hazel22, your not alone and your husband is not that different than others.
My wife & I went through a similar "time", and what I have to say may make you mad so please remember I'm try'n to help.
You are both selfish & stubborn. He wants "it" and keeps ask'n/grab'n till he gets what he wants(I was like this). When he's shut down, he feels bad and assumes you want someone/something else. You won't give in cause he'll "win", and you want something in return. You may be in a "dull" moment in your marriage and need a spark to get out of it. You won't have that same "fire" you had before marriage, different time and stage; but you can get to that loving stage in marriage. You just gotta get over that hump.
Wife & I are stubborn, neither one wanted to "give in". I quit touching her and it drove me nuts. We would go a month easy without any "love'n" and I hated it. I was grumpy, she was grumpy. I bought Dr. Lauras' book "proper feeding and caring for a husband". Not my best idea I've had, but was a good laugh. It's a good book, but didn't help us as my wife thought it was one-sided. She bought Dr. Harley books on His Needs/Her Needs, love busters, and 2 more I can't remember....had to do w/emotional needs.
It really helped us out alot. Marriage Builders ģ - Successful Marriage Advice
I read them all cover to cover. Wife didn't do so well at reading them so I talked about what was in them as I read and showed her things to read that "fit" us.
We began to talk more, listen better(me), and work on our marriage instead of focusing everything on the kids.
We don't have a perfect marriage, but it is MUCH better than before. You've got to work on yourself(can't control anyone else) and work on the marriage as often, if not more, as cleaning/cooking/bookwork, etc.
I don't want to take away from this site, but the marriage builders site is also very good.
Good luck, I hope this will help.
PS - Do it soon as your daughter is learning what a marriage should be, do it for her if not for yourself or your husband.