lovealways.

Hello! I am need of some advice.

My name is Alexa and I am 21 years old. I have been with my boyfriend, Kenneth (22 years old) for 3 years now and we couldn't be happier. We've already planned out basically our entire life together and I can honestly say I see everything working out. We've discussed marriage, kids, careers, neighborhoods to live in, the whole nine.

The past three years have not always been easy, were both very stubborn, and he is very impatient. But we've always managed to work through every thing that life has thrown at us thus far.

For the past 6 months he's lived in another state, 3 hours away, due to personal family issues. So we've basically been having a long-distance relationship. We still see each other every weekend and talk every night, so the real only difference is we see each other 2 days a week instead of 7. We used to be together all the time when work and college would allow.

Anyways, we've been planning marriage to happen within the next couple of years, about 4-5 years from now. (We would move in together in about 3years, get married 1-2 years after) But something happened where the actual marriage, making everything official, could get pushed up sooner. (Where we would get married before we move in together) When he told me this, my heart dropped. The thought of marriage really happening scared me, and I do not understand why. I cannot think of any reason why I wouldn't want to be with him for the rest of my life and I am SO happy with him. I've never been happier in all of my life. But I can't understand why I feel like I'm having second thoughts once the marriage aspect is actually becoming real, and not just words for the future.

Does this mean that deep down I don't want to marry him? Or could this be some personal dilemma that I haven't dealt with where I'm afraid to commit? I'm just confused and can't figure out why I'm stopping myself from true happiness.

I don't even know if these questions have answers. I am just looking for advice, if anyone out there has been in my situation and could share some words of wisdom.

I am just very confused. Please help !! Thanks so much.

artieb

I think what it works out to is that you're not ready to get married. That's probably just as well, because statistically the younger you are when you get married the more likely you are to get divorced.

larniegrl

I have the agree with artieb, and this is nothing against your relationship. You both may have what it takes to navigate this crazy life together, but there is no reason to rush into it.

There is no reason why you guys cannot remain a couple, live life and then just get marriage when the fear is gone. Don't get in a hurry...and if he judges this...just share your heart, and stick to it. He should be able to respect this...if not now, then in a few years.

I got married at 21, and though I don't regret it...I wish I would have waited a few years (still marry the same man) but just get through my early 20's and learn how to live life before adding the pressures of marriage, house, kids (etc) on top.

pinkprincess

I think what it works out to is that you're not ready to get married. That's probably just as well, because statistically the younger you are when you get married the more likely you are to get divorced.[/QUOTE]

I dont know that i totally agree with this...Age does not matter when you truly love someone age is never going to change the way your heart feels i do think that age will effect the way your head does though, for instance your heart says you love him very much and want to spend your life with this man, make a family and live together at the same time your head is saying maybe you are not sure....right????

marriage is a big deal and i am a firm believer that marriage is a once in a life time event therefore i also believe that everyone eho is thinking about it needs to go into it with eyes wide open to what life will be like after the big day and the dress has gone....

Dryden

Marriage brings a lot of responsibility with it. At your young age, your mind might be having a tough time accepting the weight of it. It might also have something to do with the fact that you have had a defined 'plan' in place for some time that you were comfortable with. Now that the plan is possibly being changed, you are being put out of your comfort zone and that is a scary thing.

It's not to say that getting married now is the wrong move, you probably just aren't prepared for it yet. My advice would be to talk about these concerns with your SO. Sometimes just getting it out in the open and discussing them can alleviate most of them.