Hubby texting co-worker....
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Old 05-11-2008, 05:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Hubby texting co-worker....

Lately my husband of 2 years has been texting a co-worker, someone he manages almost everyday. He says it just friendly. It seems innocent, but it still bothers me. I think I am bother mainly because instead of coming to me to talk he texts her. It's weird to me, because my husband has always been kind of a private person, more of a loner. Plus he saids that when at work they don't talk at all, so why are you texting her when you get home? He also said he doesn't like that i'm bothered and it concerns him but he stills does. I guess I shouldn't worry too much because he does it right in front of me instead of behind my back.
My question is, how should I deal with this without becoming naggy or coming off like a jealous wife.
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Old 05-11-2008, 06:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

First of all, if it bothers you, your husband should stop..period.

His relationship with you and your peace of mind should be priority over any "friend." There is nothing wrong with being bothered by this. I'd be more bothered with the blatant disregard over your discomfort. Will he let you read the texts?
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Old 05-11-2008, 06:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Also, if he's her manager, aren't these texts already inappropriate?
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Old 05-11-2008, 07:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Honestly I don't think that it's inappropriate, but I do find that his doing it constantly doing at home is . I feel if it was me he would not like it at all. After talking to him about it, he feels like if I were texting a co-worker or an another guy that it wouldn't bother him. He feels like I may feel like I am jealous because usually he comes to me talk about stuff. I can only voice my concerns to him... I don't want him to feel like I'm becoming a super jealous wife, I hate that feeling.
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Old 05-11-2008, 08:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

It's not inappropriate that he talks to her. It's inappropriate that he continues to after knowing how you feel about it. It would bug me too and I'm not super jealous.

I know what you mean, you don't want to be that wife that keeps your man on a short leash but you don't want to be disrespected either.

Next time he's texting her, take your clothes off in front of him. I betcha dollars to doughnuts he'll put the phone down...lol
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Old 05-12-2008, 08:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

hi
i don't want to sound all doom and gloom and i know you wouldn't want to appear like a jealous wife over nothing.i have been in exactly the same boat as you.my husband assured me that his co-worker was just a friend, and that text were all to do with work.despite this it made me feel uncomfortable.

it turns out she was having marriage problems as were me and my husband at the time, then the texts went from being the odd one i saw on his phone, to texting behind my back.

eventually my husband admitted that even though nothing inappropriate happened he stopped all contact with her, took her number off his phone and told her he didn't want to text anymore,explaining he needed to give me his time.my husband says now he should have been texting me,not her.it was part of the reason our marriage nearly failed.if left unchecked it would have been an emotional affair.

maybe you could say to your husband how he would feel if he found out a male he did not know started texting you each day?

i hope for your sake it turns out to be totally innocent,but as previous poster said,you are his wife and if you say you feel unhappy about it,he should stop.
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Old 05-12-2008, 09:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Would it make you feel better if it was a male coworker he was texting? I really dont see the problem. I have a male coworker that is like a brother to me. We text all of the time.

You want to your husband to stop because you dont like it. If there was something that you enjoyed doing, would you stop just because your husband did not like it or would you try to compromise? Would you stop talking to your family because your husband doesnt like it?

I'm not a jealous women at all. I don't mind my husband going to strip clubs, watching porn, or staying out late. I guess, to each his own.

I wouldnt let this bother me.
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Old 05-12-2008, 10:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

***"First of all, if it bothers you, your husband should stop..period."

I think this is a gross oversimplification -- no situation is that cut and dry. You'd feel pretty bad if he took the same no-nonsense hard-line stance against something YOU thought was reasonable.

***"I feel if it was me he would not like it at all."

In my experience, this is ALWAYS one of the BEST ways to judge someone's true feelings on a situation. You say he said it wouldn't bother him, but is that really true? Only one way to find out.

