probably hurting so much right now and i went through some of that with my husband so please think about it okay
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