Re: Domestic Abuse.
hi, I've been keeping a diary for a while. reading it back, reminding myself of what goes on, how scared & confused I have been has helped. I spoke to a man at the Respect pro hubby signed up to, he told me to expect him to get very angry once he realises I won't just go back especially now he's signed up & be prepared to involve the police. Respect said all I described is the classic abuse cycle.
Dad is pretty wise, he told mum last night he thought id get pressure over the next wk to go home for xmas.
it's shocking that my grown sons know what's been going on -and believe me- yet feel sorry for him!!!!!!! I expected this but i'm still shocked! told my oldest to watch out for little boy lost & that i'm not prepared to be bullied/threatened any more& I said his Dad had plenty of chances to go for help before it got this far.
i'm not prepared to have this go on a whole year! it's like being in limbo.
my sister's hubby is on a prog for abusing her! (different to my situation but still abuse) I was so shocked, but he reacted v quickly saying he was sorry & didn't want to lose her. she lives with him, she said it's been v hard. she said you've probably already been waiting yrs for him to change, broken promises. it's so true. having her to talk to has been a big help, she understands the cycles of the abuse. she started asupport group by the people running her hubbys course, she found going hard. it was nice to be able to encourage her because i'd done the Freedom Programme at home.
I've got all the financial abuse/debts too. (I rang the bank. he could try to take loans out via joint account - i'd be liable the bank say,so they've added a note to the acc. no loans/overdraft to be added).
got a form coming out to get his/my name removed from the account but concerned I then couldn't check things are paid.
dad's got letters drafted on his pc for me to switch to a sole acc if/when i'm ready in my head about that.
so some things i'm not "ready" for mentally yet but i'm practically a bit better. i'm not wanting to go back for xmas. doesn't feel safe but the pressure to return has started.
youngest has apparently been kicking off because I said any more abuse & i'd go right to divorce. I can't cope with him AND husband together, they'd be ganging up on me, i'd be bullied by the 2 of them, I must seem very weak & pathetic.
cried a bit again today. what a waste. my CODA friends rang& told me i'd blessed them. I found CODA because I came across the word enabling this time last yr. I didn't know that lending £ off my family, getting into debt re payment plans was all a cycle, part of "rescuing". I was horrified. this last 12 mths has been a huge learning curve for me.
step 1 coda , I am power -less over others & our lives have become un- manageable.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
& wisdom to know the difference
grant me too
patience with the changes that take time
appreciation of all that I have
tolerance of those with different struggles
& the strength to get up & try again
one day at a time.
my coda friend has posted me a CODA book to help me! the kindnesses blow me away,i cried - just for a change lol! at least they were happy tears touched by kindness instead of fear.
thankyou all so much, i'm in progress as my dear CODA friend says xx