nice777guy

All of the books and articles you'll read will tell you that you need to talk about it and get your questions answered before you can move on.

But the reality is that you can't force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to.

Keep your eyes opened - watch him closely without intruding, but also give him credit if it appears he is behaving.

If he is doing the right things, and you have no reason to suspect any more problems, then it might be best for you to move on and accept that you may never have all of your questions answered.

Find other people or use this forum to talk about your concerns and insecurities. You have every right to feel this way and to want answers, but you risk pushing him away if he's truly put this behind him.

LVS

I know what happened might erode your self confidence
This is a helpful link you may find all you need to know in different helpful sites
how improve self confidence after husband cheating - Google Search
To fix a marriage especially after what you went through it needs both of you to work on not only you He should not tell you what you should do he needs to give you the enough time to heal from the inside of you he needs to understand your feelings and how hard it is the decision to move on that you decided to do he needs to understand it takes seconds to break a mirror but how long it takes to fix it or make it
About the vows you don't have to do anything you are not ready for it first i would suggest counseling to help both of you
and let him get things in the hard way so he will think more than twice before he do it again
As for the emails you know what you should do with them if i had them i keep them as evidence i keep them without checking them every time because they will increase my anger and keep my wound open but i might get back to them after everything being settled down and after i get over things i keep them to remind me about things i should not forget with time and keeping me aware of any change
About giving you his passwords it's a way he may used it to regain your trust it doesn't say he is not going to do it again or having another account but it's helpful to give you his willing and promise to be faithful this is a step it needs to be followed with so many other steps and strong patience because it's about time you may build this trust back or you may not as i said it's the hard and long term work for both of you to be able to succeed

I talked a lot but hopefully i was able to say things in a helpful way

Good luck

Mischelstraus

People lie and hide because it’s easy. I know it's hard to rebuild your trust. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Sometimes I am uncertain to reply to a post because I am not expert on marriage or other issues. Just god wishes to you.
Good luck.

LVS

About the mails it's up to you to delete them or not but if this happened with me i would keep them for many reasons i don't
They are evidence about something happened and i don't delete them coz i don't know how i might need them in the future
but i don't advice you to keep checking them coz this is very hurtful and you won't be able to get over this situation if you keep reminding yourself of the minor details i am not saying to forget what happened this is me i could be wrong but that's what i do

As for the vows you don't have to do what you are not totally ready for it no vows for the moment and he needs to admit your reaction after what he did to you
you need to express your feelings and if he is not able to admit that i advice you to talk to a counselor to know how to take out your dark thoughts and how to deal better with your situation

LVS

Two thing to add
first sorry for writing 2 similar replies i thought you didn't get the first one but when i checked the second page i found two similar replies with different dates

second i felt it's really hard for you to get over when something still hiding i don't know if you are going to try it but you can install a keylogger on his computer so you can download his activity so you can know if he has other email you like that everything will be clear for you, and also you can print out the phone records

sittingalonestressin

thanks for replies!! yeh i do already check his personal fone records but am unable to check the company fone? and as for key logger i really wud'nt hav a clu how to do this and wud b worried if he found out cos i think that wud make things worse at the mo..he is behaving well at the mo but he knows i am always on the lookout so i think its best if i let things cool down for a bit and take it from there?? i willl never let my guard down again as they say "once bitten" i hav learned my lesson its sad cos i really did trust him with my life n never ever thought anything like this cud happen but you shud never say never eh!

sittingalonestressin

by the way i hav password for email so i do check these constantly but there has been nothin for few months now.

LVS

The reason i said so is because you mentioned that the emails say they are going to meet again and you are still having your doubts of him having another email account if he isn't expert about the computer it's a very small piece
this one i saw it at the amazon.com here is the description (The Keykatcher 64K is the world's smallest advanced keylogger. It's only 4cm long yet it can store over 65,000 keystrokes including e-mail, chat, IM, Internet addresses and other computer activity! These key loggers are ideal for home or professional use.It is the easiest way to monitor your PC. Simply unplug your keyboard and plug the Keykatcher key recorder into the keyboard port. Then plug the keyboard into the Keykatcher and it's ready to record. There is no software to install! As keys are typed the data is stored inside a non-volatile memory chip within the device. When you want to see what's been recorded simply opens any word processor or text editor (Microsoft WordPad recommended) and types your personal password. The Keykatcher keylogger will display a menu allowing you to view what's been recorded or you can search the data using NetPatrol or a keyword search.)
don't do things because you are scared of something do them because you are convinced they are right and don't wait the truth to come to you go for it so you can have peace of mind definitely and what you decide will be the right thing
now you have in your hands everything you can do you chose what makes you feel better
Good luck

sittingalonestressin

thanks le vieux for info but h is very switched on with computer its me thats not so good!
i hav just read your threads bless u! dont loose your faith i am catholic too n i no for sure god will help us throu..u r such a good person and deserve better and one day u will..god bless you

LVS

Thank you sittingalonestressin for your thoughtfulness and comforting reply
God is working in my life i can feel that
i need to see things more clear to be able to help myself and chose what is right for me for him and for my kids
Thank you and Good luck for you God bless you too