Another great test is whether or not you can see the messages, though that can go either way. If he lets you see what he is saying, its much less likely anything bad is going on.
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Old 05-12-2008, 11:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

I thank you all for providing your insight, I have discussed it further with him and explained to him again why i'm so bothered. I do feel that part of it is because it's a female, and another part is that it does take away from the time we usually spend together.
What I decided to do is try to invole myself in the same kind of activity of texting and see exactly how he would respond if I were doing this during the time we usually spend together, and sure enough he was like "what'cha doing, who are you texting". Just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine, but he did agree to try to cool it down if he sees that it's going in to our quality time we spend together... and I have agreed to not be snoopy and jealous over him texting a friend. I do agree with sweetp101 that I would not want him to stop doing something as far as communicating with friend just because I have a problem with it and vice versa. I don't think it's to the point of him getting emotional with this girl, but I did warn him about opening up those "doors".
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Old 05-12-2008, 06:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindy View Post
Also, if he's her manager, aren't these texts already inappropriate?
That was my first thought. If he is her manager or supervisor, there could be some serious behavior rules of his employment he is breaking. You might ask your hubby if he values texting her more than he values his job?
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Old 05-12-2008, 07:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Well his job is not like that, i've work there a couple years ago and I was also close with my manager but never really talk to him outside of work out of respect of my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. So as far as it being inapropriate behavior the work environment is pretty close knit. But I know there are boundaries...and he should know them.
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Old 05-12-2008, 08:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Trust your intuition. You are suspicious for a reason. I could be wrong, but he doesn't seem like he has made that commitment to you. He states, "he wouldn't get jealous if you were txting another guy." It seems to me that he doesn't care very much about the relationship. If my husband did that or I did that, then there is a deep problem in the marriage. I text my hubby frequently during the day, sending love and lust notes through the day so that he knows that I think about him often and want him. It shouldn't be up to another woman to take your place with him in any aspect of the marriage. He shouldn't be texting other woman. That is just wrong. I don't trust what he is up too. What starts as innocent may not stay that way. I've seen it many times. Trust you instincts.
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Old 05-12-2008, 09:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

I agree, if it is really "nothing" then he should let you read his texts and hers.

A few years ago I was involved with an online spiritual group. One of the men on the group was a bit of a mentor to me. We struck up a friendship and I learned a lot from him. My friendship was totally innocent so I endeavored to bring my husband into the friendship. I let him read what I wrote and invited him to discuss the same subjects with me. Since this was a spiritual group our conversations were related to spirituality and it was pretty easy to include my husband, But by doing so he knew what was going on and we also learned from our conversations together.
When my friend sent me a postcard from Australia my husband was excited for me. (this was actually one of the most successful periods in my marriage)
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Old 05-13-2008, 10:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Pigpen, I understand what you are saying. I would do the same also. I probably have done the same with sharing and he has too. But I will not ask him to share with me, I shouldn't have to. I think it's something that should be done automatically. Because I respect his privacy, I will not read his messages unless he ask me too. Anyway he tells me what they are talking about, that's enough for me. All I want is him to stop texting during our time, that's not a lot to ask.
Right now he whenever he gets a text he is now telling me who it's from and what it's about. And now I'm like OMG, what is happening that he is feeling obligated to tell me why someone is texting me. I get it people like texting you, ok but just don't do it during my time with you. They can wait. I say they now because he saids that it's not just the one young lady, but it's other people from the workplace bothering him on his weekend off. I would tell them if it's an emergency leave me a voicemail, but I think he is enjoying that they are texting him. Be feels he's being a good manager by being there for his team... Whatever! I told him I'm here, I've been here, but if he gonna let them start to control his time... i'm gonna start doing my own thing during our time.
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Old 05-13-2008, 10:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hubby texting co-worker....

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMrs1982 View Post
Whatever! I told him I'm here, I've been here, but if he gonna let them start to control his time... i'm gonna start doing my own thing during our time.
Is that really fixing a problem or making it into another one? I don't know, what happened to making a phone call? I do however feel sorry for him that he is on call for the company 24/7.
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Last edited by happilymarried67; 05-13-2008 at 11:01 AM.
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