Piecukonis

Hi everyone!!! This is my 1st post and I am glad to come across this board on a day like today.

This situation I am in is not abnormal for my marriage so I'll just tell u guys what happened over the last week and see if I am nuts or if hubby has lost interest in me and in being a dad.....

Last Wednesday hubby goes straight to the golf range as soon as he gets off work for 2 hours comes home and plops down in front of the video games and barely looks at our 2 babies who are going to bed in just an hour he then continues to just sit there while I do dishes and get both kids bathed and in bed.

The things around the house he agreed to do for going to play golf was still left unfinished when I got up the next morning. I did his chores.

Now here is Friday...he does not even come home and goes straight out for night fishing. he knows and I have asked for his help regarding baking a Easter cake, I have lots of cleaning, cooking, the kids, shopping, etc to do and he basically shut off his phone and I have no idea what time he is coming home.

It is Easter and holidays are very important to me and I want the kids to feel like holidays are special family times but my hubby actually told me that the guys are wanting to go mushroom hunting on Sunday!!!!

I feel like he never wants to be with me or the kids let alone recognize that I am always holding down the fort while he gets tons of down time and "play" time.

This is very common for us and he just never seems to want to be at home. I asked him to cancel his fishing trip and help me at home and he pretty much said no way! So now I am very very angry and not sure how to keep my bad feelings and resentment toward him from getting into my holiday spirit for the next 2 days. He ruins every single weekend that he is actually at home. He gets frustrated with me and the kids all the time and very easily.

We have been together 9 years and married 7. Our kids are 2.5 and 1.5 years old.

What is going on?? Is this normal? Do u think counseling would help a situation like this.....he started acting this way when i got pregnant with our first and just never went back to the old him.

Piecukonis

Also when i do put down my foot and tell him I need him or the kids need him at home he gives me a huge guilt trip and basically acts like he is doing me a favor and would rather be anywhere else.

Help!!

Piecukonis

*sigh* when I go back and read what I typed...something tells me I am heading for a divorce. I don't even know what to say to him when he does come home tonight. I really, really feel like he does not care about me or the kids or my needs.

wild_angel2302

I wish I could give you some comfort... but I'm in a very similar situation. After two years of ups and downs I finally got up the nerve to leave my H. We have two children also and it was very difficult.

My H is not a bad person by any means... he is just simply not the man I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. It's almost like he put on an act to get me to the alter and say "I DO" and then decided he didn't have to be that guy I feel in love with anymore.

It's understandable that people change as they go through life... but they should be changing for the better. And in cases like ours, our H's should be changing for the better of the family. Obviously his priorities are all screwed up. I feel it should be 1.Kids, 2.Spouse, 3.Me. It should never be 1.Me, 2.Friends, and maybe 3.Family "if I have time".

Just don't put up with it. If he can't see why you are upset and doesn't seem to be concerned then perhaps you shouldn't be concerned with what he wants or needs.

Freak On a Leash

This sounds like my parent's marriage. My father was a crazy golf addict. It was golf, golf, golf whenever he could get to the golf course. He played golf on all the holidays, arriving home just in time to eat dinner with the family. He never spent any real time with us and the time he did spend was awful. My mother tried playing golf with him but it wasn't really her thing. They fought constantly. My childhood memories of weekends are of them screaming at each other. It was sheer hell.

Eventually my father mellowed (I think when he was about 55 years old when he got over all this). He started spending more time at home. My parents best years were the last 10 years before he died. That was out of almost 45 years of marriage.

I told my husband that if he ever took up golf I'd divorce him. One of his friends started playing golf and asked my husband if he was interested and my husband said "Only if I want to leave my wife." He knows how serious I am with this.

But it's not just golf. I have friends who fish, play computer games, etc. Their wives sound like you. If the husband gives a damn they work things out and compromise. In my marriage I'm the one who needs/wants time away and likes to play my video games and surf the web, especially during the week after work. My husband will tell me I'm ignoring him and give me grief about this. What I do is spend a few nights a week "doing my thing" but try and spend quality time with my husband as well. Why? Because I give a damn and love him and want him to be happy. That's the key..

I know a couple where the husband was just like your husband. He wouldn't budge on anything. He wouldn't discuss or compromise. He goes away for 5 months out of the year to camp and fish. His wife tried to change this by reasoning with him. She nagged, she cried, she threatened but to no avail. He basically was going to leave her so she decided to just suck it up and basically raised her child alone (they had just one child due to this). In the summer he's away and they "visit" each other on weekends. In winter he lives at home. It's rather bizarre but it seems to work for them. However I don't think this is what most people want. I know I wouldn't.

Basically it sounds like you either suck it up and let him live as he wants and make your own life without him or leave. If he doesn't care about what you feel or think then you have nothing to work with. The only way you can make changes with this kind of behavior is if he's willing to work with you.

Sounds like you are going to have to live your life on your own unless you want to spend all your time screaming and nagging at him and getting now where. Perhaps your husband will come around. He certainly comes off as self centered and selfish. Was he always like this or did it start with the kids?

Shame that your husband isn't more sensitive to your needs but I assure you that you aren't alone. You might want to seek help with a counselor and/or a support group and find some hobbies yourself.