Urgent help needed

rwinsor · 04-25-2008, 08:42 AM

Thanks for all your help!

shane33 · 04-25-2008, 08:58 AM

Wow i am sorry man but the best thing to do is talk to her and try and get her to open up to you about her issues with you and others,the most important thing is ...... when she starts to talk to you she will vent alot and probably start to say things that you are not gonna like but sit shut up and just listen to her and do not get defensive it will only make it worse.The next thing is go buy her some of her favorite flowers and maybe some new jewlery or clothes. Then get a babysitter for the kids and take your wife out for the night no kids no talking about your problems take her out and have some fun dinner dancing casino movie whatever she likes to do. Show her that you are listening to her and are catering to her needs.Swallow your pride for a bit it is gonna get rough this is a phase that women seem to hit wondering if the grass is greener on the other side just show her that you love her and want to be with her only i hope all works out for you

Amplexor · 04-25-2008, 09:07 AM

Sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. If she has withdrawn from you and the children I would be concerned about depression as much as a problem in the marriage. For her to withdraw from her children indicates there may be deeper issues. I assume she is on meds and she should continue. A medical exam would also be advisable. This may take a long time for her so continue to be loving and caring with her. You seem to be a very strong and caring husband in how you are dealing with the violation of your marriage vows. Keep up the good work. These things can and do get better. Best of luck and I hope you find additional support here.

I'll disagree with Shane here a bit. Take your time with the gifts and dates and don't over due. If she hasn't had that kind of attention for a while it may be overload for her. It may come off as a quick fix or insincere. That's how my wife initially reacted anyway. Good luck.

swedish · 04-25-2008, 09:27 AM

I agree with Amp. I think she would benefit from counseling on her own to work through her depression issues. I never went on meds, but talking with a counselor helped me a great deal to sort out my feelings and to figure out what really makes me happy. For me, it was putting my energy into things I love (and people) and being more open with my husband about my feelings. That was very hard for me but I now feel more loved and connected to him then I ever have. I think we all go through points in our lives where we re-evaluate where we are at, what we want, etc. and sometimes make some bad choices as a result, but it's possible to make it through and you are doing all of the right things to support her Sometimes one partner needs to carry the weight of the other for a while, as hard as it is to do & you are doing just that..many cannot..best of luck to you both.

mollyL · 04-25-2008, 09:40 AM

I am very sorry you are having such troubles. You seem to really love your marriage and family and will take the steps you need to save them. I think Amplexor is right to not go overboard with gifts, but Shane is right about the rest of his advice. You will hear things that will probably hurt you quite a bit, but it is essential that she get down to home truths with you and the counselor. I will add that she needs to be seen by her doctor NOW, because I think your wife needs to be put on antidepressants and probably an anti-anxiety medication. She also needs a good looking over, perhaps some blood tests etc to see if there is anything physical that is causing or contributing to her problems. Also, her doctor and her counselor will be on the same page, because they will probably want to consult with each other. It is important to understand that it takes some time for the meds to reach therapeutic levels in her body, so she won't change immediately.
What else you can do right now, if she will let you touch her, is give her a good massage, starting with her neck and shoulders. Draw her warm baths. Flowers are a very good idea. Talk to her in a soothing but not condescending tone. Walks would be good.
All the best to you, man. I hope it all works out.

carmaenforcer · 04-25-2008, 04:06 PM

Wow, so no one seems to care about this little fact, unless I read it wrong, but she cheated on you while on her trip to England with a bus driver.

Ok, I'm sorry but this is ok because she might be in a depression?

I mean if rwinsor don't care then I don't, but can someone explain to me why no one seems to have issue with her cheating on him but if a man cheats because his woman is just not giving it to him, it's wrong.
I'm confused, someone please explain, without taking attention away from the original poster of coarse.

swedish · 04-26-2008, 02:59 PM

carmaenforcer...cheating is a big issue but he is here asking for advise on how to help his wife and his marriage.