Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central Virginia
Re: Resent my husband for having a vasectomy =(
I think you feel cheated because he took one conversation and either acted on it, or didn't even really consider hearing your opinion. He clearly does not want kids--you expressed a leaning in that direction, one time.
Honestly, though, this is not about him--it is about you. You hoped he would want to change if you changed your mind, so you married him *knowing* that you were not sure while he seemed to be (a vasectomy is a pretty clear sign).
You can blame him all you want, but the reality is, you want to eat your cake and have it, too.
If you aren't willing to give up your marriage for kids, then you don't want kids badly enough. Seriously. For most of us, this would be a no brainer. Kids mean incredible sacrifice--like the decision you have to make. If you aren't ready to make it, then the answer is in that--and please, remember, this is OK. People act like childless couples are "selfish," but (as the mother of 2 by birth and one by adoption), I think nothing is more selfish than having kids--we have them for US, they don't ask to be born!
If your only reason for waffling is that you "fear regrets," please also know that is NOT a good reason to have kids. But, if you crave a child to love, then don't let anything stand in your way b/c you will regret NOT pursuing that love.
And adoption is an amazing way to build a family at almost any age under 60 (and even over that, if you are willing to foster an older child). It is almost never too late to add kids to your life.
Good luck, whatever you choose.