Re: Domestic Abuse.
i'm hesitant about writing. I know.
it had been over 2mths since he squared up to me. I kept wondering if that meant it'd stopped?? coz if as The Freedom prog. states "he makes a choice" they maybe he can chose to stop?? round & round, hoping, wanting desperately it to have stopped. wondering if i can let my guard down?
we were arguing, I stood still holding on a rail, he was several paces way from me, he came at me, his shoulders pushed back, chest out in my face, red, angry. all I could see were the speckles in his top - it happened SO quickly, it shocked me, normally I can see or "feel" him building - &I go into soothing/placating or get away but it happened so fast, I was cornered.
I put my hand up in front of his chest(no violence) & told him to get out of my space & not to "do that to me". he backed off. but it's left me feeling very shocked & faced with the ans. to my own question of has it really stopped?
my counsellor has suggested looking at trauma bonding. not seen her to talk about this latest yet.
he's back to being nice, charming like nothing happened. he says, "I've apologised what more do you want?". I said," you promised me you wouldn't do that to me again", he just said, "yes", nothing else. he didn't actually say i'm sorry at all but kept saying "I've apologised". it feels surreal because he's being nice, winked at me, wants cuddles.
I've had the run's with the stress& he keeps trying to kiss me but it sets a panic attack off, i can't breathe.
I feel scared, shocked, sad, devastated, it feels unreal. i wish with all my heart he'd just stop.
i'd be losing my home with all the adaptions, my carer, as well as letting go of a long marriage to the man i expected to grow old with. i have my ans. it's not what i wanted to hear. i'm so distressed, sad.
I know. i know.