Photoninja

My husband is thinking about divorce, and i am against it. He has a big problem with my jealousy. In the past i was in a horribly emotion and verbally abusive relationship that ended with me having a nervous break down and developing anxiety and panic attics. Years latter and after therapy I met my husband and now I am apparently experiencing some jealousy. I feel my self getting mad when I see him on the computer talk to girls on Myspace, from an application called cheers, a drinking game. I though that girls would try to ask him out and hit on him and try to break up our marriage and yesterday he tells me that one of those girls did tell him if things don't work out that she wants to be next in line. M first thought was that B**ch is luck she doesn't live around me because I would beat the f**K out of her, but I didn't say that out loud. I have also been jealous over a women at his job, because of a comment he had a while back about how hot he thinks she is and what he would go though to get her if he were single and she were as well.

my question is how do you control your jealous when you see a red flag?

Mo Simpson

Your husband's insensitive remarks aside, I really think jealousy is all about the person who is jealous.

People are insensitive and they like having their egos stroked by members of the opposite sex - it's how far they take all of that that can bring problems.

However, I do think you need to find a way to acknowledge and heal your baggage from your previous relationship. You're feeling jealous, I think, because of how you feel about yourself. Your previous relationship hammered your self-confidence and self-esteem and that is now playing out in your current relationship.

Again though, your husband needs to be more respectful of you and how you feel also.

Good luck

cantletgo

I can understand you not wanting him to talk to other women, especially on line, but my bet is he's only doing it for the ego stroke. Do you think he's cheating? Does he hide his conversations from you, his emails? Have you tried counseling? If he's adamant about divorce, then there is probably more to this story than you know. I hope that you get the answers you need in order to move forward.

TNgirl232

His comments about other women wanting him could be him testing you to see if you can control yourself. It could also be a sign he is extremely unhappy in the marriage at the moment and he's letting you know he has options if you aren't willing to work on it with him. There is never an excuse for an affair - BUT both a husband and wife play a part in what sets up the relationship to allow an affair to occur. You've had your early warnings....now what will you do? Counseling for yourself would be good - work on figuring out why you still feel the way you do. Counseling as a couple to figure out better ways of communication would be good.

1writer

I'm not sure if it could help, so I want to state that upfront. This is nothing more than my opinion.

When he starts talking about other women, what does he do if you start talking about other men? Only do it when he does. Sometimes I think men like to manipulate reactions from women when they do that. So, by reversing the situation, he'll get a little taste of his own medicine.

My first move would be to find out why he's wanting the divorce. Is it over a potential situation, or one that is already ongoing? Happily married men shouldn't be stringing other women along, either, not even "just in case."

If he's holding your previous mental health issues against you, I would consent to it. That is absolutely cruel. It's never a good idea to have cruel people in your life.

You need to ensure he isn't one of those individuals who are so self-centered, they have no capacity for sympathy for anyone else. If he is, get away sooner, rather than later.

pidge70

This thread is over 2yrs old.
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1writer

Wow, sorry, didn't pay attention to the date. Was the situation resolved?