afraid there's no hope
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Old 05-07-2008, 05:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy afraid there's no hope

I have tried over the past several days to give my husband space, not argue but at the same time my heart feels like it's exploding and I am so miserable without him. Last night he sat down with me and said we should talk. He has been gone for 3 weeks and does not miss me. He thought he would but he doesn't. I didn't know what to say, who does? He still is willing to go to talk to someone because he feels that we argue too much and that with everything changing we need to work on that for us and the kids. I agree. But, I don't agree that this is the right thing to do. Being together for 10 years and then just not even trying to see if any feelings can be regained to me is just stupid. I feel he's not giving this enough time and since he's only been away for 3 weeks that if more time goes by and he rushes this and we divorce in three months, and later figures out that was a mistake, then everyone's lives are turned upside down again. And what if I get through this and don't want HIM anymore? Then I have to go thru this emotional mess again, and I don't want to. Should I just let this rest for a couple months and see what happens or should I give him what he wants? I just feel like this is all happening so fast and with two children involved it should be given more time to make certain that it's the right thing and there won't be any going back. So what should I do? Stop crying, stop asking him to come home, i'm doing, but, do I give him a few months without him realizing it to see what happens or do I just quit and let this all go?
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Old 05-07-2008, 06:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

You need to calm down and think about things clearly i can see you are very flustered and you are gonna do something that you will regret. First off do not try and work things out just for the kids sake you need to work it out because u 2 want to if you stay togather just for the kids it is not fair to anyone now don't get me wrong the kids count too but u need to do it for u. Your happieness reflects on to everything else no if he says he doesn't miss you when he is gone he needs more time to reflect back on things it sounds like u guys are too comforatble in ur relationship and need to find the spark again give him time and u take some time also clear your heads and think clearly we only get one shot at life and it is a short one so don't rip yourself off. If you find that u want him and nothing eles then fight for him educate yourself and take him back
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

I agree I am very flustered because I think he is going all over the place and I can't keep up. I do want to keep my marriage because I love him very much and want him to be with me. I do care about what makes my kids happy but I'm also thinking about what I want too. I think that if I give this time, go to counseling and let things settle, then hopefully he will change his mind. I also think that he is very frustrated and overwhelmed and that the anger issues he has developed over the past years are something that he also needs to deal with. I say to myself, how can he be happy with me if he's not happy with himself? I just don't know.
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Old 05-11-2008, 04:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

Seems like you both need help, to find exactly what you both want. I hope you have some kind of indepedence that allows you to take care of yourself, and if you are feeling it is better not to go through the whole thing again... then follow your gut. Trust yourself. Only you know what's best for you.
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Old 06-16-2008, 11:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

You need professional help. "Happiness" and "love" are not enough in a marriage made of two adults. You have children. It is your moral responsibility to do everything you can to stay together, sans abuse.

A person I respect very much once told me that if you do not "feel" love, you "behave" love. Love is a behavior. Your feeling will catch up with your behavior. You two need to get this marriage back on track.

Having said this, if you both are not serious about this marriage, you will not succeed.
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Old 06-17-2008, 01:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

Originally Posted by Anna View Post
A person I respect very much once told me that if you do not "feel" love, you "behave" love. Love is a behavior. Your feeling will catch up with your behavior.
Is this really true?

I really hope it is. I'm afraid that he doesn't love me anymore, and he does seem to be trying to do it, maybe it will work.... sigh.
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: afraid there's no hope

I believe love is a feeling or rather an emotion that drives us moire then any other. I have had relationships that love kept together when there was little else until issues could be resolved. If true love had not been there then it would have ended there and then because there would have been nothing at all.

It really takes two to commit to a relationship. Even if one partner isn't "into it" then the other can do nothing to hold the relationship together no matter how much they try.

If each person can only put in 50 parts and it takes atleast 50 parts to hold together a relationship then by scale one partner putting in all they have can only keep things coasting. Like everything there are times when we can't give something are all. If only one person does all they can as soon as they can't or slack off it is all done.

As far as the regaining love part I believe love can be rekindled but it boils down to one thing both of you wanting it. It seems like you have the passion, but at least for now he doesn't.

I wish you all the best of luck and hope things change for the best. Counsiling can't hurt either.

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